


Everything That Doesn't Fit

by needleyecandy



Series: Baggage [2]
Category: Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Blood and Injury, Brief mention of prostitution, Butt Plugs, Hacking, Human Trafficking, Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping, M/M, Oral Sex, Organized Crime, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rimming, Trials, Unrelieved Emotional Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-30
Updated: 2016-01-24
Packaged: 2018-05-04 02:31:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 56
Words: 58,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5317172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/needleyecandy/pseuds/needleyecandy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thor thought it was a simple case of two suitcases that looked alike. It had to happen all the time.</p><p>It didn't.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>  <em>In which Loki is the eldest son in an organized crime family and Thor is the hacker resolved to take them down. If only life were easy.</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Ah yes, here's the angsty plotty sequel that no one asked for but I couldn't help writing. I'd been meaning to do a hackery, Blackhat-inspired AU for a while, and here we are.
> 
> Enjoy!

The first try: 

Loki tried to move slowly as the plane was emptied, hoping to time his shove into the aisle just right to put him next to Thor, until the man next to him tapped his shoulder. "Excuse me, but there's an unattended child at the other end of our row who was told to wait for a flight attendant before she gets up, and I have to make a connection," he said. Loki nodded and joined the crush of people waiting their turn to inch forwards. 

Customs was a nightmare - worse every time he went through, it seemed - and then there was the agricultural check with their x-ray machine. He had long practice in not blushing. Still, he swallowed hard when the conveyor belt stopped with his suitcase inside. "I trust that none of those are cucumbers?" the agent asked. 

"No, they're not," he answered levelly. "You're welcome to inspect, of course." 

The agent did not have Loki's skill at staying neutral. She flushed pink as the belt turned back on and a moment later his bag came clattering down the ramp. 

The second try: 

Thor had been well behind Loki when he'd glanced back through the twisting rows of people waiting to have their passports stamped. He took a seat at the first bar past the gates. He perched in one of the tall, overly small chairs in the bar's dismal attempt at a patio, and checked the time as the server brought his single malt. He sipped at it, making a moue of distaste at the lack of peat, but it was the best the place had to offer. 

He knew precisely how long it had taken him to get from the plane door to this point. Thor, he estimated, was eight minutes behind him. 

Twelve minutes passed. Fifteen. No one looking at him would see the gears whirling as he debated with himself. If he had missed Thor, and he lingered here, Thor would almost certainly claim his own suitcase, and all this would have been a waste. And the suitcase swap really was his Hail Mary play. There was no promise that even if he took Thor's bag that Thor would take his; perhaps he was one of those pedantic people who actually check the claim tag like the signs always say to do. 

Eighteen. Loki rose and walked crisply down the hall, his half-finished whiskey left behind on the sticky table. 

The third try: 

Thor was not waiting for his bag when Loki got there. There were quite a few people still waiting, but a single sweep of his eyes was enough to know. And after his string of ill luck at running into Thor, he wasn't going to chance it yet again. Nothing in his life had given him any hope that the third time of anything could ever be a charm. He shoved his way to the carousel until a plain black bag came by. He tugged it off and checked the tag. It was his. He gave a carefree little laugh for the benefit of the people around him and put it back on. The next one was Thor's. He pulled up the handle and turned his path firmly to the taxi stand. 

The result: 

Halfway through the first ring of Loki's phone, a number popped up on the display. Loki had not put Thor's number into its memory on the off-chance that they might meet and swap numbers. It didn't matter. He didn't need it to say _Thor_ for him to know. A slow smile crept across his lips as he picked it up. "Hail Mary," he murmured to himself, and tapped to answer. 


	2. Chapter 2

Two weeks ago:

_"Someone's been in here," Angrboda said as she looked up from the monitor._

_Farbauti looked up. "That's impossible. No one can get through the guys I have on the door."_

_"Not here," she said, waving dismissively at the room. " **Here**." She rapped her knuckles on the side of the computer._

_"I thought you said you gave me the best antivirus."_

_"I did, but they're not infallible. Especially when the user keeps going against the advice of his computer advisor. I told you, porn goes on the laptop. **Especially** the kind you look at. You know it makes you a target."_

_He sighed. "Enough lecturing. Your job is to fix it."_

_He paced the room as she worked her way through the maze. "You're barely even doing anything. You're just sitting there," he complained after what felt like days._

_She cocked an eyebrow at him. "I'm **thinking**. Sorry it's not like in the movies. Most of my work happens in my brain, not on the keyboard."_

_Angrboda was one of the very few who could talk to Farbauti like that. He had a tendency to meet uppityness with death, but she was too valuable, and they both knew it._

_He kept pacing. He was going to need a new carpet, and soon, if she didn't hurry up._

_She swore under her breath._

_"What?" he demanded._

_"I know who did this. We were in school together, I know his style."_

_"This stuff has styles?"_

_A shrug. "Of a sort. Most problems have more than one way to solve them, right? Different people have different approaches. You see enough of someone's code, you learn their style."_

_"I want everything you know about him."_

 

Loki barely looked up when the folder was set on his desk. "What is it now?" he asked.

"You have a target," Helblindi told him.

He yawned. "I don't do that."

"You do this time," his father said from the doorway. That got his attention. He looked up. "I can't trust this to just anyone. I need you to get close, find out what he knows."

"Why not just kill him?"

"He's smart," Angrboda said from the hallway. "I wouldn't put it past him not to have something set to release his info if he doesn't do a daily hold on it."

"Why can't she do it? She knows about this stuff."

"He already knows her," Farbauti said. "We need it to look innocent."

Loki met his father's eyes. "And you come to me for that?"

"The meeting has to look innocent. I don't care about the rest."

Loki glanced at the label on the folder. "What'd he do?"

"He got into our systems. I'm not done tracing him yet."

_Thor Odinson_ didn't sound like the name of a computer nerd. SCA, maybe. Loki opened the folder and found a photo on top of the mass of printouts. He didn't look much like a computer nerd, either. Yes, this might be fun.

"Anything on where I might happen to run into him in the next few days?" Loki asked.

"He's leaving for Berlin in three days for a hacker conference. Once I find his airline I'll get you flight info."

"And you know that by..."

Angrboda had wiggled past his father in the doorway. She reached over the desk and flipped through the stack of paper until she found a printout of his tweets.

Loki rolled his eyes. @theMightyThor indeed. It seemed this Mighty Thor didn't realize that they might be on to him.

Or worse, that he didn't care.


	3. Chapter 3

Helblindi was at the airport when Thor got there, the camera on his phone set to silent as he took shot after shot of Thor's luggage. Picture after picture poured into Loki's phone, this one too blurry, that one at the most utterly useless angle imaginable. Loki picked the least horrible and saved it to his gallery.

The clerk in the luggage store barely noticed Loki as he approached the counter. He had worn his very drabbest clothing and tucked his hair under a hat. His height was lost beneath a lazy stoop, and piercing eyes were dulled with specially made brownish-grey contacts. The overall effect was of a man utterly forgettable.

"Hi! I'm looking for a new suitcase. My friend sent me a picture of his, he said it's really good so I thought I'd get the same thing, if it's still available. The last one I had, the whole side cracked open and spilled all my stuff," Loki said. His voice was carefully modulated for blandness. He held out his phone.

"Yeah, I've got that, if it's what I think it is. The picture's not too good," the woman answered after giving the phone barely a glance. "It's not really that sturdy, if that's an issue for you, though. A higher-end piece will last longer and save you money in the long run. That Rimowna behind you, for example, is a really rugged piece for only three hundred more, and it comes with a twenty-year warranty."

"I think I want to get this one," he said, nodding at his phone.

She shrugged and led him to the back of the store. There on the rack was Thor's bag, or as close as he could tell based on Helblindi's shitty work. If their father's insistence on keeping critical work _in the family_ rather than giving it to someone competent fucked up his plans, he would be furious.

Angrboda had constructed him a fake life. It was one of her first tasks once Farbauti had hired her on, to make other selves for the family to disappear into, should it ever become necessary. Loki’s fake self had lived its fake life for the past four years, complete with taxes and rent and paychecks direct deposited into his account. She had also generated artificial records extending back before her date of hire; they weren’t as convincing, but they were also less likely to be examined once the more current ones were assessed and accepted.

It was this fake self that flew to Berlin. Loki Anderson was the sort that flew business class when his job paid for it, and economy when it was personal. Berlin would be a business trip; he couldn’t bear the thought of his long legs forced into an economy seat for such a long flight, and it gave him a good excuse for his particular luggage.

He left two days after Thor; he needed to be in Berlin long enough to adjust to the time zone. Dark bags under his eyes did not fit with his plans for their chance encounter in the boarding area. Loki Farbautison spent his days reclining by the pool of his luxury hotel while Loki Anderson’s calendar was full of appointments and business dinners. Two of them were even charged to Anderson’s card.

 

Yesterday:

The days passed in indolence, one of Loki’s favorite pastimes, and far too soon it was time to pack up his small carry-on of clothing and get his larger suitcase from the closet where it had sat, unopened, waiting.

Thor was already sitting near the gate when Loki got there. The seats on either side of him were taken, but the one that faced him was free. Loki strode over to it and sat down, carefully ignoring him as he got comfortable. He watched the planes out the window over Thor’s shoulder. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Thor looking at him. He didn’t look very long at once, nothing creepy, but enough to show his admiration. In the midst of one glance, Loki lowered his eyes to meet Thor’s. Thor smiled, and Loki smiled back.

“Do you speak English?” Thor asked. Ah, it was lovely. Low and rich and Loki could imagine it shuddering through his body as they were pressed together. Loki had seen enough pictures of him to know that this assignment could prove highly enjoyable if he played his cards right, but he had been unable to find a sample of his voice, and he refused to ask Angrboda.

“I do,” he said.

“Oh, you’re American. Me, too,” Thor said unnecessarily. Loki’s lips quirked in amusement. “Were you travelling for business?” Thor asked.

“I was. Web conferencing is getting better, but there’s still nothing like a real meeting. Even when it’s just a handshake, that personal touch makes such a difference. Don’t you think so?”

Thor nodded. “I couldn’t agree more. I was here for a conference, and even being all tech people we still like to get together in person.”

“Of course you do,” Loki murmured. He fixed Thor with a look that could hardly be misinterpreted.

Thor held his hand out. “I’m Thor Odinson.”

“Loki Anderson. A pleasure to meet you,” he said, taking it. He held it just a little too long, let his fingers explore just a little too much. Thor’s eyes were blue. It made it easy to see when the pupils flared darker.

They flirted until boarding group three was called. It was marked prominently on Loki's boarding pass, so when Loki didn't respond to the announcement, Thor pointed it out. "I'm in group seven. The airplane equivalent of nosebleed seats," he said.

Loki shrugged. "I'm sure the seat isn't going anywhere without me," he said. Thor smiled and kept him in conversation until group seven was called. Loki followed Thor into line and chatted with him right up until it was time for him to turn into his row while Thor continued down the aisle.

"Well... it was nice talking with you. Maybe we'll run into each other in Chicago," Thor said.

"There's always baggage claim," Loki answered. The light and flirtatious smile fell from his face the instant Thor could no longer see him.

 

Today:

Halfway through the first ring of Loki's phone, a number popped up on the display. Loki had not put Thor's number into its memory on the off-chance that they might swap numbers. It didn't matter. He didn't need it to say _Thor_ for him to know. A slow smile crept across his lips as he picked it up. "Hail Mary," he murmured to himself, and tapped to answer.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Loki? This is Thor. From the airport."

"Oh. Hi," Loki said, sounding cautious. "Um, I don't remember giving you my number..."

"You haven't opened your luggage yet." Thor's amusement was clear in his voice. Good, he was relaxed. He wouldn't sound like this if he'd been freaked out by the contents of Loki's suitcase.

"I haven't- " Loki broke off with appropriate gasp. "They're not mine, I swear. I mean, they are, but... look, my family runs a small import-export business, and I was in Germany to meet some manufacturers we're thinking about partnering with. I brought home some product samples. That's all."

Thor chuckled. "That's a shame."

Loki smiled. _Got you._


	4. Chapter 4

"A shame, is it?" Loki said, letting the worry fade from his voice and playfulness rise up in its stead. 

"Well, it's just, when I thought they were yours, I kinda thought maybe we could have some fun with them." 

"You mean 'conduct quality control before committing to a purchase,' I think. And yes, that is not outside the realm of possibility. If you play your cards right," Loki told him. 

"Are you free tonight?" 

He had absolutely nothing planned besides this job. Everything else had been cancelled, postponed, or reassigned. But Thor seemed like the type to pursue what he wanted. Loki could use that. He gave a regretful sigh. "I'm busy tonight and tomorrow, but Thursday would work." 

"Too busy for quality control?" 

_Good boy. Chase me, want me._ "Sadly, yes. Thursday is the best you get." He kept it light. Teasing. Thor would like to be teased. 

"Then Thursday it is. Do you know Birch and Bark, by the State Auditorium?" 

"I don't think so, no." He did. It was the sort of place he might deign to park in front of when there was nothing better. 

"I heard it's pretty good, they do a lot of experimental infusions. A friend just got a job tending bar there. Maybe we could go check it out and see where the evening leads us?" 

"And see what other infusions we might come up with?" 

Thor laughed, long and low. "Exactly. Thursday at seven?" 

"It's a date," Loki told him. 

He spent the next two days reviewing all the files they had on Thor and working frantically to make sure that Loki Anderson had just enough in common with him to be appealing without raising suspicion. He decided that they would share the same favorite obscure band, and that Loki would _like_ the movies Thor _loved_ , and vice versa. 

It worked perfectly. By the time they got their drinks (that was yet another thing Loki had carefully planned; when Sif got the job, Thor had tweeted to her that everything on the menu looked good except the aniseed tequila. Loki agreed that it sounded terrible, but he got it anyway, in the interest of not appearing _too perfect_ ), made their way through the crush of people waiting to order, and found themselves a table, Loki had Thor teasing him for preferring Kitty Pryde over Rogue. 

"She can walk through walls!” Loki protested. 

“So can Rogue! The difference is Rogue can also read minds, control metal, shapeshift, and a thousand other things.” 

“Yes, but only if she steals someone else’s power. And Rogue can’t do this,” Loki said, walking his fingers up the back of Thor’s hand as he set down his drink. He drew light, teasing circles against Thor’s wrist. “Don’t you like this?” 

Thor’s eyes went lidded at the touch. “I do,” he said. 

The aniseed tequila was every bit as foul as Loki had expected. Fortunately, the flirting was going well. Well enough that when their glasses were empty and Thor casually suggested another round, it wasn’t unexpected that Loki shook his head _no._

“I’d rather take you home,” he said, meeting Thor’s eyes. 

"I'd like that," Thor said. "Cab okay? The drinks here are kind of strong." 

"I just live a few blocks away, I walked here," Loki told him. 

They stopped at Thor's car to get Loki's suitcase. "Wait, if you walked here, where's mine?" Thor asked. 

"In my living room." 

Loki glanced over and gave Thor a creeping smile as he met his eyes. Thor grinned back at him. Halfway back to Loki's apartment, Thor caught his hand in his own. It was large and warm and felt way too good. Not for the first time tonight, Loki had to remind himself that this was a job. He knew better than to get attached. _People in our business have no room for sentiment,_ his father had taught him, long ago and painfully. But there was no harm in taking what enjoyment he could out of this. He may as well enjoy every moment until he got close enough to Thor to destroy him. 


	5. Chapter 5

The streets were busy, the sidewalks too full of people to pull Thor into a quiet alley. He would have liked that, Loki thought. He didn't seem like the sort who would want to pursue; he was the type who would want to be met with an ardor equal to his own. Loki could give him that. It would be easy to give him that, with those movie-star good looks and his ready smile and easy laugh. 

They started in the elevator. Even before the doors closed to carry them up Loki was pressing up against Thor, wrapping a possessive hand around his neck and pulling him in for burning, demanding kisses. Thor's hands came up, not to hold Loki, as he'd expected, but to slide his hands up Loki's sides, beneath his shirt, taking in the softness of his heated skin. When they reached Loki's floor they separated just enough to walk, still kissing, still touching. 

Thor was making it awfully difficult to control his hands, and Loki fumbled with the lock until the door swung open and they stumbled together inside. Loki's suitcase was abandoned by the door as he pulled Thor with him towards the bedroom. 

They left a trail of clothes down the hallway. Shirts nearest the door, then shoes and pants, socks pulled off just outside the bedroom in a rush of urgency and laughter. Thor picked Loki up and laid him back on the bed, legs half off the side. His eyes flashed with lust as he took in the sight before him, and then his hands... those huge, warm hands were back on him and taking hold of the waistband of his boxers, pulling them down so slowly as he watched, his gaze devouring each new inch of skin. 

"How do you like this? I'm versatile," Thor said. 

_So am I_ , Loki nearly said, but with the way Thor was looking at him, they could save that conversation for later. It had been too long since someone had stared at him that way, and he was inclined to enjoy it to the fullest. He had been with selfish tops before, the sort who were interested only in their own pleasure. He rather suspected Thor would be the opposite. Loki let his legs fall wide and gave Thor a single crooked finger. "Like this," he said. 

Thor's eyes darkened as he leaned down. Loki expected to be kissed, stretched up for it, but instead Thor caught hold of him under his arms. "How about we're all the way on," he said, giving a breathless laugh as he dragged Loki fully onto the bed. He crawled up so that he hovered above Loki, sprawling beneath him. 

"You too. Take these off, too," Loki said, tugging at Thor's underwear. He wore gray boxer-briefs, the sort with just enough coverage to wear about the house and just tight enough to leave nothing whatsoever to the imagination and Loki wanted to never see him in anything else ever again. He ruthlessly squelched the thought. 

Thor's grin was lost as Loki pulled them down, letting go of the fabric and grabbing at his cock the moment it was exposed. "I want this," Loki hissed, staring into his eyes. 

"Yes, fuck, yes," Thor breathed as Loki gave it a firm stroke. He twisted around to kick the underwear off, and then he was free, gloriously bare and he surged down to meet Loki's kisses, tongue seeking and promising as Loki ran his hands everywhere he could reach. 

Loki was not wrong when he guessed that Thor would be a considerate lover. He held back nothing as he drew Loki's body from willingness to readiness, relaxing all that was tight and teasing all that was taut. And when he slid in, one long press that had Loki halfway to screaming, it was so easy to forget everything else, so easy to sink back and let the feel of Thor inside him drive him to distraction. 

They moved as though they had been born to it, each maddening thrust from Thor met by a greedy pull from Loki. Nor did Thor think, as so many did, that his cock was somehow enough. His hands, his lips, fuck, even his _voice_ all worked together, so that his words of filth and adoration and delight slipped into Loki's ears even as he slid a thick finger inside, right next to his cock. Loki arched and gasped and spilled, his hands clenching at Thor's arms. 

When Thor came - only after Loki finished, of course - he tossed the condom into the trash and collapsed onto the mattress. Loki lay there, watching the pulse flutter in Thor's throat. So fragile. So vulnerable. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For everyone making those false and slanderous statements about Loki getting feelings, here's the proof that you're totally wrong. In fact, if he weren't a criminal and thus averse to contact with the legal system, you'd probably be getting a summons right about now, just to prove in a court of law how very very wrong you were.
> 
> Now to see how much of a Loki-in-furs PWP I can get done in the pokey elevator at work.

Thor wanted to be asked to stay for breakfast. It was clear on his face. He didn't invite himself, though. They'd had one good round of drinks and two good rounds of sex, and that just wasn't enough to ask someone else to cook for him.

"Are you free tonight?" Thor asked as he leaned forward to kiss Loki goodbye.

"I'm not. Business meeting. They tend to run long when we're discussing picking up new lines," Loki told him.

Thor's eyes darted to Loki's suitcase, sitting just inside the door. "Oh. Of course," he said.

"Tomorrow, though," Loki said. "I have all weekend."

That made Thor smile. "Tomorrow, then. I'll call you."

"Don't forget your bag," Loki told him when he was halfway out the door.

"See, and here I was going to pretend to forget it so we'd _have_ to get back together," Thor answered with a grin.

"You don't need to do that."

"Are you going to tell me I just need to whistle?"

"Twenty-first century, Thor. You just need to phone. You know how to do that, don't you?" Loki teased, batting his eyelashes for all they were worth. "You just reach out your finger and touch."

"I think I can manage that."

"Good. Now I really have to get ready for work."

"Okay. I'll call. I'll _phone_."

 

Loki's day was way too good. He felt floaty, like his shoes had helium in them so that his feet barely touched the ground. _It was just a couple orgasms,_ he told himself sternly.

Even Helblindi didn't ruin his mood, tromping into Loki's office, perching on the corner of his desk and knocking off a stack of files.

"Fuck off, Hel, I'm trying to work here," he hissed, jumping up to collect the papers before his brother could make things worse when he tried to help.

"Why do you look so happy today?"

"I just told you to fuck off, do I sound happy to you?"

"I said you look happy, and you do. Can't I care about my big brother?"

Helblindi was two inches taller and two years younger than Loki. He'd only ever called him _older brother_ until he overshot him back when Loki was nineteen and Hel was seventeen. He'd been offered a basketball scholarship, but had turned it down to join the family business. It had only confirmed Loki's belief that his brother was an idiot.

"I enjoy my work," Loki told him grimly.

"Fine, fine. Don't want to talk to me, I can't make you," Helblindi said, rising to his feet.

"No, you can't," Loki said. "Now if you don't mind..." he gestured at the door.

The moment the door was shut and Loki was alone, that stupid helium feeling came back.

 

Thor called early. 7:17 on Saturday morning early.

"Hello?" Loki mumbled.

"Hi, Loki? It's Thor. I hope it isn't too early to call, did I wake you up?"

"Um, kinda," Loki said.

"I'm sorry. I was afraid it might be, but I wanted to ask you to breakfast. Do you like waffles?"

Loki sat up and rubbed his eyes. "Are you cooking?" he asked. Between Angrboda's reports ( _2 bedroom apartment, 3 roommates_ ) and Thor's twitter stream ( _@ManofIron just because we're all guys doesn't make it ok for you to piss on the seat_ ), Loki had gotten the impression of a home that was crammed and chaotic, not the sort of place to invite a new date. Their conversation the night before had only confirmed it. But Loki needed _in_ and if this was an invitation...

Thor chuckled ruefully. "I wish. The kitchen sink is totally piled with dishes and I haven't actually seen a chair in a few days now. There's a waffle place near me that's really good, I thought maybe breakfast and a hike today."

_Shit._ Loki had lied last night, expressed a shared interest in hiking, not thinking the reality of it might come up so soon. "Pick me up at eight?"

Thor was there at eight on the dot. His car had such a loud idle that Loki could hear it over the phone, and he found, when he got downstairs, that the door handle was half broken off. He hadn't even noticed before how shitty the car was, not when all he could think about was getting his suitcase from the trunk and getting Thor into his bed.

Loki's own beloved Tesla (chosen not, as Helblindi claimed, out of a concern for the environment, but for the full G of acceleration) was locked safely up in storage, temporarily replaced by a gray Civic, the most boring and middle-class car they could find for his fake self to drive. As pedestrian as it was, it was still a far cry better than this thing. But Thor was there, smiling and waving so happily as Loki hooked his fingers into what remained of the handle, trying to open the door without cutting himself on the sharp bits of plastic.

"Sorry about that. I need to get it fixed," Thor said. He leaned over to kiss Loki hello.

"It's kind of sharp."

"I know. I was going to do it with my last paycheck, but I've been meaning to get some more RAM, and there was a good sale..."

Loki smiled back at him. What luck, Thor bringing that up. "You use your computer a lot in your free time? I'd have thought you'd want to get away from it when you're not at work."

"I do some. Projects and stuff." The stick shift squeaked as Thor put it into gear.


	7. Chapter 7

It was nice to have breakfast together. Loki got the maple-walnut waffle with whipped cream and candied bacon crumbles, and coffee with cream and sugar. Thor had tea (black tea, at least. As good as he was in bed, Loki didn't know if he could pretend to be falling for someone who drank herbal) and a waffle breakfast sandwich. For all Thor's happy smiles and hearty appetite, though, his lids looked heavy and he blinked a lot as he ate.

Loki reached across the table to brush the hair back where it fell over his forehead. "You look tired," he said gently.

"Is that a nice way of telling me I look like shit?" Thor caught his hand and kissed his fingertips.

"No, it means you look like you can barely keep your eyes open."

Thor gave a sigh. "It's this project I've been working on. I try to sleep and I can't stop thinking about it."

"Project?" Loki tilted his head curiously.

"Yeah. There's this... oh, never mind. It's just computer stuff."

 _Damn._ "Okay. But you want to go on a hike?"

"Sometimes I need to get a reminder that there's good things in the world."

Loki smiled gently and brushed his hair back.

 

The drive to Cranberry Slough took nearly an hour, during which Loki's hand crept from Thor's knee to somewhere very much higher. When he finally reached it, Thor made a choking sound and moved his hand firmly back to his knee. "That has to wait until we're parked," he said.

Loki smiled happily and turned to look out the window.

The second Thor put the car in park the hand went back up. Thor groaned. "Loki... I want to, but we're too tall for my car. And this parking lot's kind of busy."

"I wasn't suggesting anything," Loki said with a flash of wide innocent eyes. "Except maybe that we pick a short trail."

"Or we can find a long one, with nobody else on it," Thor pointed out.

"Lead on. I've never been here," Loki said.

The truth was he'd never been to any parks besides the little one near their house where he and Helblindi were taken to run off their childish energy when Farbauti couldn't stand them anymore. There was no room in the house for their noise and vigor, for all its size. Maybe that was why they were barely ten paces down the path before Loki poked Thor's bicep with a skinny finger, told him _you're it_ and took off running.

Thor set off after him, laughing, but all that muscle also meant he had more to carry and by the time he caught up with Loki he was a little out of breath. His eyes were shining and his chest heaved and he was still laughing when he caught Loki in his arms and pinned him against a tree. Thor was just enough taller that Loki had to tilt his face up to be kissed. He didn't close his eyes when their lips met. Neither did Thor. It was almost shockingly intimate and he felt a brief surge of panic that he forced down before Thor could feel it.

He reached down to rub against the thick swell in Thor's soft, well-worn jeans. _Big,_ yes, he was so big, definitely the biggest Loki had ever taken, but he was also so patient and careful that despite its size it had felt more purely good than he could have imagined.

"You want more of that?" Thor murmured against his lips.

"Maybe. Don't let it go to your head," Loki teased.

"Let's get a little further from the parking lot first."

Loki made a show of pouting that Thor kissed away before taking his hand and tugging him deeper into the forest. When they reached a patch of particularly thick trees, they slipped off the trail, walking carefully to avoid disturbing the underbrush. By the time they were six trees away the path was lost to view and Loki was starting to open his mouth to say something else teasing but Thor was already sinking to his knees and attacking Loki's belt and he forgot how to speak.

Loki usually liked this to start slowly; some kisses, some licking, a judiciously light application of hands. Thor did none of that. He took nearly the entire length of Loki's cock in a single swallow, his lips tight and warm and the inside of his mouth sloppy and _hot_ and he bobbed his head, sucking as though nothing in the world had ever been half so good.

Loki leaned against a tree (broader than the last one, and considerably more comfortable) and let his fingers slide into Thor's hair. He didn't force; indeed, even if he were inclined that way, there wasn't really anything more he could have done. Thor was taking him all the way now, sliding down until his lips were against Loki's skin and holding there, his throat tightening over and over with each swallow before he eased back just enough to take a couple breaths before diving back down. There was no choking, no gagging, barely any dripping, though his eyes got a little watery. He was a natural. And the way he looked, when he met Loki's gaze...

Voices broke through the quiet sounds of birds and lips and ragged breathing. Loki froze, expecting Thor to still until the hikers were passed, but he kept going, and when Loki looked back down at him, he had the most sinfully pleased expression on his face. And fuck, he felt so good, so good, and he wasn't going to stop, he just kept sucking, staring a bold challenge and Loki clapped his hands over his mouth to quiet himself as Thor went harder until Loki came when the hikers weren't ten feet away, bowed over and gasping through his fingers and Thor swallowed it all.

He sat there on his heels, and he looked so happy.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Of course they could hardly stop after a single bj.

The round in the woods, which by all rights should have taken the edge off, did nothing of the sort. Oh, it quieted long enough for them to enjoy the hike, laughing at the audacity of the blue jay that swooped them just as they stepped from woods to field and pointing out the black-phase squirrels perching in the trees around them. There were too many people out walking to see much more wildlife than that, but it was enough. The air was cool and the sun was warm and they held hands as they walked, and for a brief, blissful moment, Loki forgot the rest.

When he remembered, it hurt. _There's no place for feelings in our line of work,_ his father had told them constantly as they grew up. It hadn't really made sense before.

He didn't have feelings now, either. It was just afterglow. Thor was hot and a good lover and that was all. Loki shook his head to clear it. Thor looked at him curiously and Loki gave him a bright, open smile. "Just a gnat," he said.

 

Loki invited Thor in for a late lunch, which turned into spending the rest of the weekend in bed together. This time they didn't even get as far as they had last time before their hands were all over each other; laughter-filled stumbling around the lobby kicking the dried mud off their shoes somehow turned into frantic kissing which turned into Thor fucking _carrying_ Loki into the elevator and getting his shirt off him as he pinned him to the back wall. The only reason they even reached to the bedroom was because Loki hadn't supplied the rest of the apartment with lube and condoms.

When they fell into bed, naked, Thor gave Loki all those little licks and kisses that he had skipped before, his mouth teasing Loki into the sort of hardness that made him feel like it was going to explode, and then he slicked his fingers and worked Loki open with deep smooth glides until Loki was writhing against the sheets. And when Thor slid in, Loki would have said that it felt even better than it had last time except he was pretty sure that was impossible.

They finally got out of bed long enough to shower. Thor curled his arm around Loki's back, protecting him from the cold of the wall, as his other hand took both their cocks together and stroked them into ecstasy while the room filled with steam.

Once they had dried off, Loki padded into the kitchen to make some spaghetti. They actually sat across from each other at the table to eat it, though when Loki took their dirty dishes to the sink and returned with a bowl of ice cream, he sat straddling Thor's lap as they shared it. Thor opened his mouth obediently every time Loki held out the spoon. At first they alternated bites but it was only half eaten before Thor was diving in for Loki's bites and that led to sweet chocolate kisses and a melting bowl of ice cream abandoned on the table as they went back to bed.

Even falling asleep next to Thor felt good, he decided. Thor felt huge and warm and safe as he nestled himself behind Loki, his arm loose over Loki's waist and his face nuzzled in Loki's hair. "I really like you a lot, Loki," he mumbled before he drifted off.

 

The next morning Loki was awakened by a clink of the metal. He opened his eyes to find Thor pulling on his jeans, the metal tongue of the belt flopping around and making noise.

"Shit, sorry. I didn't mean to wake you," Thor said.

"Where are you going?" Loki asked, shoving down the blankets and sitting up.

"Just to the kitchen," Thor said, smiling down at him. "You sounded disappointed yesterday when I said I wasn't making waffles, so I'm going to fix you breakfast today to make up for it."

"You need pants for that?"

"I thought I'd make pancakes. Hot oil and bare junk don't go together."

"There's an apron hanging on the back of the kitchen door, you don't need those."

Thor's smile broadened into a grin. "Well, then, I guess I don't." He let them fall back to his feet and stepped out of them. "I'm going to start some coffee first. Cream and three sugars, right?"

Loki leaned up for a kiss. "Right."

He got up when he heard the coffeemaker beep. Thor was standing at the stove with his back to the door, pouring some batter into a hot skillet. The pale blue apron ties cut sharp lines across his bare neck and waist. Loki crept up behind him and kissed his shoulder. Thor turned to him, looking amused.

"What's that look for?" Loki asked.

Thor stepped away from the stove to show the rest of the worn apron. _Kiss the Cook_ , it read. "This isn't really the sort of thing I'd have expected you to own."

"My mom gave that to me when I got my first place. It's getting old, I guess I should get a new one."

"No, don't. I like it. I like to imagine you wearing it."

"If you'd helped with the spaghetti last night you wouldn't have to imagine."

"Far be it from me to rob you of the joys of being a proper host," Thor told him. He turned back to the stove to flip the pancake.

"Proper, am I?" Loki asked. He took another step towards Thor, their skin barely an inch apart, and began to pepper long, slow kisses across his shoulders, down his arm, across the nape of his neck.

Thor groaned. "I take it back. Not proper at all."

"Very improper," Loki agreed. He rested one hand on Thor's hip, taking in the narrow waist, the subtle flare of bone and muscle. "And I'm versatile, too."

Thor groaned again. "And of course you wait until I'm in the middle of something that can't be stopped before you tell me that."

"Mmm-hmm," Loki agreed, closing the space and letting Thor feel his erection pressed between them.

Thor finished cooking because he said he had to, but they didn't eat until the pancakes were completely cold. The second the last one came out of the pan Thor was taking off the apron, piling it on the small counter next to the fridge and claiming Loki's mouth in a brief and searing kiss. "Now," he said.

Then it was Loki's turn to tease, giving Thor's cock the same licks and soft little kisses he had gotten the day before, slicking his fingers and listening to Thor moaning as he pressed one inside. Thor was tight and hot and smooth inside, as lovely in the taking as he was in the giving, his hair spread out like spun gold across the light blue pillows. He didn't add a second until long after Thor was ready for it, tossing his head and begging.

It turned out that Thor was very loud and very active when he was getting fucked. Every part of him was in constant motion, his legs wrapping high around Loki's waist and pulling at him with every thrust, his hands everywhere they could reach, his head craning up to cover Loki's chest in kisses. His breath was hot against Loki's skin.

"Fuck, Loki, you're so good," Thor said. He was so tight and his cock was slick against Loki's belly like he was getting close and Loki wanted all of it.

"Yeah? Why don't you tell me what you like?" Loki asked. Thor's voice sounded raw and wrecked and he wanted to hear it every second that he was inside him, a running narrative telling him how good he was, how good he felt-

"Everything," Thor said. "God, I'm so full, and every time you - _yessss, that_ \- you hit it every fucking time and I can't, I can't-"

He broke off and grabbed onto the bars of the headboard, pushing against them as he strengthened his curls upwards, grunting with each sharp burst and Loki reached for his cock and he was spilling, covering his chest with shining ribbons and clenching down with each wave that took him and then Loki was coming too, his head on Thor's shoulder as he let go and let it take him.

They ordered pizza around seven and ate it while watching a movie and recovering. When it was gone, Thor turned to stretch out on the sofa and Loki settled in front of him before throwing a blanket over them both. He dozed off to the sound of Thor laughing softly at something on the screen.

He woke up maybe two thirds through the movie and paused it for Thor to fill him in on what he'd missed. Thor's voice was a low rumble that he could feel in his ribs. When it was over they showered again - no sex this time, just sure hands and lazy kisses - and went back to bed. Thor slotted in behind him again, warm and cozy.

This would have been easier if it were just sex. But they had talked so much, joking and laughing and sharing his fake memories and even a few of his safer real ones. He _liked_ Thor, which he had not meant to do.

He thought about everything he'd done to make himself perfect for Thor. The music he'd listened to until he could hear it in his sleep, the movies he'd spent days watching and learning. But... Thor had made himself perfect for Loki, too. No one could be that perfect. It didn't make sense, it didn't fucking _fit_. The world just wasn't like that. There was only one explanation.

Loki ran his fingertip lightly over his lips. They were so sensitive, swollen with kissing. They would still be red tomorrow. When he spoke, his voice was no more than a whisper in the darkness. "You already know, don't you?"


	9. Chapter 9

Even as the words were coming out of his mouth, Loki was regretting them. He imagined a thousand different things Thor could say. And yet, the one thing Thor did say was nothing like he'd imagined.

"Yeah, I know," Thor said softly. "It's okay. I love you too."

Loki had no idea how to respond to that, so instead he simply sighed a noncommittal <em>hmmm</em> and pulled Thor's arm more tightly around him and held it there until he fell asleep. It didn't take as long as he would have expected.

 

Thor's phone rang an hour before Loki's alarm was due to go off. Loki didn't really wake up at first, incorporating the noise into a dream that faded before he could remember it. He came to somewhere around when Thor was getting out of bed and saying, "Okay, I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Thor?" Loki said.

Thor paused in buckling his jeans to lean down and kiss his cheek. "Sorry, babe. The whole site just crashed. They lose about ten thousand dollars every minute it's down, I have to run."

"Oh. That sucks."

"The life of a lowly sysadmin. Will your front door lock behind me?"

"No, I'll come get it." Loki stumbled after him into the living room. Thor was getting his shoes on.

"I had a really good time with you. Not just the sex, all of it." Thor actually took his hand and gazed into his eyes.

“Me, too,” Loki said.

 

Loki went back to bed after Thor left. It felt too big, hard to get comfortable, and the warmth of the blankets had already faded into the cool air. The shower felt open and drafty. When he made coffee, he brewed too much. When Thor called him three hours later, the picture that popped up on his screen was one from their hike. Thor’s eyes were bright from laughing at something Loki had said. He looked at the picture until the call went to voicemail.

The next time the phone rang, it was Helblindi. He had taken on some of Loki’s projects while Loki was focused on Thor, and, not unexpectedly, he had forgotten what he was doing today. “I gave you a summary, Hel,” Loki sighed.

“Just tell me,” his brother insisted.

“You’re going to see Councilmember Newman today, right?”

“I know that, just tell me what I’m doing when I get here.”

Loki rolled his eyes at the phone. “You’re going to tell him that you know about the kickbacks he got for the bridge contract, and explain that you think he’d like to share the profits. Then you give him the number for your burner and you leave.”

“That’s it? No problem.”

Loki hung up and tried not to think about how much money they were losing from his jobs going to Helblindi.

He waited four hours before listening to Thor's message. "Hi, Loki, it's Thor. I just wanted to say hi and see how your day is going. Talk to you later."

No repeat of that _I love you_ , though he was pretty sure that this was early for people to say things like that. After all, they’d spent less than three days together. And he hadn't given the most enthusiastic reply, though Thor didn't seem to mind.

He waited until five to call back. “Sorry, I was in meetings all day,” he said apologetically.

“Shit, I have to do way too much of that too. And then they get cranky when things go down, but they don’t give me time to do my job. Is it like that for you?”

“Pretty much. But worse, cause family,” Loki answered.

“I think I’m going to be here really late tonight, but I’d like to see you soon.”

“I’d like that, too.”

 

They ended up not seeing each other until Wednesday, dinner at a little place near Thor’s work with an overbrewed samovar but pierogies to die for and afterwards there were appallingly oniony kisses that just made them laugh. They spent the night at Loki’s again.

“I thought sysadmins would get paid better,” Loki said carefully when Thor had invited himself over with an apologetic smile. “Don’t you get tired of having roommates?”

“Usually, it’s fun, having friends around all the time, and we can all talk about the things we’re working on. Sometimes, though, I would like to have my own bedroom.”

“Sometimes like now?”

“Sometimes _just_ like now. But all three of them will be gone one weekend next month, I’ll clean up and have you over then.”

The roommates were driving to Bloomington to help some college students set up a hackerspace. They wanted Thor to go, kept pestering him publicly on twitter, but he kept dodging.

@theFalcon: _Come on man I know you want to do this_

@theMightyThor: _It would be fun but I have things to do_

@ManofIron: _It’s the new boytoy, right?_

@theMightyThor: _he’s neither of those things_

@ManofIron: _Called it_

@theFalcon: _Yeah but I beat you to it_

@theMightyThor: _I just want to have him over when your feet won’t be there_

@ManofIron: _Afraid I’d steal him away_

 _Fat chance_ , Loki thought.

@theMightyThor: _Fat chance_

“I’d like to sleep in your bed,” said Loki. _I’d like to see your computer._

That led them straight back to Loki’s bed, where they finally got around to some product testing. They left the bed soaked with sweat and cum and lube and had to change the sheets before they went to sleep, far too late for a worknight.

Thor made him breakfast on Thursday before he left for work. He had brought a change of clothes with him so he didn’t have to hurry out, and the two of them sitting there together having coffee and omelettes and talking about what their days held (even though Loki’s was entirely made up on the spot) was kind of like being a couple on tv in one of those plastic shows where everyone is happy.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I usually do a last proofread, but my battery is about to die - please do let me know if you find typos!

And so their first week passed, and they began another. It grew easier to fall asleep in Thor's arms, and then it grew hard without them. Thor still hadn't repeated his declaration of love, perhaps taking Loki's own reticence on the matter as his guide. Anyway, he hardly needed to say it. The way he held Loki as they drifted off at night, the way he looked at him in the morning, that said it just as clearly. Not that Thor didn't speak _around_ it. 

"It's so good to see you," Thor would say when he arrived at Loki's door, or when Loki came down to hop in his car. The best part was that Thor said it like he really meant it. 

"You just saw me nine hours ago," Loki would answer, tilting his face up for a kiss, and Thor would kiss him like it had been nine years. 

*

Thor went back to his apartment Thursday night. Loki hid the pang of disappointment from himself as ruthlessly as he hid it from Thor. Anyway, Thor was coming over for the weekend again. He needed to go to his apartment to get some clean clothes. And really Loki was just worried that it meant more time for Thor to spend on his 'project.' His project that would destroy Loki's life. 

Friday, early afternoon, he got a text from Thor. _Do you want to go out to eat tonight?_

_Only if we can have sex in the restaurant_

_I'll get carryout and be at your place at six thirty_

_Be here at six and we'll get delivery_

_Or we can cook. I still need to see you in that apron_

_You have the weirdest kinks_

_You love me_

Loki stared at that last one, wondering how the hell to reply. Agree? Deny? Dodge? _Be here at six you freak_ he finally tapped out. 

_I will ;)_

That had to be good. The winking smiley had to be good. The dodge was the right thing to do and Thor wasn't mad or hurt by it, not if he was still flirting afterwards. Yes, everything was fine. Everything was going fine and they were fine and it was all okay. Still, when Thor showed up promptly at six, toting a grocery bag with a frozen lasagna, a salad kit, and a bottle of chianti, Loki was already wearing nothing but a shabby apron and a shining smile. Never hurts to be safe. 

*

Thor's eyes darkened appreciatively as he took in the sight of Loki standing in the doorway, hair curling around his shoulders like it had just happened to fall into a perfect tumble, long arms bare, pale calves sticking out. Thor's free arm was around Loki's back, pulling him into a slick and filthy kiss. His fingers spread out across Loki's skin, spanning the hollow of his waist, his pinky teasing at the top of Loki's ass. He had discovered that Loki was sensitive - _that kind_ of sensitive - right there, at the little dimple just above where two pale globes began to divide. 

"Hi," Thor said. 

"Hi," Loki said. "Come in." 

Thor grinned. "You don't want to give your neighbors a show? I mean, you're covered up as long as you're facing the door, but I could turn you around, bend you over and have you hold on to the door jamb..." 

"In," Loki said, giving his arm a yank. 

Thor followed him in, still grinning as Loki locked the door behind him. "Be nice, Loki. Just think of them, spending their hard-earned money on porn that wouldn't be half as hot." 

"Nobody pays for porn anymore," Loki told him. 

"Well, if you insist." Thor stepped back and gave Loki a full once-over, nodded approvingly, and went to the kitchen. He moved about efficiently, getting the lasagna in the oven and the salad in the fridge before it wilted and setting the wine aside to wait for later. 

"If you're the cook now, I guess that means I'm supposed to kiss you," Loki said. 

"I guess so." 

Loki closed the distance between them and brought his lips to Thor's throat. He kissed lightly, not sure yet how Thor felt about visible marks, but despite their lightness they _burned_. They were hot where Thor's pulse thudded beneath them, hot when they trailed down to the hollow of his throat, hot as Thor let his head fall to one side and Loki worked his way up to Thor's ear. He took the lobe between his teeth, teasing it with his tongue, before whispering. "I want you inside me," he told Thor. Not the most original thing he'd ever come up with, but it did the job. 

"Fuck," Thor hissed, and then Thor was picking him up and carrying him into the living room, Loki's legs tight about his waist and his cock pressed hard between their stomachs. 

It was a rare experience for Loki to get a request fulfilled in a manner so completely different from how he had imagined it. But that was Thor all over, and that was how he found himself with his arms crossed over the back of the tatty velvet recliner and his forehead pressed against them, his legs straight as pokers and his ass jutting high into the air while Thor sat beneath him, eagerly sucking his cock and sliding two thick fingers inside of him. 

While it really was quite difficult to hold himself upright, it did give him a rare opportunity. It almost never happened that when they were having sex, Loki's mouth was free. If he wasn't kissing Thor, or sucking Thor's cock, he was biting a pillow or licking every inch of skin in reach. But this chair wasn't very biteable and he couldn't reach any part of Thor at all. 

"God, Thor, you feel so good. Your mouth is so hot, and I can't believe how far you take me down. I want- _hah_ , yes, do that," he panted. 

Thor raised his eyes, meeting Loki's gaze and cocking an eyebrow. Challenging him to finish his sentence. 

"I can't wait to do this to you. I love how your cock feels on my tongue, how your skin tastes like salt and smells like musk, and I-" 

Thor gave him a nod. _Go on._

"Fuck, Thor, I love how you feel inside, how you're so tight but you open up just right for me." Loki paused, trying to catch his breath, and Thor slowed his ministrations. 

Loki made a sound of protest - he was getting _so_ close - and Thor gave him that eyebrow again. But he was not entirely without mercy; the moment Loki continued speaking, Thor redoubled his efforts to get Loki off, fast and hard. 

"And your fingers - fuck, they're so thick - when I do this to you, I'll have to use three _oh!_ " At that, Thor slid a third one in, the stretch _just_ right, and Loki could talk no more. 

*

Over dinner, they talked about a book that Thor had loaned Loki. He was reading it in short sections, pretending that he wasn't free all day. 

"How far have you read to?" Thor asked, taking a sip of wine as Loki answered. 

"D has just gone through the secret tunnels under the Green Wall, and learned that I is working with the Mephi. He's still deciding whether or not to turn her in." 

"Do you think he should?" 

"Turn her in to the government? Of course not. He's in love with her." 

"Is that enough?" Thor asked. He waited and took another sip. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The book they're talking about here is 'We' by Yvgeny Zamyatin. It was one of the biggest influences on Orwell's 1984, and if you haven't read it and you like dystopias, you are missing a treat.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of little snippets today! Enjoy.

Thor had emptied his pockets onto Loki's nightstand. "This is a new keychain," Loki said, picking it up and tilting it to watch the little plastic dolphin swim past the coral reef painted on the back of the tube.

"Hmm? Oh, yeah. My mom gave that to me. She and my dad just got back from Florida."

"I didn't know people went to Florida in the spring." Loki tilted it the other way, making the dolphin swim backwards.

Thor shrugged. "That's when Mom likes it."

"And God, look at your wallet! It's so fat. What do you carry around with you, a phone book?"

Thor laughed. "It's not that much, really. Look." He reached across Loki and picked it up. "Debit card - normal - two credit cards - normal - my license, some cash and a couple pictures. All normal."

"Can I see?" Loki hadn't seen any pictures of Thor's family. They couldn't all be tall godly blonds.

"Sure." Thor handed it to him and laid back into his pillows.

Loki was right. The woman - Thor's mom - was tall and blonde, but his dad, though tall, had darker hair. They stood next to each other, smiling, his arm lightly around her waist. Sitting in front of them, smiling toothily, was a little blond Thor, with two tiny bald babies on his lap. "Cute family," Loki said. "Everyone looks really happy."

"Yeah," Thor said, smiling fondly.

 

There were two photography exhibits at the Art Institute that sounded good - Deana Lawson and Alfred Stieglitz - and they actually forced themselves out of bed to go see them on Saturday. The two were strikingly different and equally striking.

Stieglitz was the first one they visited, to see things in chronological order. It turned out to be more of a retrospective of early photography, and was full of dreamy, ethereal images. Even the gritty train yard with the engine billowing huge plumes of smoke took on an aura of romance. Crossing the hall to the Lawson exhibit was like switching from a gramophone to a set of thousand-dollar speakers. Her photographs were crisp and sharp, the high gloss of the prints setting off the precision of her work. These were portraits, at once intimate and formal. The gaze of the pregnant woman in the pale blue dress was almost paralyzing. 

"Which one did you like more?" Thor asked as they descended the marble steps into the cooling evening.

"Hard to say. I liked being able to see both of them," Loki said. "What about you?"

"I liked the history in the Stieglitz one, but I also really liked the social commentary that Lawson does. She seems like someone who doesn't let anyone get away with anything."

Loki nodded in silent agreement. 

 

"I cleared off a shelf in the medicine cabinet for you," Loki told Thor that evening. It had already gotten a second toothbrush and a second stick of deodorant anyway, there was no reason not to be considerate. Thor liked it when Loki was considerate. Loki liked it, too; it showed he was thoughtful. Trustworthy.

"Thanks," Thor said. Loki's head was resting on his chest as they laid on the sofa watching TV. Thor's ribs vibrated with his voice.

Loki shifted his head to rub his cheek against Thor's skin, letting his lips _just happen_ to brush against a nipple as he spoke. "You have to help me with laundry if you're going to keep leaving your dirty clothes here, though."

"Get up," Thor said.

"I didn't mean this second," Loki said, laughing.

"Don't care. Get up."

He got up and Thor rose after him, disappearing into the bedroom and returning with the full hamper. "Detergent in here?"

"Yeah, in the bottom. There's a roll of quarters, too."

Thor loaded the machines added the soap and filled the coin trays. They had barely started before Thor had Loki backed against one of them, his body pinned between Thor and cold painted metal. Thor twisted his hips back and forth, so slowly, the vibrations of the machine running through them both, biting playfully at Loki's laughing lips.

"What's so funny?" Thor asked.

"It's like being a teenager, making out in the laundry room on Saturday night," Loki told him.

"You make me as horny as one."

"Nice sexy talk there," Loki said with a snort.

"Hey, you might as well get the real me, right?"

The _real Thor_ was exactly what Loki got. He was pretty sure he hadn't cum in his pants in at least ten years.

 

On Sunday they were halfway through a ridiculously huge platter of French toast when Thor's phone went off with the ring he couldn't ignore. He ran for the bedroom and returned listening to a voice mail and frowning. "I have to go in to work. I'm so sorry, this was really good. I'll be back this evening, okay?"

No. Definitely _not_ okay. Loki leaned back for a kiss. "Of course, I understand. Do you get overtime for stuff like this?"

"Nah, I'll just take Friday off. It'll give me some time to clean up the apartment before you come over, and I really need a good chunk of time for this project I'm doing. I'm getting close. I can feel it."

Loki spent the rest of Sunday trying fifty million things, looking for distraction and finding it nowhere, until Thor came back. "Don't know what they expect me to do when they won't buy the backups I keep saying they need," he said, frustrated.

"You need some distraction," Loki said. "Let's have an early night."

 

"So, where _do_ you work, anyway?" Thor asked him as they dressed on Monday.

"Family business," Loki said absently. _See? Nothing to see here. Nothing to hide._

"No, I mean, what part of town?"

"Oh. River North, near Old Town. Why?"

"Just curious. I thought it might be fun to meet for lunch sometime, but that's too far the wrong direction."

"Yeah," Loki agreed. He looked disappointed.

"Anyway, do you like Florence's?" Thor asked him.

"I don't think I've ever been there."

"It's a diner on twelfth. Very post-war, everything-is-perfect kind of fake atmosphere, but if you can ignore that, the burgers are amazing."

Loki smiled. "I can ignore anything for a good burger. Six-fifteen?"

"Seven okay? There's something I have to do first."

"No, I don't want to wait even longer than usual," Loki said with a playful smile. "Whatcha doing?"

"Something," Thor said. That would have seemed playful, too, but then he got this look on his face.

"What?" Loki asked.

Thor shook his head. "You'll just have to wait and see."

 

Thor's back was to the door when Loki got there. He stuck way up over the back of the booth, his hair shining brightly under the barrage of lights.

"Hi," Loki said, leaning in to kiss his cheek.

"Hi," Thor said.

Loki slid onto the opposite bench. A colorful paper bag was on the seat next to Thor. "FAO Schwartz? We're you late because you went toy shopping?"

Thor actually blushed. Just a little, just the slightest flush to his cheeks, but by this point Loki would have guessed it was impossible. "Yeah. I wanted - here. It's for you." He passed the bag over the table.

There was a lot of tissue paper packed in the top, bright childish colors, and underneath was a small brown teddy bear in lederhosen. Loki looked up.

"We met two weeks ago today at the Berlin airport," Thor explained. "I know it's silly..."

"I love it. Really," Loki said. He reached across the table and took Thor's hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was faster to send them to real exhibits than to think something up, so if you're interested in their museum trip, [here's Lawson](http://www.artic.edu/exhibition/deana-lawson-ruttenberg-contemporary-photography-series) and [here's Stieglitz.](http://www.artic.edu/exhibition/alfred-stieglitz-and-19th-century) I'd never heard of Lawson before, her work is amazing.


	12. Chapter 12

When they got back to Loki's apartment, he put his bear on the nightstand. It felt kind of weird to have a teddy bear watch them making out. It was weirder to have a teddy bear watch them have sex. It was the first thing he saw when he opened his eyes the next morning. "Come back tonight?" he asked Thor.

Three nights. Three more nights until Loki got into Thor's apartment. He'd managed to slow Thor down on his project, but slowing him down wasn't enough. Loki needed to _stop_ him before it was too late.

"I can't, babe," Thor said. He looked regretful. "I really need to put a few hours in tonight. I'm so close, I can feel it."

 _Shit._ "Aren't I prettier than your computer?" Loki asked, batting his lashes.

"Much prettier than my computer, and prettier still than the thing I'm working on. But I need to do this," Thor told him. "It's really important to me."

Loki mentally crossed his fingers. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked. Just being a supportive boyfriend. They hadn't actually discussed titles like that, of course, but the teddy bear pretty much said it. Unless the bear actually said something much worse, he realized with a start.

"No," Thor sighed. "I don't want even to think about it when I'm with you."

 

The second the door closed behind Thor ("I'll see you tomorrow night, I promise," he had said before a lingering kiss goodbye) Loki was running down the hall to the bedroom. Since the thought had struck him, he hadn't been able to think of anything else. Not their conversation, not the full scope of his assignment, not even how Thor looked all dripping and steamy from the shower. Just the bear.

He ran his fingers over every inch of it, took off its little lederhosen, squeezed it as hard as he could, feeling for anything wrong. Anything hard. Anything big enough to have a microphone and a transmitter, for Thor to listen to Loki's conversations when he wasn't there. There was nothing.

It was ridiculous, he realized as he redressed it. Thor had half moved in. A bug could be sewn into the hem of that pair of jeans tossed over the back of a chair, it could be in the warm jacket that had appeared in Loki's closet, the one he liked to bury his face in and breathe in the scent of Thor's hair. Between the sofa cushions. He couldn't talk anywhere in his apartment, not if he wanted to be sure he was safe.

 

It was hard to pretend that familial affection was what brought him to see his father, but Loki could hardly let on that he half-thought Thor was on to him. If he breathed a single word of his suspicions, Farbauti would have Thor killed, no matter what Angrboda feared.

It turned out that was what Farbauti was planning, anyway. "This whole thing is taking too long. He knows some things, but if we let this go on he'll just learn more. If he doesn't have too much we can cover it up. And I need you back on your regular work. Helblindi is good muscle but he's shit at blackmail."

"I'm working on it," Loki pleaded.

"I don't need _working on it_ , I need answers," Farbauti snarled.

"Please, Dad. I'm getting close, we just have to wait for next weekend. His roommates will be gone. I'll take care of everything then. I just need to keep things under control a few more days."

That was far from all he needed. He also needed to figure out how to make Thor tell him where he kept his backups, how to get to them, how to destroy them. It was a lot to think about. And yet he found himself thinking instead about how to convince his father that maybe Thor didn't need to die.

"He's got a lot of friends who are hackers," Loki tested.

"What has that got to do with anything?"

"Just that... if we get rid of him, they might get suspicious and try to figure it out. See if they can crack whatever it was that he died for."

"Then we kill them too. Simple."

Farbauti had always been inclined to deal with his problems directly. They had enough cops in their pocket that it generally worked out okay, but there were limits. Loki preferred to stay under the radar. He'd never ordered a kill himself, tried to steer clear of all that. It wasn't that he felt bad about the people who died, but... this was different. Thor and his friends weren't like the people they usually dealt with; frankly, the world was better off without them. Loki knew that it wasn't really something that should be up to other criminals to decide, but, well, there it was. _Thor_ , though. Thor hadn't done anything wrong.

Loki felt a pang of conscience and schooled his face before turning back to his father.


	13. Chapter 13

It was the night before the weekend that would decide everything. Two weeks since their first date. Loki gave Thor a box of chocolates, trying to act like he hadn't copied the idea of a two-week anniversary present. Well, he hadn't completely copied it. Plush toys couldn't be melted onto bare skin.

"What time do your roommates leave tomorrow? I could take the day off..."

"No, why don't you come over after work, like we planned. They won't leave until around three. Which means I won't have it clean until six, at best. Anyway, I really _really_ need the computer time." (On Tuesday afternoon, Loki had gotten himself hard, gotten close so that his breathing was rough and raw just the way Thor liked it, and called Thor. He jerked himself off and hung up just before Thor got to hear him come. Thor did not go home Tuesday night, after all.)

Loki pouted because it always made Thor kiss him when he did that. If he couldn't get an early invitation, he'd just have to keep Thor awake all night.

 

Close. He kept Thor awake until after four. Those chocolates really had come in useful, and while it did seem a little unfair that Loki ended up getting to eat more of them than Thor did, Thor got to have them eaten _off_ him, and that had to count for something.

"Let's just do this forever. Let's forget everything and do this forever," Loki panted as Thor teased the last traces of a bourbon truffle off one tight pink nipple.

Thor kissed his way down with painful slowness as he answered. "Mmm, but a body this perfect can't run on chocolate alone. It wants healthy things inside of it. Carrots. Bananas. Cucumbers."

"Just plants?" Loki wiggled, trying to subtly shift higher up in the bed, reducing the distance Thor still had to go.

Thor laughed and pressed a firm hand on Loki's spit-wet chest. "No, a body like this needs protein. Maybe a nice big sausage."

"Is that what you're going to give me?"

"Mmmm," Thor purred, rubbing his lips on Loki's cock and _not_ opening up like he really was supposed to. "Later. I want this first."

"Get it wet, then."

Thor gave it a long lick. "Like that?"

Loki groaned in frustration, making Thor laugh again. It was maddening. "Why don't you tell me how you want it?" Thor teased.

"Suck it," Loki said. "Get your lips all the way down like I know you can do, the way you take it right into your throat without choking. Get it all the way in and suck so I can feel your throat get all tight around me, so I can run my fingers down the outside and feel myself inside there. And get yourself ready, while you're at it. I bet you'll suck me even harder when you hit it just right."

Thor's eyes had darkened somehow further as Loki talked, his chest taking on a heated flush. "You wouldn't rather watch?" he asked. _Oh,_ there it was. His voice was still teasing, but it had gone quiet and dark.

"Move that mirror," Loki said, pointing.

Thor's laugh was shaky as he got up and dragged the tall mirror to stand at the foot of the bed.

It was utterly exquisite to see Thor sliding those thick fingers inside himself as he slid his warm lips down Loki's cock. He tangled his own fingers into Thor's hair and Thor gave a rumble of happiness.

 

Thor woke him at ten. Not nearly late enough. Loki should have snuck some caffeine pills last night when Thor went to take a leak. "Loki! Shit, it's late, your alarm didn't go off," he said.

"Oh. Fuck. Can you make my breakfast while I shower?" Turning the alarm off had helped, but he couldn't really pretend that he wasn't in a rush to get to work. Still, he managed to delay him until almost a quarter til eleven.

"Look, I hate to ask this, but... could I borrow a key? I'll give it back to you tonight, I promise. I just really need to shower before I get dressed, and I don't want to make you any later."

"Sure," Loki said, getting the spare from his desk drawer. "Here you go."

He was desperate to sit in the coffee shop across the street, see how long it took before Thor left, but he didn't dare. He had never been so on edge in his life, and he had to get some of that tension out before he went over to Thor's apartment. _The spa_ , he decided. A massage and a sauna would have him almost floppy with relaxation.

The massage was good - the therapist caught on quickly that he wasn't interested in conversation - and the sauna, where he found it too hot to think about anything except the heat, was even better. But that only took three hours. He got a late lunch, just a salad, since breakfast had been late too, and then headed to the ATM and the liquor store.

He'd decided that he needed to get Thor drunk. Really drunk. Drunk enough to tell Loki all about his project, and show him not only his computer but where all his backups were. Drunk enough that he couldn't stop Loki from destroying them, drunk enough Loki could put him in a cab to a hotel the next state over with an overnight bag, a thousand dollars cash to hold him over until Loki could figure things out, and a plea for forgiveness.

He was browsing the whiskey aisle - Thor liked single malts, and he tended not to notice quite how fast he drank them - when his phone rang. _Julie_ , read the caller ID. Angrboda. She hated talking on the phone. It meant she never called without a very good reason.

“He got in,” she said before he could even say _hello._ “He got through my encryption and he found everything about you. If he hasn’t read it yet, he will soon.”

“Shit.” Loki hung up and ignored the incessant ringing of his phone as he ran to his car. He knew it was stupid to go back. He was a smart man, and knew what stupid was, and this was monumentally stupid. Stupid to go back to a fake apartment that housed a fake life, where he had faked-

-no. That wasn't fake. The love was real. And even if he'd never see Thor again, _especially_ if he'd never see Thor again... he wanted that little bear. Stupid. Stupid.

He barely had the lock turned before the door was being pulled open, and Thor was standing there. Loki met his eyes. He was prepared for Thor’s anger.

He was not prepared for Thor’s heartbreak.

“How could you?” Thor asked. His voice was so quiet. “How could you do that?”

“You were trying to destroy us,” Loki said. He stepped inside and closed the door behind him. _There's no room for mistakes, ever._

“Of course I was! And then you made me fall in love with you, and then I learn… this.”

“I fell in love with you, too,” Loki said, reaching for him.

Thor shuddered back from his hand. “Don’t touch me. You make me _sick_. There's no way you can love me, no way you can love _anything_ , but you made me believe it. It was bad enough to make me fall for you, but to make me think you loved me back? How could you do that?"His last words were barely more than air. It was so much worse than yelling.

Thor started to reach for Loki then but stopped his hand halfway. His face was a mask of agony, the unique pain found only in those times when the one to whom one turns for comfort is the same one who inflicts the need. Loki knew what that felt like. Like nothing could be kinder in that moment than a knife to the heart. It killed him to be the one to do it to Thor.

"Look. I know we're not good people, my family," he began levelly. Thor gave a harsh laugh at his words. "I _know_ we're not good, but the people we deal with, they're not good either. It's not like they don't deserve it-"

"What?" Thor hissed. "How can you possibly say that? How can you stand there and look me in the face and say that?"

"Corrupt politicians! Executives skimming off every transaction that passes through their office! Cops who don't notice things, and for fee, we don't notice either. Why should they be the only ones to profit? We see an opportunity, we take it. But they're the ones who leave themselves open to it." His calm veneer was utterly lost; his voice was begging, pleading, _please don't hate me, I love you,_ and he was actually crying, Thor had to understand, Loki didn't hurt _good_ people-


	14. Chapter 14

Thor met his eyes. "You really have no fucking clue, do you?"

"What? I don't know what you mean," Loki said. Confusion warred with anguish, and Thor saw it all.

"You - no, tell me this. Why did you even come back here? It's not like it's your home."

_It is. It is my home. You made it my home._ "I wanted my bear," he said simply.

Thor shook his head. "I really hope this isn't the dumbest move of my life," he said, and pulled a thumb drive out of his pocket. "Wake up your laptop."

Loki put in the password and moved aside for Thor to sit down at the desk. He put in the drive and browsed through the files until he found what he wanted. An excel file, of all things. So pedestrian a thing to break a heart.

Thor opened it and they watched as the program opened with even more than its usual painful slowness. Once the file appeared, it was clear why - the thing was massive, the little scroll bar at the right the thinnest it could go. Column one was a series of dates, column two held what looked like nonsense, a jumble of letters and numbers, while column three was just numbers. But Loki had seen spreadsheets like this before, populated some of them himself. The jumbles were the codes for people he had blackmailed, the numbers were how much money he'd gotten from them.

"These are people," Thor said, pointing at the codes.

"Yes," Loki said.

"No, they're _people_ ," Thor said, and clicked over to the second sheet. There were those codes again, but the other columns were filled with things he'd never seen before. Words, numbers, and there was so much of it that he had to focus on single lines before he could make sense of it all.

25.1. 16.2. F. Black. Hazel. Light brown. 6 mo. Smiles. 

21.2. 14.2. M. Red. Blue. Pale. 3 mo. Colic.

Length. Weight. Sex. Hair color. Eye color. Skin color. Age. Traits.

"Oh my God," Loki whispered. "It's people. It's babies."

"You really didn't know."

Loki shook his head.

“But how could they… I mean, if that many babies went missing in Chicago the police would have found a pattern, wouldn’t they? It’d be in all the news. Look, that’s four on one day.”

Another file. This one had a long string of sheets, each one with a different place name. Chicago was first, and it again held a list of dates and codes. Thor scrolled over, showing Loki the long list of places. “See? Never too many in one place before they take a break. They move around, and it’s erratic.”

“All those cities. Is my dad at the top of this, or is he working for someone?”

“He’s the top. I’m sorry,” Thor added when Loki went even paler.

“I assume you already sent this to law enforcement before coming here.” Thor nodded. He wasn’t stupid enough to show up before it was too late to stop him. “Who?”

“The FBI. I sent them a dupe of this drive.”

“ _Who?_ Names.”

“I didn’t – I just put FBI.”

“Local office?”

“DC. It seemed safer, I thought you’d be less likely to have people under your control there.”

Loki reached forwards, took the mouse. He clicked on the DC tab. “Look at all those. Dad must have people there working for him. Do you really want to risk him not controlling whoever opens the mail?”

“What else was I supposed to do? I didn’t set out to look for bad cops, I wanted to break a kidnapping ring. I don’t know who I can trust.”

“But I do.” Loki opened his trash can and dug out a padded envelope. “Hill. Chicago field office. I couldn’t find anything on her no matter how hard I dug.”

Thor pulled out the thumb drive and reached for the envelope. “I’ll get that labelled while you pack.”

“Pack?”

“Fast. We have to disappear.”

“We can't. They’re everywhere,” Loki said desperately.

“Not everywhere. Take just what you need, something no bigger than mine. Carryon size,” Thor said, pointing towards the door. A backpack sat there, stuffed almost to bursting. Loki hadn't noticed it.

Loki nodded silently and got a duffel bag from the hall closet. It was one he had bought when he moved in here, something to sit in the closet because that was the sort of thing people had. If he'd expected to use it, he'd have put more care into the purchase; the zipper on it was really shitty and by the time he managed to tug it open, Thor had the envelope ready to mail.

Thor followed him into the bedroom, watched as he dumped out drawer after drawer onto the bed, flipping them over and collecting the packets taped to their undersides. His bear - there was no way in hell he was leaving that bear now - went next. Only after those were all in his bag did he start adding clothes. His passport - Loki Anderson's passport, but his own was in his real apartment, and there was no going back - and a few toiletries just fit in the top.

“Ready?” Thor asked.

Loki nodded. “Does this mean we’re okay?” he asked hesitantly.

Thor’s laughter sounded like a death rattle.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The escape begins...

By silent mutual agreement the hailed a cab, abandoning their cars to the tender mercies of Chicago traffic control.

“O’Hare,” Thor said as he climbed in the back seat and slid over for Loki.

“Not much luggage for a vacation,” commented the driver.

“Cancun,” Loki answered smoothly. “Don’t need much but swimsuits.”

“It’s starting to get hot there, this time of year, isn’t it? My wife and I went to Mexico in January.”

“How nice,” Thor said politely, ignoring the question.

Thor pulled his small laptop from his backpack and turned on his phone’s hotspot. The second it was connected he was typing furiously, putting in his credit card and then typing more. Loki glanced over at the screen but it made no sense, so he pulled out his own phone and set to work. Fortunately, it appeared that they weren’t suspicious of him yet; he still had access to all his bank accounts. He changed the password to his Swiss account and then worked methodically through all the others, transferring their balances into it.

When they got to the airport, Loki found out that Thor had not only bought their tickets, he had changed the purchase date in the airline's system so they wouldn't get flagged for extra security. Check-in at the Delta counter was smooth; Loki didn't recognize anyone, though it didn't mean they weren't being watched. When he put his boarding pass in the pocket of his jacket, he made sure that the text faced outwards. It was fully tucked away when he stood still, of course; he knew better than to be obvious. But when he walked, his hip pushed it forwards just enough for the airport code to show. MIA. _Miami International Airport_ , but Loki couldn't help wonder if Thor had chosen the destination on purpose. After all, the goal right now was to go missing.

"Fuck, look at that line," Thor said when they got to the TSA checkpoint for their terminal.

"Yeah. At least we have enough time," Loki said. "And all the scanners are going, that's something."

In absolute minutes, the wait took far less time than they had expected. Absolute minutes are a terrible measure of time when one feels like at any moment a bullet might be winging towards one's head. But they made it through, safe and with no extra checks, thanks to Thor's date change.

Once they got past security, they found a bar. Neither wanted a drink, but it was darker and quieter than the rest of the terminal. The closest they could get to a hiding place. As soon as they took their seats, Thor tucked his hair under a baseball cap. There was nothing to be done about his height, but his hair at least could be hidden.

The tumblers sat there untouched, sweating onto the garishly branded cocktail napkins. "We should talk. We need to look normal," Loki said quietly.

"Fine. I'll talk," Thor said. His voice was low and vicious. "Why don't I tell you about this movie I was just watching? It starts out in an airport, a guy was at a conference and had a good time with his friends and gave a presentation and learned some new things. So now he's in the airport to go home and he starts talking with someone at the gate and when they get home he thinks they've accidentally switched bags but really -"

" _Okay,_ " Loki said. "I know that you're mad, but we have to look normal. We made it this far, we can't fuck up now. At least uncross your arms. People notice it when people are mad. We'll talk about it later."

"You'd know all about that," Thor answered, but he let his hands fall to his lap and leaned forwards, trying to look interested. Loki had to give him credit for that, at least. He was trying. He hadn't had a lifetime of pretending to prepare him for this.

Ten minutes before the flight to LA ended boarding, they went to the bathroom, tore their boarding passes into tiny shreds, and flushed them. Thor had put the Miami tickets on his credit card; they had to assume that by now Angrboda had seen the charge and gotten into the airline’s system. Loki put the new flight on his credit card anyway. Even if she were monitoring his cards by now, which he had to assume she was, it would take her another couple minutes to look up their new destination. Thor waited in his stall, refreshing his email, until his confirmation arrived. They checked in for the new flights, left the bathroom, and got to their gate as the agent was making the final call.

They flew economy; once they were on the plane there was no further use of a low profile, but until Loki found a way to draw cash on his sole account, they had to watch their money. At least there wasn't anyone in the middle seat. Loki took the window so that Thor could stretch his legs into the aisle. The smile of thanks that Thor gave him was small and tight, but it looked sincere.

Loki stared out the window, as the flight attendants made their final safety checks. The plane was just pulling away from the jetway when Helblindi’s face appeared in the airport window. He looked like a ghost through the reflection of the afternoon sun.

He slammed down the shade, his blood turning to ice. “My brother,” he said, and he felt Thor stiffen beside him.

“Your brother?” Thor asked.

“In the window. If he’d been here two minutes earlier…”

The man in the seat ahead of them turned around. “Your brother missed the flight? You should have told them to hold it, if you knew he was coming.”

“Yes, of course. I didn’t think of that. Next time,” Loki said with a smile. “He’s always running late.”

Thor watched him with hooded eyes as he lied smoothly. He supposed it didn’t matter now that Thor witnessed how easily he could lie. Thor already knew perfectly well. It made something do an uncomfortable twist inside him, all the same.

The second they were told that electronics could be turned on, Thor had his laptop out and waking up. The plane’s wifi was slow, but they had hours. Loki watched him click a little onion icon and flipped through the inflight magazine while he waited for the program to load. Once Tor was open he went to his email. Loki had never seem him type so slowly as these goodbye messages to his family.

_Dear Mom and Dad, I have to disappear for a while. It’s safer for you if you don’t know where I’m going,_

-at that Loki reached over, hands above the keyboard. Thor let him type out what he couldn’t speak. _My dad is vindictive. They should hide, too_ he wrote.

Thor nodded and deleted Loki’s message. _and it might be good for you to lie low for a while, too. I’m sorry I can’t tell you more but it’s to keep you safe. I’m so sorry this happened. I love you. Thor._

Thor glanced at Loki, who nodded his agreement. Thor hit _send_ and started another message.

_Hey guys, I found some stuff that is dangerous but important. I turned it in to law enforcement but until it’s all cleared up I need to be gone, and I need you to look after mom and dad for me. You all need to hide for a while too. Please make them understand this was something I had to do. Love you. Thor._

He again checked with Loki before sending it.

 

Loki's body was buzzing with tension as Thor continued typing, tabs and tabs full of code and data tables that looked like they were from the seventies. At last he pulled out his phone and typed a note. _He'll have someone waiting for the plane. I won't recognize any of his people here._

Thor nodded as he read and took it to write his reply. _I'm looking for a flight where we'll have the last seats. They can follow us through the airport and see where we're going, but they'll have to catch a later plane._

_If we make it through the airport alive_

The look Thor gave him was almost tender. Almost.  _I won't let anyone hurt you_

_Us_ , Loki corrected.

Thor nodded. _We'll be okay_

With that reassurance, he went back to work. The clouds were too heavy to watch the ground passing beneath them, so Loki let his eyes rest on the little screen in the back of the seat ahead of him. It had a map of the continent and showed their airplane creeping across it. They were just crossing the border from Nevada to California when Thor slid the laptop in front of him and reached for the phone.

_It's instant credit card approval. If you get one, it'll take a little while for it to be processed, we can be on our next flight before Angie even knows you have it._

Loki filled out the form and within five minutes the number for his new credit card appeared on the screen. He passed it back to Thor.

_Thanks, I wouldn't have been approved for that._

_Sure_

Thor copied the number and bought their next flight. Beijing.

_They'll come after us right away_

Thor opened a new word file to type a longer answer, fingers flying across the keyboard as they couldn't on a phone. _But they'll be too late. Your dad doesn't have anyone in Honolulu. The soonest they can arrive is eighty-seven minutes after us. I found emails about them talking about expanding into Asia, but no evidence that they’d done anything beyond the most preliminary scouting. They'll be wandering a city of millions with our photos, asking for help of people who have no reason to give it._

Loki smiled his understanding. Once they made the next flight, they could relax. They just had to make it through the airport.


	16. Chapter 16

Loki almost laughed when they got off their plane. If his father knew how pathetic his people here were, he'd have gotten rid of them ages ago. Two overly burly men - no larger than Thor, really, but _awkward_ in a way that Thor was grace - wearing aviator sunglasses and ill-fitting suits that just screamed 'hired muscle' were standing right next to the fidgeting gate agent.

Thor slipped from Loki's left to his right, putting himself between Loki and the waiting men. He linked his elbow through Loki's. His arm was tense with anticipation, and he had clearly done it simply to steer Loki, but it was warm. They continued walking at the same pace until they just cleared the doorway, when Thor froze. "Did I forget my wallet?" he asked loudly.

The businessman following behind them nearly bumped into Thor and swore at him as he circled around to Thor's right.

"Oh, there it is, right in my pocket," Thor said, stepping forwards just as the scowling suit went past. The crowd of people pouring out of the train meant their tail couldn't get immediately behind them, and as they melted into the crush of bodies hurrying down the center of the terminal, Loki glanced back to see that the would-be killers were struggling to get closer.

"When we get on the shuttle, stand behind me," Thor said quietly.

"I can fight too," Loki said.

"If we time it right, we won't have to fight."

Loki frowned, but just as they got to the shuttle, the automated voice began its warning that the doors were about to close. Loki stepped through quickly, Thor followed him and turned, half blocking the doorway. A few more people shoved past him and then their tail caught up. Thor's foot shot out, catching the nearer man in the chest and knocking him backwards, taking his partner down with him. By the time they were on their feet, the doors were closed, Loki was waving a cheery goodbye, and everyone was edging away from Thor.

When in LA, Loki figured. And Thor could be taken for hired muscle. "Paparazzi," he explained, to a sea of now-understanding faces.

 

Their plane was just beginning to board when they reached the gate. Their ticketed seats weren't together; Loki was in first class, Thor in the last row of business, but as expected, there was no difficulty in getting Thor's seatmate to trade with Loki. They were getting themselves settled in when there was a burst of yelling in the jetway, followed by a piercing scream. It fell quiet after a few seconds that felt like years.

Thor was in the aisle seat again. "What happened," he asked, catching the arm of someone passing down the aisle.

"These two crazy guys tried to just bust their way onto the plane," she said, shaking her head.

Loki heaved a sigh. Airport security must have been right there, to have gotten them in time. That had been way too close. Nor could they be sure that there wasn't a backup plan. Neither of them relaxed until they saw the jetway pulling back.

It was nearly nine when the plane took off, late enough to not have an evening meal service, but the flight attendant was passing through the cabin all the same, asking if anyone wanted a drink or something to eat. Loki took a fruit and cheese plate and a glass of champagne. As nightmarishly awful as the day had proven to be, the next day - when they were alone, and had to _have a talk_ \- was going to be even worse, and he needed sleep. To Loki's surprise, Thor also had champagne. He also got the fruit and cheese plate, a roast beef au jus sandwich, a caesar salad, and a slice of cheesecake.

Loki thought briefly of asking for a bite of cheesecake. They always shared bites of each others' dessert when they went out, playful flirting that foreshadowed the sweetness of later kisses. He looked over at Thor and said nothing.

The cabin lights were dimmed as soon as the plates were cleared. Thor lowered his seat, which reclined to not really the 180 degrees as promised by the airline, but close enough that it made a respectable, if short and narrow, bed. Loki followed suit.

"Thor?" he whispered, barely audible over the roar of the engines.

"Go to sleep," Thor said.


	17. Chapter 17

They talked just enough to not look like they weren't talking to each other. A comment about the movie selection, another about the breakfast that arrived at their seats promptly at 8 a.m. in whatever time zone Beijing was in.

The laptop came back out after they ate, more searching, more notes.

 _Do you know how to get access to the money in your account?_ Thor asked.

_I can wire it to a local bank for a price, or open a local account and transfer_

_That sounds slow_

_It can be_

_I assume those packets from your dresser were cash?_

Loki nodded.

_Let's see if that's enough_

Loki nodded again. He rather suspected that it would be.

He once again grew tense as the plane started its descent.

_It's okay, we just need to get out of the airport before the next bank of flights come in. The worst is over_

Despite Thor's confidence, they did not take a connecting flight. Their gate was only two down from where the terminal shuttle picked up, which had them to the main terminal fairly quickly. Thor had read on the plane that all baggage was searched, so they stopped in the restroom to put some of Loki's money into their clothes. The immigration line was a nightmare - little signage for international travellers, and only three agents to process the long line of people - but once they were through, the exchange desk had a helpful clerk who not only changed their money quickly, but gave them directions to the train office, where they could get tickets, and advice on avoiding illegal taxis.

The ride to the train station was, for the most part, a letdown. The freeway was like every other freeway, though, fortunately, far less congested than it could have been. It wasn't until they neared the station that it really looked like they were somewhere _new_. Windows were protected by geometric lattices instead of shutters; instead of gutters, the edges of roofs had curled tiles that alternated, looking almost like fish scales; round red lanterns hung from poles that jutted out above the doorways. And then, just as quickly as they had turned onto this little street, they were back onto a major road and arriving at the station.

"Do you want to get something to eat, or just go to the train?" Thor asked.

Loki wasn't hungry. He looked around, imagining what it would have been like to make this same trip if things between them were different. _Train_ , he would have said, even if he were hungry, for they had gotten a sleeper car and hadn't touched in over twenty-seven hours. But now, their sleeper car meant privacy for other things, things he wasn't sure he was ready to face. "Let's eat," he said.

Their server didn't speak any English, which they had expected, and there weren't any bilingual menus. There were tabletoppers with what they assumed were specials of the day, though, and these had photographs. Loki pointed to a picture of steamed buns, Thor to a bowl of noodles. The buns were stuffed with spiced meat. They would have been delicious, if Loki could have tasted anything but dread.

Thor heaved a sigh as Loki paid the bill. "I guess we'd better get this over with," he said. Loki nodded.

When they reached the train, an attendant led them through the long chain of cars to their sleeper, pointing out the dining car and lounge car on the way. She showed them how the sink and toilet in their small bathroom worked, how to open the window, and how to change the lower bunk from a sofa to a nicely sized bed. And then they were alone, with no one listening, no one watching, no way to put things off.

"Which bunk do you want?" Thor asked.

Of course it was too much to hope that they'd share the lower one. "The upper one is fine," Loki said.

"You broke my heart," said Thor abruptly.

"I know, and I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

"I believe you."

"Does it help at all?"

Thor shrugged. "A little, maybe. I guess. But it kind of makes it worse too."

Loki sat down on the couch, all the way at one end so that Thor could sit down without having to be too close. Before, he always sat in the middle so Thor _had_ to be right next to him. But then, before, Thor always wanted to be. "Can I tell you the things you don't know?" he asked.

Thor sat at the opposite end, as far away as he could sit. "Okay."

"The first time I heard about you was when my father brought me a folder and said I had an assignment. I hadn't gotten any in years, I'd been doing my own research, my own work. I was... well, honestly, I was surprised he came to me instead of having you killed. But Angrboda was afraid that you had an automatic message set up to send everything to the police if you didn't sign in every so often. So dad wanted me to get close to you. I sent Helblindi to the airport to get pictures of your suitcase..."

"Of course," Thor murmured. "I hadn't even thought about that part of it. There's been so much to think about."

Loki nodded. "I know. And I took your bag, and we met, and at first I was just trying to find out what you knew, and how you kept it stored-"

Thor barked a laugh. "That's why you kept asking about my apartment. Can you believe I actually thought you were thinking of asking me to move in, and you wanted to see how messy I was before you said anything?"

"I didn't even dare to dream that far. Dad got nervous about how long I was taking, and he started talking about having you killed before you learned even more. I made him promise to wait until Monday. This weekend was supposed to be my big chance. I thought if I destroyed all your computer stuff and got you into hiding this weekend, maybe I could convince him to leave you alone."

At that Thor turned to him. "Did you really think he'd let me live, knowing that I'd just get another computer and start over?"

"I had no idea what he was hiding! All I thought you were going to find was records of some blackmail. I thought maybe if you got tipped off to something else, something bigger, you'd turn to that and leave us alone."

"You were going to use me to take down a rival?"

"If it saved your life? Yes."

"I need to think." Thor went to the window, took a seat. He sat with his back to Loki and watched the scenery go by.


	18. Chapter 18

Loki stayed on the sofa for an hour, watching Thor's back. Guilt and pain and sadness churned in his heart, all of it made bearable by one thing alone: Thor had chosen to run with Loki. Thor was heartbroken and furious and horrified, and that laugh he'd given when Loki had asked _are we okay_ still battered at his eardrums, but... they were here together.

He rose and sat at the table opposite Thor. "I know we're not okay right now," he said. "But do you think we will be one day?"

Thor met his eyes and held them. "One day. But it won't be the same. It can't be."

"I know. I understand. Is it okay if I sit here with you?"

Thor shrugged. "You paid for it."

"That's not what I meant."

There was a long pause. "Yeah. It's okay."

 

The view out the window alternated between breathtaking beauty and heartrending poverty. At one point the train went right through the middle of a slum, down a road so narrow they could have reached out and brushed their fingers along the sides of the buildings. At another, they went right past a crystal-clear lake, the cloud-shrouded mountains rising up in the distance, and on an island was a ruin so perfect it belonged in a fairy tale rather than real life. And then there were the picturesque villages with children waving at the train while in the yards, ducks and geese flapped about at the noise.

They didn't talk much over dinner, but the quiet wasn't so loud as it had been between them.

Thor gave an exaggerated yawn as they returned to their car. "I know it's only eight, but I'm exhausted."

"It's six in the morning in Chicago," Loki offered.

"Yeah. I'm going to turn in."

Neither had packed clothes for sleeping, so they stripped to their underwear. Loki felt strangely shy as he undressed, even though Thor had his back turned.

"Goodnight, Thor," he whispered. He knew better than to expect a reply, but he got one all the same.

 

The train creaked at every bend and turn in the tracks. It hadn't been too bad while they were on long, straight shots, but right about the time they were trying to fall asleep, they began to climb into the mountains. It felt good to lie down, but Loki barely slept more than twenty minutes all night. In the morning they took turns washing as best they could in the sink. His hair looked awful and felt worse, but there wasn't much he could do about that.

Not long after breakfast they reached Nanning. The direct trains to Hanoi only ran twice a week, but the connection was well-timed, and there was a flood of other people making the same transfer to guide them. What had promised to be a twelve-hour ride through semi-tropical mountains and coastal vistas turned out to be a twelve-hour ride broken by four hours at the border, where everyone had to get off the train and go through customs while the cars were put onto the new carriages needed to fit the different gauge of the Vietnamese tracks.

"I don't think I can face any more travel right now," Thor said as their train finally screeched its way into Hanoi.

Loki shook his head. "Me, either. And we bought those tickets with cash, we should be harder to track now."

"Hotel?"

"God, yes," Loki groaned. "A shower."

That actually got him a smile. "Yeah. I always feel grimy after a trip."

A few people who had gotten off with them were sitting down and pulling out their phones. "Do you think the station has wifi?" Thor asked.

"Worth a try," Loki said.

It did. "Business hotels are usually pretty good about taking foreign currency," Loki said as Thor began to look for hotels. Thor added _business_ to his search and not twenty minutes later there was a car pulling up to collect them.

The driver got out and opened the doors for them. "No luggage?" he asked.

"The airline lost it," Loki said.

"No good. We can take you to a store tomorrow," offered the driver.

Thor smiled at him. "Thank you."

The desk clerk was happy to welcome them despite the late hour, happy to show off her excellent English, and most importantly, happy to be paid in a mix of yuan and dollars.

They were in separate rooms to keep the appearance of business colleagues that they had given their driver. They walked down the hall together, reaching Loki's room first. Thor didn't kiss him goodnight - of course he didn't - but he kind of looked like he wanted to.


	19. Chapter 19

Loki meant to shower that night. He undressed and sat down on the side of the bed to take off his socks, and the next thing he knew it was morning. His exhausted body had somehow pulled itself up onto the mattress, tugged a sheet partway across his hips. He could hardly complain, though. A good night's sleep - and it was good, between the quiet and the comfortable bed and, most of all, that look from Thor - had Loki waking up feeling refreshed, vaguely more optimistic... and even more aware of how much he needed to wash. He was just stepping into his own shower when he heard the squeak of Thor turning his own water on next door. It made him think of that morning only last weekend when they had showered together, both of them laughing as Thor worked more and more lather into his hair until it was standing straight up, golden strands glinting among the bubbles. He hadn't rinsed it out until after he had brought them both off, his fingers so long that a single broad hand was enough for both of them. The memory left him unsure whether to jerk off or cry. In the end he did neither, viciously forcing his mind to focus on the simple pleasure of getting clean.

He was dressed and ready when Thor appeared at his door. "How do you feel about staying another night, and doing some shopping?" he asked.

Loki thought of his only other set of clothes, currently dripping dry from the shower rod. "I feel great about it."

Shopping proved to be a near-complete failure. Thor was the first to pop out of the dressing room in a pair of light slacks that hit him in the upper calf. Loki was next, making Thor laugh when he appeared in a loosely woven shirt that barely hit his elbows and left about three inches of stomach bare.

"You look like you're in an eighties video," Thor said.

"You look like you took the fifties and ran away with their highwaters," Loki answered.

The rest of the expedition went no better. They didn't get an explanation until the third 'tall store,' where the clerk politely explained that the average height of Vietnamese men was 162 centimeters. 'Tall' meant about 178.

"Five-eightish," Thor said when Loki blinked in confusion.

"Well, at least we got more socks and underwear," Loki said.

"That's the most important stuff, anyway," Thor agreed.

"Yeah. The heat is killing me in these clothes, though."

"Mmm," Thor agreed. "Do you want to back to the hotel? I want to do a little sightseeing as long as we're here."

"I'll come with you."

When they got back in the car, they asked the driver to take them to what he thought was the single most important place for visitors to see, if they just had one free afternoon. It turned out to be a fifteen-hundred-year-old pagoda, a Buddhist temple on an island in a small lake. The elegant simplicity of the outer walls belied the lush ornamentation within. The façade was covered in gleaming red lacquer, which in turn seemed plain once they stepped inside.

"Oh, Thor, it's beautiful," Loki said. His voice was hushed; the temple was filled not only with gilded altars covered with statues and fruit and flowers, but with saffron-robed monks and other visitors kneeling in prayer all around.

Someone standing near the door gave them a bow of welcome and handed them a laminated visitor guide in French and English explaining some of what surrounded them. Thor took it and they went to the statue in the center of the room, where the card said to start the tour. He held it out for them to share as they bent their heads over it to read.

The lights were low, mostly an array of flickering candles, but their shine was caught by the gold leaf that covered so much of the woodwork so that the room itself seemed to glow. Quiet chanting and powdery incense hung in the air like whispered promises.

It was a place where it was easy to feel peaceful. Loki wondered if Thor felt the same.

When they left, they stopped at the railing overlooking the lake. A group of ducks paddled their way across the water, beaks grabbing at bugs and algae.Things had been good while they were out shopping, relaxed and easy as they laughed at each other in the too-short clothes. Loki slid his hand along the rail until his pinky was just against Thor's. Maybe, maybe...

Thor looked sad as he moved his hand away. "I'm sorry, Loki. We can't be like that anymore. I don't want to."

The tropical air, already muggy with afternoon heat, turned to lead in his lungs. "I still love you," Loki said.

"I just want to be friends. Please don't make this harder than it has to be," Thor answered. His voice sounded choked.

"You're the one making it hard." A memory flashed through his mind. His father, telling him that his mother was gone. _Love is for fools. There’s no place for it in the lives of people like us,_  he had said when Loki cried. Part of him had always refused to believe it until now.

 

Thor must have spent hours after they parted that night, looking things up and reading, before suggesting Chiang Mai. "There's a big expat community there. We'll blend in," Thor said over breakfast.

Loki took a deep breath. “I’m not going with you. We’ll stay another day and get you set up with a new bank account, and I’ll make sure you have enough to live on until you can go home.” Not an ultimatum, not exactly, but close enough. Finding out the truth about his family's business, the chase through the airport in LA... for sheer horror, they had nothing on this.

“I think we should stay together,” Thor said.

“Why? There’s no reason.” _Give me a reason. Please. Please._

Thor met his eyes and there it was, that look, the one that showed he had been lying back at the temple. “I need to keep you safe.”

Ah, yes. Loki might be love’s fool, but he wasn’t the only one. And what was he good at, if not making people do what he wanted? He let his gaze soften. “Okay.”


	20. Chapter 20

They were picked up by a minibus not long after breakfast and taken to the bus station. It was even hotter inside, the shade helpless to make up for the lack of breeze, and they waited outside until their bus arrived. It was a sleeper bus - Thor had warned him it was nearly a twenty-four hour ride, plus time at customs - and clearly not designed for people of their height. At least the road wasn't nearly as bad as the desk clerk had made it out to be, when she tried to convince them to take a plane. Roadside border crossings just seemed safer, less likely to be tied into a database. Cramped legs and a bunk next to the toilet were a small price to pay for keeping the feeling of safety they had found when they reached Hanoi.

They reached the border in the afternoon. Everyone else got up and filed out, so Thor and Loki rose and followed. The bus drove off the moment it was empty.

“Umm,” Loki said.

“Yeah. I’m glad we got our stuff.”

“I guess we follow everybody?”

They trailed along through a gate at the roadside, waiting in line to approach a little booth. When they got closer, they saw that the guard was stamping everyone’s passports and collecting money. They were the last ones through, and tried very hard not to look like they were looking around the booth for a computer.

The guard looked at their passports. “American? Dollar,” he said, pointing to a sign on the wall behind him.

“I’m glad we didn’t convert everything,” Loki said, digging into his bag.

“I hope he doesn’t think we’re trying to bribe him,” Thor said as Loki pulled out a twenty. “Unless he wants to be bribed.”

He didn’t. He heaved a loud sigh and pulled out a calculator, jabbing at the buttons like they had personally offended him.

“Do you see anyone from the bus?” Loki asked.

Thor rose on tiptoe, trying to see further down the road. “Nope.”

The guard counted out some money and handed it to them along with their stamped-out passports, and they hurried down the road until they saw the red shirt of the woman they’d followed through the line. Longer legs might have been impossible to clothe here, but they did come in handy when trying to avoid being abandoned between border crossings.

They followed the crowd down the road about half a mile, where they reached another gate to stamp in to Laos. The bus driver was sitting and chatting with the border guard when they arrived.

The guard pointed at the sign. _Americans $2_

Loki tried using the money he’d gotten back from the Vietnamese guard, but it was rejected with another gesture towards the sign. “I hope they don’t leave without us,” he said, hunting for another twenty. “Next time we flee the country, remind me to bring some ones.”

The driver did wait for them, and soon the bus was trundling on down the bumpy road. It drove for hours straight, well after dark, and Loki was really glad they’d brought some bottled water but their snacks were long gone, and it was starting to look like the promised meal stop just wasn’t going to happen, when the bus stopped in front of a long squat building and everyone got off again.

"This must be where we get dinner," Thor said.

"How long do you think we have?"

Thor shrugged. "That place has spring rolls, let's get a bag and eat by the bus, to be safe."

They got back well before anyone else, long enough that they'd eaten all their food and finished their bags of fresh sugar cane juice and found themselves standing there, alone, nothing to do. The bus was locked, and anyway, it was too stuffy without a breeze. Loki casually positioned them so that the moonlight caught his face. He looked pretty in the moonlight.

"Did you hear back from your family?" Loki asked.

"I did, yeah. They're scared, but they're okay. My brothers said that mom wanted to come charging after me but they convinced her that it was safer for all of us if they don't know where I am."

Loki smiled. "Your mom sounds great."

"Yeah. So, um, did yours... you know, what you told me before?"

"That was the truth. I tried to tell you the truth, as much as I could." An opening. Maybe Thor would take it.

He didn't. "I'm sorry. You were really young to have to deal with that," Thor said.

"It was a long time ago."

 

Loki woke briefly in the night to find the bus had stopped, but there was no one of whom he could ask questions, so he closed his eyes and stared at the insides of his lids until it started up and the twisting roads lulled him back to sleep. The delay turned out to be long enough that they missed the bus to Bangkok. 

"I'm sorry, we have only one room left," said the desk clerk at the station hotel.

"We'll take it," Loki said before Thor had the chance to decline it. "We're very tired."

Thor said nothing until they were in their room alone. "We could have found another hotel," he said.

"I just want to be done for the day," Loki said imploringly. He didn't give Thor the wide-eyed innocent look that made Thor do whatever he wanted while teasing him - _one day I'll learn to resist that look_ he'd say, and Loki would open his eyes even wider and answer  _but not yet_. If only Thor weren't aware how well it worked on him. It would have been useful right now. "I want to eat and shower and stretch out and just be done. And it's got two beds."

"Fine. Let's go find something to eat," Thor muttered, not looking at him.

They ate at a place recommended by the front desk and, despite what Loki had said, they wandered around the streets for a while. They passed huge reclining stone Buddhas, a temple painted solid gold, a pale yellow building with white eaves, a lingering reminder of French colonization. A week ago they would have been holding hands.

“I’m surprised they didn’t knock all that down, get rid of it,” Loki said.

Thor shrugged. “The history’s still there, whether you can see it or not. Hiding it doesn’t change anything.”

By the time they returned to the hotel they were both dripping sweat.

"You can have the shower first," Loki offered.

"Thanks," Thor said. He went into the bathroom and had the door nearly shut behind him when Loki looked up.

"Thor?"

"Yes?"

"Nothing."

Loki meant to take a quick shower when it was his turn, but the water felt too good to hurry. He closed his eyes and tilted his face up into it, letting it stream down as his thoughts wandered. Thor still loved him. That much was clear, though he tried to hide it. He just needed some encouragement. Love might be for fools, but Thor was Loki's fool, and he wasn't going to let him go. And it would be even better, once Thor gave in. Yes, it would take a lot of work to rebuild the trust, but they could really be together now. The next time they had sex, it wouldn't be Loki __Anderson_ _ Thor was fucking. It would be __Loki._ _

His cock stirred at the thought. It had been complaining of its sudden neglect, but this was the first time he felt like doing something about it.

 _Oh, Loki, I missed this,_ Thor would say, wrapping his hand around it.

 _It missed you too,_ Loki would tell him. _Tell me you forgive me._

Thor would meet his eyes. _Of course I forgive you. You just did what you had to, I can't blame you for that._ And then Thor would sink to his knees and take Loki in his mouth and open him so sweetly, and everything would be all right...

 

He wore a towel around his waist when he went back into the room to get his other clothes. Everything, save the few things he had bought in Hanoi, was soaked with varying amounts of sweat. He dumped all of it into the sink and filled it with water, swirling a blob of shampoo in. It took three rounds of washing for everything to rinse out clean.

He wrung it all out and let the towel fall to the floor before he gathered the wet pile in his arms.

Thor was lying on his bed, reading on his phone. "Jesus, Loki, put some clothes on," he said when he looked up.

"They're all wet. I washed everything and now it has to dry," Loki said, working his way methodically around the room and draping wet clothes over the furniture. He could feel Thor's eyes on him. _'Don't want it anymore,' my pretty perky ass,_ he thought.


	21. Chapter 21

Loki woke before Thor. The sun was just beginning to light the room, creeping around the blinds and peeking through the lacy curtains that hung at their sides. He kicked the blankets off and rolled to his stomach, letting his hair fan out across the pillow just so. He tucked one foot under the other calf and let one hand flop off the side of the bed.

He lay there, watching Thor's hair changing from a lush honey to a sparkling gold as the sun rose higher. He barely even blinked until he heard Thor's breathing get shorter, the way it always did when he was waking up. Loki closed his eyes and made his own breaths go long and even.

He heard Thor's bed creaking as he started to turn over, to face Loki... and it went silent as he froze. Oh, that was good. Loki had thought perhaps he would have to pick a fight, get Thor's blood stirring before turning it to other purposes, but this was better.

After what like forever but was probably no more than three minutes, he let his eyes flutter open. Thor looked away quickly, but not fast enough. Loki knew.

"You still like what you see?" Loki asked softly.

Thor sat up, turning away from him. "You know I do, but it doesn't matter. We can't be the same as we were. Those files, Loki..."

Loki stood up, circled the beds to stand in front of Thor. His cock had thickened slightly when he had felt Thor staring at him, and that too Thor looked at before turning away.

Thor kept his head averted as Loki sank to his knees in front of him. "You keep saying that and I don't understand. I know those things you found were horrible, but I didn't do them, I didn't know about them. And you still love me, I can tell."

"You're gorgeous, Loki. You can get anyone you want."

"Can I?" Loki brought his hand to Thor's cheek, pressed until he was meeting Loki's gaze.

"There's a whole world of other people who would be happy to be with you. All you'd have to do is blink an eye and they'd fall into bed with you. I'd know."

Loki knew it too, and now he also knew it wasn't enough. "Is that really all this is? Sex? Is that all you feel when I do this?" Loki whispered. He leaned up and brought his lips to Thor's, butterfly-light. Thor liked to start that way. Just right for starting again.

Thor didn’t move away, his lips tickling Loki’s as he answered. “No, of course not. But-“

“Then nothing else matters,” Loki said, and deepened it.

He felt the instant Thor’s resolve began to crack, when Thor stopped letting himself be kissed and began to kiss back. Yes, there, there was the fissure in the wall between them, the shattering of loneliness. They would be together again and whatever came next, they would face it together. He rose to his feet and straddled Thor’s lap, still kissing, his weight against him until Thor laid back and Loki rode him down. Thor’s hands came up around his waist, pulling him close.

Thor was wearing a pair of loose-woven boxers, the thin fabric making a teasing barrier between them. Loki rocked his hips, rubbing their erections together. His hair fell in a curtain about their faces, blocking away the rest of the world, all the cares and worries that didn't belong between them.

It was impossible to talk right now. They had both liked playful banter and frenzied whispers, before. But that had been a first fight to end all first fights, and even with all they had been through, they had known each other only three weeks. Loki had no idea what to say, how to sound. Too light and he risked seeming dismissive of Thor's hurt; too serious and he'd just remind Thor of it right when Loki very, very much needed to distract him. A single wrong word now could ruin everything. So he gave his tongue to other use.

Loki waited until Thor let his hands begin to explore before maneuvering them up fully onto the bed. He had _so_ missed being held, hadn't realized until he had it back how deeply he had needed it. But now all that was over, he told himself. He just had to remind Thor how good things could be between them. Thor had lain down on his side, and Loki pulled away his boxers before lying down to face him.

One thing he hadn't brought, in the frenzied haste to get away, was lube, and it had seemed rather impolitic to go shopping for it while Thor was asserting his lack of willingness. There was a little bottle of complimentary conditioner in the shower, but it had an ounce left at most. Not enough, with how long it had been. It was a shame; after all they had faced, he wanted - needed - that closeness, but it would have to wait. Better that this happen easily.

Loki licked a long, slow stripe of wetness onto his palm, making it a good show before reaching down between them. There would be more foreplay next time, he couldn't wait for this anymore, and from the heaviness in Thor's darkened eyes, he couldn't either.

At that, Thor broke the silence. Just a simple _Hah_ as Loki curled his fingers around them both together, but it was enough. "I missed you," Loki said. He rose up to one elbow and leaned forwards to cover Thor with kisses everywhere he could reach as he began slowly moving his hand. He was at Thor's shoulder, just starting to kiss his way down his perfectly bulging arm, when everything _hit_. "I missed you, oh God, I missed you," he said, almost sobbing, almost begging. He last back down and claimed Thor's lips again, feeling the brush of shuddering breath against his skin. There were more sounds after that, but no more words, as Loki brought them off.

Afterwards, Loki relaxed, smiling a little at the ticklish trail of Thor's cum sliding down his belly. He draped his arm across Thor’s waist. “I love you. Tell me you love me?” he asked.

“I love you,” Thor said, staring at the ceiling. He got up and went to the bathroom. Loki laid on the bed and when he heard the shower start he told himself he didn't care.


	22. Chapter 22

By the time Thor finished in the shower they had to rush to the train station with no time for words beyond Loki's _I really don't want to miss this_ and Thor's _no, me either_.

Once they found out that the bus and train stopped at the same border check, is was clear that they would take the train instead, partly for time and partly for a better breeze. They'd now spent nearly a week in the same few over-warm clothes. Moreover, using shampoo as laundry detergent left their clothes feeling brittle and scratchy.

It was a short ride before they were piling off, getting stamped in, and changing to the express train to Bangkok. They ate in the dining car as the sun set over endless rice paddies. By silent agreement they were not talking about anything more serious than the weather or the scenery. It was polite and dull after what had happened that morning, but Loki didn't feel up to a serious conversation in public, and it seemed Thor shared his sentiment.

The sleepers were bunks with curtains, nowhere to lock their things, but none of the Thai people near them seemed to show any concern besides putting a few things next to them in the beds, so they followed suit, Thor falling asleep with one arm hooked through his backpack strap and Loki using his duffel bag as his pillow. In the morning, everything was fine, and they were in Bangkok.

They had half an hour before the next train, enough time to pick up breakfast from a small stand with a long-but-fast line before getting on. "This is good," Loki said, taking a bite.

Thor nodded. "I love coconut," he said.

"I didn't know that. Me, too."

"Dad always makes these gooey coconut cookies with chocolate chips at Christmas," Thor said. "I used to get into the biggest fights with my brothers over those."

Loki laughed. "I don't know if that's better or worse than what I lived with. I was the only one who liked it, so we barely ever had it, but when we'd get a chocolate box I got all the haystacks."

"Well, it's good we both like it, seeing as we live in Thailand now."

"We live here?" Loki said carefully.

"I mean, not forever. But it just seems easier to think of it that way until we know."

"Yeah. I guess you're right. I just hadn't really thought about it before."

They fell into silence, but it was different than before. Easier. How funny, that something so little could make such a change. And there were so many little things in their future. Loki would find them all and they would be happy forever.

 

Unlike the earlier trains they had taken, this one had quite a lot of tourists. Enough tourists, in fact, that when they got off, they were met by a sea of people offering them hotel flyers and special deals. Loki flipped through the first one that was shoved into his hand. The rooms were looked pleasant and airy, the bathroom well stocked with not only shampoo and conditioner but also a dispenser of lotion. How handy. There was also a lush garden, so large it had trails hacked into it. He turned to the back page.

"How much is a thousand baht?" he asked.

"Twenty-eight dollars," answered the woman who had given it to him. "I can have a car here in five minutes."

"It looks nice," Thor agreed, looking at the pictures.

She made a call and escorted them outside, where she waited with them until the car arrived.

"Hello. We need a room for two weeks," Thor told the clerk.

He nodded. "Would you like two queen beds or one king bed?"

"One king," Loki said. He took Thor's hand and Thor didn't let go.

 

"Why two weeks?" Loki asked once they were alone.

"It gives us time to figure things out, see what's going on back home and maybe find an apartment here," Thor said.

"Mmm. You want to get some dinner and then check the news?"

"Yeah. We should also figure out what we're doing tomorrow."

The concierge had a ready suggestion when they asked where to dine. The ambiance of the restaurant made them both relax. From the low lighting and the red roses on every table, it was clear that they must have looked more like a couple on a romantic getaway than like two people with something to hide. Their trail was as well hidden as they could figure how to do, but still, it felt good to know that their cover was working.

The wine was cold and full of crisp fruit notes, the perfect compliment to the spicy curries that followed their shared salad of shredded green papaya.

"There's a lot of western stores at the airport," Thor said. "Right now I could kill for some clothes better suited to this climate."

"God, yes," Loki agreed. "We should get local phones, too."

"Let's wait. They require ID, and I'd rather not use our real ones."

"So you're..."

"We can get good fakes on the dark web. We should pick the names we want to use, and once we have our new passports we can get phones and an apartment and stuff."

" _You_ know where to get fake passports?" Loki said. A teasing smile danced across his face.

"I do. In fact, I'd venture a guess that I'm at least as familiar with the dark web as you, probably more."

"Ooo, that sounds like a dare, mister."

"Maybe," Thor said, the corners of his lips quirking up.

"I'll be Luca Dahl."

"That was a quick decision."

Loki shrugged. "Luca sounds similar enough that it'll be easy to get used to, and I always liked Roald Dahl."

"Enough that your family would be looking for him as a fake name?" Thor asked.

"They didn't notice me enough to know that, not until I got old enough to be useful," Loki said with a snort. "None of them but my mom."

"I'm sorry," Thor said.

Loki shrugged. "You get used to anything, I guess. Now what's your name going to be?"

"Theo... Lovelace, I think. Theo should be an easy adjustment, like Luca. And Ada Lovelace wrote the first computer program," Thor said.

Loki frowned. "How well did you know Angrboda at college? Would she be looking for that name?"

" _Shit_. Yeah, probably. I'll be Theo... Harris. It's common but not so common it sounds fake, like Smith."

The check came, and Loki put down some money. "Well," he said, "shall we go?"


	23. Chapter 23

It was easier this time. Though things were not back to how they had been before, after that last morning in the hotel in Vientiane, they were on their way. Loki didn't talk about it, of course - didn't even acknowledge it beyond that twist of fingers as they booked this room - but they were. He knew Thor expected him to. He had even dropped a few hints for Loki to pick up, but Loki smoothly avoided them. He was a good talker, after all, and part of that meant knowing when not to talk.

It turned out, when they got back to their room, that the concierge was not the only one who had made assumptions about them. They walked in to find their windows open to the evening breeze and a scattering of orchids across the pillows.

"Those are pretty," Loki said.

"Yeah."

Loki set his bag down. He had taken out the things that he felt safe leaving behind, and now it was mostly empty space, far too large. He'd get a smaller bag tomorrow, a little day backpack like he'd seen other tourists carrying around. As long as they were going to the airport, something like that should be easy to find. Something big enough for a dwindling stack of cash, his wallet and passport, and Hans. Anything else he could replace.

"Are there English bookstores here?" Loki asked.

Thor nodded. "Several. That was something I looked for, when I was searching for where to go."

"Thanks. I'm so tired of reading on my phone."

"Of course. Loki-"

Loki put his fingers to Thor’s lips. "Ssssh. Don't say it. Today was good. Let's let it be good."

"There are things we have to talk about. We're kind of stable now, we can't put things off forever."

"Then just until tomorrow. Remember how all our days before were good? I need one of those. Tonight, let's just pretend. Nothing but vacation, romance..." Loki picked up one of the blossoms from the bed and tucked it into Thor's hair. "There," he said, smiling. "Now you look like you're on vacation."

"Loki..."

"I want you so much," Loki whispered, and that did it, they were kissing and he didn't even know who started it this time, Loki had already brought the fancy bottle of lotion from the bathroom to sit on the low table next to the bed and Thor was pressing it into his hand and whispering back, just as desperate.

“Make me forget," Thor said.

Thor tugged impatiently at Loki’s clothes until Loki set down the bottle and let himself be pushed this way and that as Thor undressed him before doing the same to Thor. They tumbled into the bed, kicking the sheets out of the way as hands and lips went everywhere. Loki bit gently at Thor's soft pale nipples until they were taut and reddened. He kneed Thor's legs apart and slicked his fingers.

 _Oh,_ Thor felt so tight, his body had forgotten the feel of Loki inside of it, even a single finger was enough for Thor to make a sound in his throat as it slid in. He pumped it gently, adding more lotion with every few passes, getting him wet and ready. He had just added a second, bullying his way through the resistance to get it in, when Thor pulled his face down for heady, devouring kisses.

"Please, just do it," Thor said. It sounded more like _get it over_ _with_ but Loki wasn't going to argue. Whatever strange mood Thor had gotten himself into, Loki couldn't risk him changing his mind, not when this was for the good of them both. And he'd been fucked before when he wasn't fully prepared; it hurt at first but it had eased enough by the end that he still came. It wasn't like Thor wouldn't find pleasure in it eventually. And most of all, Thor was pulling Loki on top of him and saying _please_ and that was impossible to resist.

It was almost too tight, even with what had seemed until right this second to be an almost ridiculous amount of lotion. Thor was gritting his teeth and squeezing his eyes as Loki pushed in little by little despite Thor's body clenching own against him. "Easy, easy," he said, petting Thor's hip. "Try to relax."

Thor nodded and took a long, deep breath. It didn't help much, but Loki would take what he could get, and he kept pushing until he was all the way in, their hips flush together. He reached between them to find that Thor had gone soft. That had never happened before between them, but based on his other experiences, it wasn't uncommon, especially when the penetration was so difficult. He had it hard again soon enough, nimble fingers coaxing it awake until it was throbbing and leaking in his hand. They both held still as he did it, but Thor was clenching down on him each time he did something particularly good, and it had gotten him far closer than he wanted to be.

Loki pulled out, giving himself a minute to calm down before pushing back in. It wasn't quite so difficult a second time, and by the time he bottomed out Thor was panting from something other than pain. He slid back and in, back and in, slow, slow, until Thor wrapped his legs high around Loki's waist and began moving with him, rocking up to meet each careful thrust. That was when they began to speed up, Loki balanced above him on one hand so the other could keep stroking Thor's cock.

Thor came with a startled cry, the bursts of heat abrupt on Loki's skin. Loki fucked faster, the contractions of Thor's passage around him dizzying. Filling Thor felt triumphant. Each pulse of cum was a mark, claiming him. _Mine, still, mine._

Thor got up mere moments after Loki pulled out, a thin dribble of spend trickling after.

"Shower?" Loki asked. At Thor's nod, he added, "can I come too?"

Thor hesitated before answering.

"You took everything I've ever known. All I have left is you," Loki said lowly.

"You can come," Thor said.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're not subscribed, you may have missed yesterday's chapter - for at least part of the day it appeared near the beginning of the posts from the 20th, even though it was dated the 21st. This one will make more sense after that one. :)
> 
> -And now it doesn't show up at all. I guess it's become a subscriber exclusive? :(

The pillow, it turned out, was only the start of the attentions given their room while they were at dinner.

"A quick shower to wash off the sweat, and then get in? It seems a shame to waste it," Loki suggested.

Thor nodded, still looking at the tub. Most of the bubbles had dissolved, but the surface of the water was covered in floating orchids as well as, less practically, floating candles. A small box of matches sat on the broad rim. Thor started the water in the shower stall while Loki lit the candles.

Their shared shower was... well, it weird. Thor didn't say anything, just washed off efficiently, but he had the air of someone _thinking_ really hard. The bath was even stranger, though.

They got out of the stall and Loki filled the sink to move the candles while Thor disappeared back into the bedroom, returning with the lotion. Thor actually held his hand as he stepped into the tub, making sure he didn't slip, before following him in. Loki looked at him curiously. He had a determined look on his face, his jaw set and his eyes resolved. It explained nothing, and Loki didn’t ask. 

Thor stepped in after him, sitting down with his back to the tap. Loki sank into the water, watching the line rise towards the rim of the tub. The overflow drain gurgled as he sat slowly to avoid overflowing it and knocking water onto the floor. When he was seated, he stretched his legs out, fitting them around either side of Thor’s waist.

“This is nice,” Loki offered.

“It is,” Thor agreed. He pulled one of Loki’s feet into his lap and began rubbing it with his broad thumbs. That was even nicer, and Loki decided that he’d deal with wondering _what the hell was going on_ later, and just enjoy this. Thor rubbed out all the aches he didn’t even know he had, working over the sole of his foot, over the delicate bones in the top, and up his ankles. When he finally released it to take up the other, the completed foot felt like it could melt into the water.

It was about when Thor got to the sensitive arch that Loki noticed his cock beginning to stir again, reacting as it always did to Thor’s touch. It bobbed in the slight currents made by Thor’s motions, thickening in lazy pleasure. When Thor finished the second foot, he drew his legs back to kneel before him.

“I didn’t know how much I needed that. Thank you,” he said.

Thor kissed him. _Thor_ kissed _him_ and then his hands were on Loki’s waist as he said, “turn around, baby. Hands and knees.”

Loki reminded himself _wonder later_ and did as he was told, the surface of the water just skimming his stomach and his neck arched back. All the tenderness Thor had refused for himself he seemed determined to shower upon Loki. When Thor touched him it was with what felt like reverence, his fingers kneading the globes of Loki’s ass, softening the muscles there just as he had done with Loki’s feet, before he gently parted them.

His tongue felt even better than Loki remembered, which was saying something. He licked so softly, his tongue making delicate flutters against his hole and drawing dainty circles around it. He rose up, his cock buried between Loki's cheeks as he moved above him and kissed his way back down, pressing his lips to every knob of his spine until he was back where he started, not working inside until well after Loki was grinding desperately back against him. Loki cried out when he finally licked inside, his tongue thick and slippery.

Thor made an appreciative noise deep in his throat. The vibrations shook right into Loki and his limbs started feeling shaky and the surface of the water suddenly seemed awfully close to his face.

"Thor, I don't know if I can hold myself up if you keep doing that," he said.

"Don't worry. I won't let anything happen to you," Thor told him.

Fingers followed his tongue, long and searching as they slid inside, and Loki was shaking, babbling half-words until Thor finally withdrew them and sat up on his knees. He teased, then, pressing the head halfway in and then pulling back, drawing circles with it, curling his hips like he was going to push in and then slipping away at the last second. He kept going until Loki began to whimper frustrated and needy and empty, until Thor finally brought one hand on Loki's hip as he guided his cock inside with the other, refusing to let him push back and take it any more quickly than the maddeningly slow pace that he had set.

When it was fully in, Thor held Loki against him as he sank back onto his ankles, pulling Loki into his lap. They moved together, rocking gently, as Loki twisted around to meet Thor's lips with his own. It was long and sweet and slow, and even after they came they stayed together until Thor's softening cock slipped its way free.

Thor held Loki's hand again when they got out, and then he proceeded to wrap him in a huge fluffy towel and dry him off carefully. "Sit down," he said when he was nearly done. Loki sat on the side of the tub and Thor knelt to dry his feet, even between his toes. Thor left him sitting there while he dried himself brusquely before picking Loki up and carrying him to bed.

The whole thing was surreal enough Loki would have pinched himself if only Thor's eyes left him for a single moment. Whatever had gotten into Thor's head... he couldn't even begin to guess what it was, but at least for now, he'd take it.


	25. Chapter 25

Thor got into bed next to him, sitting against the headboard. He woke his laptop and set it on his thighs before wrapping his arm around Loki's shoulders. They stayed like that as Thor hunted through first the Chicago news sites and then, in desperation, the FBI's.

"What's taking them so long?" he asked.

Loki had slowly moved closer while Thor was focused on the computer, so that he was nestled against Thor's side. "They have to investigate. They can't just assume that the stuff you mailed them was legit. Can you imagine if they acted on those things without getting some confirmation? They'd be so tied up in lawsuits they'd never get anything done."

"But they're losing time! Everyone has to have gotten away by now. They might have stopped working for now but they'll just change cities and start over."

"You have to let them do their jobs. Hill is really good. Just hold on a little while longer."

Thor sighed. "You're probably right. I worked so hard on this, _I_ know my evidence is solid, but I understand she needs to check it out."

"She's probably got people tailing my dad and a few other top people. But you're exhausted and stressing out about something you can't change. Come on, let's go to sleep."

Thor looked tired so suddenly, like he needed the reminder to make him realize it. "Yeah, we should," he sighed, closing his laptop. He set it aside and laid down facing Loki. Loki could just make out his face in the fading light. "Sleep well," Loki said, and gave him a kiss.

 

Loki found himself no more inclined to ask questions the next day. Thor was again showering him with affection, and he wanted to wallow in it. If Loki kept catching him out of the corner of his eye looking troubled, that was easy enough to understand. He had worked so hard on cracking into Farbauti's files, it was natural for him to be anxious for resolution. And anyway, it felt too good to simply be out together trying on clothes that fit and fitted the climate and weren't stiff from hand-washing.

"This would look good on you, baby," Thor said, picking a shirt up from a folded pile and shaking it out.

"I like Celtic art," Loki agreed.

"Actually, I think it's Viking. Viking art for my baby Dahl."

Loki groaned. "Are you going to make me regret my choice?" Thor had taken care of their passports that morning, sending in photos and all their new information, along with enough bitcoin to cover it. It was, quite literally, a single hour too late to change his mind.

"Only a little, maybe," Thor said with a wink.

Thor had taken them to the shopping center at the airport. "I know it's weird to go shopping at the airport, but there's a lot of western stores there, so I thought we might have better luck finding things to fit us. And it's air conditioned," he'd explained.

He was right about the clothing selection; most things were too short here, too, but _most_ is much better than _all_ and by the time they left the third store Loki had three more shirts and a pair of black linen slacks that were light enough that when he tried them on, the brisk A/C actually made him feel chilly. Thor's slight edge in height was just enough that he couldn't find any pants, but he seemed happy enough to have a few more shirts, even if they did tend to ride up his stomach when he moved.

Loki had no complaints. "I like how it does that," he said, as Thor tugged at the bottom of one while studying his reflection.

Thor laughed. "Okay, then. I'll get it."

"Anywhere else you want to go?" Loki asked as they walked past a bunch of souvenir stores.

Thor flushed. "I know this is ridiculous, being somewhere with really good food," he said, "but would you mind going to Pizza Hut for lunch?"

"It's not ridiculous to want something familiar. Even if it is crap," Loki said.

"I know it's crap! But I still kind of want it."

"We'll go."

They took a seat and after looking at the options, agreed on plain cheese.

"Do you think this is how Thai people like their pizza?" Thor whispered after swallowing his first bite.

Loki looked around them at a sea of white faces. "No, not really. I'll make you one once we have an apartment, if you want."

Thor's eyes sparkled. "Thanks. I'd like that."

They went back to the hotel to drop off their bags. "I found a walking tour of the city that looks fun, but it's long enough we should probably save it for tomorrow," Thor said.

"Let's stay here and put our new swim trunks to use."

"Perfect."

They somehow had the pool to themselves for hours, and they passed it in races, horsewrestling, and a couple long games of Marco Polo. They stayed until a bunch of families showed up and the shrieks of children disrupted the atmosphere.

 

Thor checked his email before they went to bed, and his face grew pensive once again.

"Hey. Don't worry," Loki said, touching his shoulder.

Thor sighed. "I know. I just wish I could talk to my family. My mom's so upset, I want to tell her everything's okay."

"You will."

 


	26. Chapter 26

The next morning they got up and had their first ride in a tuk-tuk, the little open cab perfect for catching the breezes and for seeing all around them, and got dropped off at the nearest corner of the old city. It had been built in a square, surrounded by a moat and a wall to defend against attacks by the Burmese, and parts of them still remained. The walk Thor had found took in parts of the defenses as well as what seemed like a thousand sights within.

The first thing they went to see was the early collection of alms, when the Buddhist monks in bright orange robes wandered through the center of town before returning to the temples to spend their days in prayer and study. Thor and Loki had bought more coconut rice balls for breakfast, and they each gave one as a monk went by. He gave them a solemn bow in return. The rest they ate themselves as they wandered through the narrow streets.

"This is the... twentieth temple today?" Loki guessed as they stopped at yet another spot on their list.

"Not quite, but close. They're all so different though, I like them all. Are you bored?" Thor asked.

"No," Loki said. He smiled at Thor and Thor took his hand.

When they left that temple, Thor stood on the top step, looking around. "The rest of the list is night life," he said. "What would you like to do now?"

"You said there were bookstores?"

"Yeah. I have a couple addresses written down..."

The second person they stopped was able to give them directions. It wasn't far, which was good, as the day was proving hot. Loki, with his new pants, didn't mind so much, but Thor's jeans were clinging to him with sweat. Which Loki didn't mind either, except he knew it had to feel awful. It made the seamstress' shop - "We make clothes in one day" - even more welcome when they noticed it on their way to get books.

It was a simple matter of getting measured, pointing at cloth they liked, and handing over money and the address of their hotel. "We will deliver tomorrow," the assistant told them happily. She was already gathering up the bolts of cloth to carry to the workshop when they left.

The bookstore was secondhand, which basically meant picking through whatever tourists didn't want to carry home. It wasn't the best selection, but it beat reading on phone screens, so they each picked a few to be tossed in Loki's new little backpack.

As they left, Loki raised his hand to hail another tuk-tuk, but Thor caught it and lowered it. "I want to go in there," he said, pointing to the pharmacy across the street.

No one working there spoke English, but when Thor pointed at Loki's face, the cashier popped out from behind the counter and led them down tidy aisles.

"What?" Loki hissed. "What's with my face?"

Thor turned back to him, laughing. "I guess the light in our bathroom is pretty bad, but still, you can't feel it? Doesn't it feel hot?"

Now that Thor mentioned it, his face did feel rather warm. He stood patiently while the girl pored over some labels before putting two into Thor's hand with a friendly smile. Back at the register, she pointed at one bottle and then at a parasol that hung from the ceiling. Sunscreen. They nodded in understanding. The other bottle she had to think a minute to explain, finally pointing to the current date on the calendar and holding up two fingers, then pointing at the next day and the next, each time with four fingers.

"Oh! Four times a day, but two times today since it's already afternoon. That must be for the burn."

She smiled again in recognition of his understanding, and rang them up.

The moment they got back to their room, Loki made a beeline for the bathroom. It had better light in the afternoon, and he saw now how red he was. His pained groan had Thor laughing from the bedroom.

"I can't believe you let me go out in public like this," Loki yelled.

Thor loomed in the doorway. "You still look good. You just look like a lobster now, too," he said.

Loki groaned again.

"Hey, I'm sorry. It's mostly when the light hits it that it shows," Thor offered.

"You mean like daytime."

"Here, put your cream on and we'll go read outside in the shade. It'll be better tomorrow."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...and speaking of tomorrow, this won't get an update. I will, however, have one or two little things for Christmas. :)
> 
> I decided not to go into detail with the walking tour, but if you'd like to see pictures of the places they visited, the guide is [here](http://www.bigboytravel.com/asia/thailand/chiangmai/freewalkingtour/).


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're not familiar with the term 'kathoey,' as I wasn't until working on this chapter, [here's a useful link](http://www.konbini.com/en/inspiration/thai-kathoey-ladyboys/). Please note that page uses a term considered derogatory in English, though it is not generally viewed that way in Thailand.

Mojitos. The place had mojitos with every tropical fruit they could think of and a few new ones. Soursop, jackfruit, pineapple, mango, rambutan. They even had a durian mojito, though the menu noted that it was only to be served in the outdoor seating area. And they were too big to try them all, this first time. It didn't help that it was the third bar they'd visited that night. The first two were uncomfortable, filled with retirement-age expats overdrinking and barely-legal kathoeys concealing their distaste as they flirted, trying to earn their money in one of the few avenues open to them.

"I don't like this," Loki had muttered over his too-sweet cocktail.

"Me either," Thor agreed. "And it's not the sex work. I think people should be able to choose what they do. But... I want it to be a real choice, not something done from lack of choices."

Loki nodded. They finished their drinks quickly and left, only to find the second place was no better. The third, though. It had more age variety and a mix of Thais and expats all seeming to enjoy themselves. Plus it had heavenly mojitos.

They were on their fourth round when they worked up the nerve to go outside and order the durian.

"How do I look?" Loki asked, touching his face gingerly.

"Perfect," Thor said. There were tiny lights hanging over the patio and he looked like he had actual stars in his eyes.

"No, I mean my burn," Loki said.

Thor shrugged. "It doesn't really show. You just look a little darker."

"Okay."

The cocktails arrived, and they learned - quickly - that it was best to drink them while holding their breath. "It actually tastes good when you can't smell it," Loki said, surprised.

Thor laughed. "Why'd you get it, if you thought it was going to be awful?"

"Curiosity."

"Curiosity killed the cat."

"Lucky I'm a man, then." Loki reached under the table and found Thor's hand, drew it back into his lap. Thor's fingers tensed, caressing his cock through the soft linen that covered it.

The sex, when they got back to the hotel, was gentle and soft.

 

Their days took on a lazy familiarity after that. They returned to some of the temples for second or even third visits, finding that the first visit had been so overwhelming with beauty that they'd been scarcely able to appreciate the details. They found restaurants that made _good_ versions of their favorite foods from back home. They wandered the trails of the hotel's sprawling garden.

Few guests seemed much interested in exploring the grounds; the ones who were there for tourism were too busy seeing the sights, the ones there for relaxation were at bars or the pool. The garden alone was over an acre, and the plants grew high and thick enough that once they started down a trail it only took a single turn before they were invisible to those outside. Totally alone.

"Let's do it in here," Loki suggested one afternoon as they neared the center of the tangled maze.

"No lube," Thor said.

Loki snorted. "Like that stopped you before. We have mouths. I'll do you first." He sank to his knees in the middle of the path and opened Thor's fly. He was already half hard at Loki's words. He came with almost surprising quickness, and was kneeling before he even had his clothes done back up.

 

On their eighth day, their new passports arrived.

"New phones?" Thor suggested.

"Let's go," Loki said. They hadn't spent a moment apart since they'd left Chicago together, and it couldn't last. Both knew that they needed personal time, and neither was willing to risk separation until the other one could be reached with the push of a button.

There was a moment of concealed panic when the clerk took their passports to enter the numbers into his computer, but everything went smoothly. They picked the same phone, Thor's in silver, Loki's in black.

"Now we can start apartment hunting, too," Loki said as they left the store.

"Actually, I thought maybe we should go to one of the expat club's meetings first. Meet some people, get recommendations."

Loki hummed in noncommittal agreement. The idea of spending time with people who grouped themselves entirely based on the fact that they had been born elsewhere was lacking. Thor was right, though. It would be easier than figuring things out on their own, which meant more time for sex. The more they did it, it seemed, the less frequently Thor got that strange look on his face. Loki would have asked about it if he had to, but as long as sex was doing the job, it was considerably more pleasant.


	28. Chapter 28

It wasn't as bad as he'd thought it might be. The general meeting, which was what they attended, seemed mostly like a way for new arrivals to receive a general welcome, followed by the different interest groups introducing themselves and describing the types of activities they did.

The third one actually sounded interesting, Loki thought. "Hi everyone, I'm May, and I'm the current coordinator of the film interest group," said the graying woman in purple standing near the front of the room. "We get together every two weeks to watch a film and follow it with an hour or so of discussion. Our conversations are fairly serious, but there's also a movie group, for those who prefer something more casual, and a lot of people do both. Please come see me after the meeting if you're interested, we are always glad to get new voices added to the group."

Loki nudged Thor's knee under the table, and Thor nodded his agreement. Thor's turn came with the seventh group, the outdoors group, which took monthly trips to the national park an hour outside town. Loki smiled and nodded in turn. Hikes and whitewater rapids really didn't sound fun, but he could do it. And Thor had looked happy the moment he heard the word _outdoors_.

When the meeting was adjourned, Loki found May while Thor went to talk about reserving two spots for the next park trip. He realized, when he got up close, that her almond eyes were actually _lilac_ behind her glasses, a shade he'd never seen before. He waited quietly while she spoke to another new person.

"Hi, I'm Luca," he said, holding out his hand. He and Thor had practiced it in their hotel for a whole hour the night before, but it barely made a dent in the strangeness of introducing himself by another name. "My partner and I just got here last week."

"Welcome," she said, giving his hand a solid shake. "What part of town did you move to?"

"We're still in a hotel at the moment, just starting looking for places to stay."

"Oh, you need to talk to Derrick. Derrick!" she called, waving at a lanky man in plaid. "He keeps a list of good rentals."

While Derrick made his way across the crowded room, she told him more about the other members of the interest group, the next film - 8 ½, one they'd watched twice before but never seemed to finish discussing - and gave him a card with the address of their screening room.

Thor came over while Loki and Derrick were talking. "Derrick, this is my partner, Theo," Loki said. "Theo, Derrick gave me some stuff on finding an apartment."

"A pleasure to meet you. Thanks for the help," Thor said, shaking his hand.

"Glad to help. Do let me know if there's anything else."

"We should probably set up a local bank account," Loki said.

"I use Bank of Thailand, myself. Never had any problems, and the branch on Bumrung Biri is used to working with foreigners."

"Perfect. Thank you so much," Thor said. He glanced over his shoulder as he heard Derrick's name being called.

"Not at all. Please excuse me, I think there's more flat seekers over there."

"The bank is on the way back to the hotel," Thor said.

"Yeah, let's go. Then we can start working through that list."

Setting up the shared account was slower but easier than they had expected, and by the time they left it had a very healthy balance, courtesy of a transfer from Loki's Swiss account. Lunch was a series of things on sticks purchased from carts at the roadside, selected entirely for convenience since they couldn't ask what was what. Loki's burn was feeling better and they were finally dressed comfortably for the weather and the breeze was sweet with flowers and things were actually working out.

They went back to the hotel to look up addresses off Derrick's list. Thor wanted to live near the west side of the city, facing the mountains, and Loki had no objection. The fourth place they looked up was almost exactly where Thor had pointed out on the map as his ideal spot. It cost a little more than most of the places on the list, but still a small fraction of what they had paid in Chicago.

"It's perfect," Thor said. He leaned over and gave Loki a kiss.

"It's perfect if there's a vacancy," Loki corrected, but he was smiling as he said it.

Thor called the listed number and found out that there was one available flat. He made an appointment to see it at four. "We should leave in about an hour. I need to check my email," Thor said.

Loki kicked his shoes off and climbed into bed to read. He ignored the clacking of Thor's keyboard until he heard the laptop slap shut. "We should go," Thor said brusquely.

"What's wrong?" Loki asked.

Thor sighed and looked away. "My family. They're so worried. I still can't tell them anything. I just want my mom to not have to worry anymore."

"We just have to be patient. And think how proud they'll be once they learned what you did. That'll be good, right?"

"Yeah, I guess."

Loki reached for Thor's hand. Thor pulled away and put it in his pocket.

 


	29. Chapter 29

The apartment was lovely, exactly what Thor wanted. It was on the fourth floor, and there were no tall buildings west of them, so the bedroom window had a perfect view of the mountains rising in the distance. Below their balcony was a half-tended garden, rampant with color and sending wafts of fragrance right inside. It came furnished; all they needed to buy were linens and food and it was ready to move in. They pretended everything was fine as they met the landlord, asked their questions and answered hers, signed the papers and paid right then.

"You can't keep doing this to me," Loki said the moment they were alone.

"I know, and I'm sorry. I'm just worried about my family. My poor mom..."

"I can't say I understand, with my own family being what they are, but you can talk to me instead of shoving me away. I really am here for you. We need to be here for each other."

Thor sighed. "You're right. I'll be better once we move in here, I promise. I think I need to feel more stable. We'll do our shopping tomorrow and be out of the hotel a day early, and it'll be better, okay?"

"Okay," Loki said, trying not to sound hesitant. Thor heard it all the same, and caught his chin in his broad hand.

"I'm doing my best, baby. Really I am."

That made Loki smile. "Okay."

 

The next day was another flurry of shopping. They agreed on plain white cotton sheets, the thread count so high they felt halfway to satin. They chose a very light duvet, and with difficulty narrowed their cover selections down to three: a dark blue embroidered with elephants, another that was solid red at the center and silver and gold woven into the sides, ribbonlike, and a third in a purple and green abstract pattern.

"Should we get all three? I don't know about you, but I'm more likely to keep up with laundry if there's something else nice to put on when we strip the bed," Thor said, slipping his hand into Loki's.

"Whatever it takes. We'll get ten if that helps," Loki said playfully.

They also got another computer so they wouldn't constantly be passing Thor's back and forth, and to hook up to the huge television set in the living room. That gave Loki a pang of irrational doubt; he knew that if Thor was doing anything he didn't know about, he had the skills to hide it. All the same, he couldn't help feeling reluctant at giving up his only chance to look at Thor's computer, see _something_ that was happening on it. He stifled the emotion. _We're doing our best, both of us_ he scolded himself.

They took everything back to their new place and put the linens in to wash while Thor got the computer configured and hooked up to the tv set. They'd have to ask about getting internet service; until then, it was a token effort, but it felt good to be making progress all the same. And that English bookstore did have a few DVD's. They'd go back soon.

 

Their last night in the hotel was better than the first. The staff had again adorned their bed and bath with orchid flowers, but there was no tension between them this time, no reluctance or tightened jaws or Thor treating himself almost cruelly. It was all softness and gentleness, gilded with play that had been far too lacking.

"Dinner was good, but I'm still hungry," Loki said as they opened the door for perhaps the last time. "I wonder what else there is to fill me up?"

"Are you flirting with me?"

"Maybe," Loki said. "Maybe I just need a little something inside me."

"Well, I was going to offer you something, but it's not little."

"Yeah? And what was that?"

"A big fat sausage."

That was where Loki's composure cracked. "I think you do the worst dirty talk of anyone I've never known," he said.

"Come on, baby. You know you love it."

"Yeah," Loki said. "I do."

Just like he loved how it felt when Thor pressed inside him, the penetration so easy after what felt like hours of careful stretching. Loki was on his side with Thor curled against his back, their hips moving together and Thor's right hand exploring every inch of him. Thor peppered his neck and shoulders with sweet, light kisses. All so soft and gentle. That was all it had been for weeks now, he realized abruptly. Nothing rougher than the scratch of Thor's cheeks between his thighs.

"Harder," Loki said.

"I don't want to hurt you," Thor told him, nuzzling his face into Loki's throat.

Thor had wanted it rough for what felt like ages now, ever since they got here it was all he wanted and Loki gave it to him. And it wasn't that this didn't feel good - it did, it felt amazing - but sometimes Loki wanted something else.

Thor ran his tongue over the shell of Loki's ear. Loki closed his eyes and thought of teeth.

 

Settling in came easily. Even with their new clothes, there was plenty of room on their laps for their bags as they rode through the narrow streets to their new home. When they reached their new front door, Thor set his backpack on the floor and plucked Loki's bags from his arms to pile on top of it. Loki waited, anticipating. Thor pulled the key from his pocket with a flourish and opened the door. Loki started to step forwards when Thor caught him up in his arms and carried him through with a triumphant _whoop_.

"Welcome home, baby Dahl," Thor said.

Loki groaned. "I'm going to be called that forever, aren't I."

Thor winked at him. "Maybe not forever. But for now."

Being able to use google maps made everything a lot easier. They walked to the neighborhood supermarket (strangely enough, a Tesco) without getting lost once.

"I have new appreciation for the pictures on the front of canned food," Loki said as they wandered the aisles.

"Definitely," Thor agreed.

Even with having to look at every can, they were home - _home_ \- in time to fix lunch together.


	30. Chapter 30

Thor liked Loki's cooking. Sure, Loki had cooked for him before, back in Chicago, but that had always been things that he'd thrown together quickly, too eager to get Thor naked to be willing to spare much time for chopping and stirring. Now that they had entire days to fill, he put more care into it. It proved fortunate for them both that the outdoor group was so active. Every Tuesday there was a day-long hike in the National Park, and Thor always went. Loki went on most and chose to stay home for the ones that predicted mud. Thor always came back filthy and it was such fun getting him clean.

The film discussion group was enjoyable, as well. They met on alternate Thursday evenings, and it was a pleasure to discover that while Thor was generally more drawn to large, blockbuster films, that he was also happy to watch small art films and liked talking about them. Often, when the group adjourned, Loki and Thor would carry on the conversation on their way home, and sometimes into the next day.

Whole nights were spent in the night market, holding hands, pointing and talking, buying things to decorate their apartment. Thor stopped being weird after spending time on his computer. Loki could have kept things like this forever, were it not for two things: their families (no prison yet for Loki's, it seemed, and no comfort for Thor's), and sex.

Not that the sex was _bad_. It wasn't. It was good; Thor never failed to get him off with orgasms that left him panting, blinded by stars. It was simply lacking in the variety that he wanted, that they'd enjoyed when they first met. He'd tried to talk about it, but Thor always dodged it somehow, and it turned out to be a lot harder to manipulate someone he cared about.

Of course it came to a head in the middle of a busy sex store because that was just his luck. Loki had plucked a whip off a display. It was thin and supple, made of velvety black suede. Loki gave it a playful slap it against his palm. "This could be fun. Think how pretty I'd look with little pink stripes all over my ass."

Thor barely glanced at it. "I don't want to hurt you," he said. The same thing he'd said every time.

"Jesus, Thor," Loki hissed. "I'm not talking about cuts and bruises. This thing couldn't do that to me if you tried. But I'm not made out of fucking _china_."

"I love you. I don't want to-"

"Don't you dare say it again. You said you loved me our first weekend together and that didn't stop you from playing. Not until we got here, and I am going insane trying to figure out what the hell is going on."

Thor's heart was in his eyes and Loki's own were welling up and there were a lot of people staring at them and he really hated them all and he also really hoped they didn't understand English. "I know what I said, that first weekend. But back then... I didn't even begin to know what love was, that day."

"Oh, so now that you love me more you don't care about giving me what I want? I do _everything_ you ask for. We could have gotten arrested that time when you wanted to be fucked over the balcony railing, but I did it because you wanted it. And you can't even give me the tiniest bit of fun with this." Loki put the whip back on the display with exaggerated care.

"I'm sorry. God, I feel like I'm saying that all the time, but I really am. You're right. If you want that, we'll get it."

"I don't want it if you don't want it too," Loki muttered.

They left the store with nothing and walked home in silence.

When they got there, Thor ripped Loki's clothes off, shoved him against the wall and kissed him with the most perfect brutality.

"No stripes, but you were right. Your ass does look pretty in pink," Thor said later, trailing light fingers over Loki's glowing skin. And that was just the beginning.

 

Theo and Luca became popular members of the expatriate club. Their story - of being real estate investors who hit it big and got out while the getting was good - was accepted easily, and they found themselves growing more and more active. Film appreciation nights became a weekly event; Thor began helping the organizers of the outdoors group as they expanded into more and bigger activities.

And... that was that, really. Thor kept checking the Chicago news, but it was hard to have baited breath for weeks on end, when nothing seemed to be happening. Thor's family eventually went back to their home; they could run their small business from their Indiana hotel for a while, but not forever. They were still concerned about him, but he seemed to have convinced them that he was safe. There wasn't a peep from Loki's family, or anyone in their network, as far as either of them could find. Nor was there anything from the FBI. Thor kept checking, hoping for justice, hoping for his work to make a difference, hoping to go home. But he seemed to have found contentment in their new life. And Loki was glad to be right where they were. They were head over heels in love, they had money enough for several comfortable lifetimes, and they found themselves as happy as two peas in a pod.


	31. Chapter 31

" _What?_ " Loki said, laughing.

Thor shrugged. "I just haven't. I bet there's stuff you haven't tried too."

"Yes, but not something as basic as a butt plug. I got my first one over a decade ago. How old are you again?"

"Same age as you," Thor said.

"We _have_ to get you one. Which one do you like the best?"

Thor was as good as his word that day in the sex shop. They became frequent customers and never left without something new, devoting whole days to experimentation. It had simply never occurred to Loki that something so basic would be a novelty.

"That big neon green zebra stripe," Thor said, pointing.

"It'll light up the room. We won't be able to sleep."

"You want me to sleep with it in?"

"Of course. That's half the fun."

"Then I like that little black one."

"Thought so," Loki said with a fond grin. "It looks like a good one for beginners."

"Hey!"

"Well, you are."

"With _that_ , yeah, but I quite regularly get fucked by something considerably larger."

"You don't have to sleep with my dick in your ass, though."

"That would be impossible," Thor declared grandly.

Thor got the green one, after all.

 

Thor was on the phone for almost an hour that night, checking on the final arrangements for the next day's trip and reminding those members who were more apt to forget their commitments. It was the first event that he had planned entirely on his own, and he was more than a little nervous about it all. Loki listened to the conversations as he made dinner. He had to listen. If he didn't, his mind would wander to the day's purchase, now sitting next to him on the drying rack by the sink. It could just as easily have been washed in the bathroom sink, and he suspected Thor had done this deliberately.

"This smells delicious," Thor said, coming up behind him. He pressed his hips against Loki's ass, letting Loki feel his erection.

"I don't know what you've got that for," Loki teased. "You won't be using it tonight."

"Ornamental purposes," Thor told him.

"Mmmmm. Maybe I'll need something to hold on to."

"Should I be excited, or very excited, by that?"

"Very. But be a good boy and eat your dinner first. You're going to need your energy."

Thor grinned and piled his plate.

 

Loki had picked up a new lube to try out, chosen because it was the one that seemed constantly sold out. He already had Thor on his back naked, his cock gleaming with spit ( _ornamental purposes_ , Loki had snorted just before going down on him until he was moaning) when he tore off the safety seal and popped it open to take a sniff. "Your ass is going to taste like creamsicles," he said.

"I like the sound of that," Thor told him.

It was tempting, but Loki didn't use his mouth until he had Thor stretched into winking, lovely openness. Only then did he lean down and lick right inside, making Thor gasp and arch halfway off the bed chasing Loki's tongue. The lube was nice, vanilla and orange but not so much as to hide the faint taste of pennies that he loved.

"Fuck, baby, that feels-" Thor said.

"Mmm," Loki agreed as he licked his way in deeper.

He kept Thor on his back, hips tilted up on a low pillow, as he took him. It was an easy position for him to come in, the sight of Thor's face doing... well, not _as much_ as the feel of Thor hot and tight around him, but still a lot to get him off. And all teasing aside, it was a big plug to start with, and Loki want to make sure he didn't leave Thor sore before he had to take the garish thing. So once he slid inside, he stilled his hips.

"Oh, Thor, you feel so good inside. All those lovely little muscles, and tight and fluttering for me. Can we see how close you can get me, just with them?"

This was something else new, and Thor clearly liked it. His eyes went even darker, the pupils blown until there was only the thinnest ring of blue. He gave Loki a drunken smile and _squeezed_. It was glorious, so tight, and he held it so long Loki could feel the trembling as the muscles began to fatigue before Thor relaxed. He did it again and again, each time holding as long as he could and each time releasing a little sooner. It wasn't enough to get Loki off, but oh, it was close.

Thor must have liked it, too; when Loki reached for his cock, it twitched and bounced in his hand, leaking a thick stream of slickness perfect for jerking him off as Loki began thrusting. Neither took long, Thor shaking and panting as Loki's held fell til their foreheads were touching as they spilled together.

When Loki pulled out, Thor made the same faint sound of protest as always. Loki leaned down to kiss him and whisper against his lips consolingly. "I know, but you won't be empty long this time. Roll over for me."

Loki's hands were still a little shaky, but he had enough control to get the plug thoroughly slicked as Thor shifted to his hands and knees. Loki pressed between his shoulder blades until he lowered his chest to the bed. "Good. Better angle this way," Loki told him.

He teased it against Thor's slack entrance, drawing little circles before sliding in and out, a little further each time, until they reached the widest part. "That's really big. It didn't look so big in the store," Thor said, sounding uncertain.

"I know, but you can do it. Just push against it for me and it'll be in. And just think, it'll keep all my cum nice and safe inside you until you can absorb it all. Won't that be nicer than being all drippy?"

Thor groaned at Loki's words, and the next time Loki worked it in, it was pulled right out of his grasp. "Fuck," he said. "You took that perfectly. How does it feel?"

"I'm not sure yet," Thor said. He moved gingerly to lie on his side.

"It can be a little much, right after you come. If you don't start liking it soon, you can take it out."

"I _can_?" Thor teased.

Loki stuck his tongue out. "You know what I mean."

"I know. You want me to keep it overnight, though, right?"

"If you can? Oh, I would love it," Loki breathed.

It didn't take long before Thor started to like it. He liked it so much, in fact, that Loki had to suck him off twice before he was exhausted enough to fall asleep.

Thor still had it in when they woke up. He was rubbing the sleep from his eyes while Loki's hand went straight to his ass to check on it. "Good job," Loki said, leaning forward to kiss his nose.

"I'm not entirely sure it was the best idea to try it the night before we go rafting," Thor said.

Loki grinned. "Who said you get to take it out before we go?"

"I am _not_ spending the day sitting on a plastic bench trying to paddle with this thing in. But since you like it so much, I'll keep it until we're done with breakfast. _If_ you promise to make it up to me."

"If you sit on it through breakfast, I'll suck you off afterwards."

"Deal."

Loki followed Thor out of the bedroom, admiring his slight difficulty in walking. Thor stopped in the dining room to open his laptop, bending over to rest his elbows on the table as he woke it up. "I just want to see if I have any messages from the group, and then I'll come help with cooking."

And that was how Loki remembered this moment: Thor bent over the table, his ass high in the air with the end of that ridiculous neon plug that had been so hot just seconds ago still sticking out of him, looking at his email and saying _oh my God._


	32. Chapter 32

"What?" Loki asked, coming up to read over his shoulder. Thor had set up news alerts for Chicago as soon as they had internet in their apartment. It had meant countless wasted hours as he read every article with even a vague promise. Now it had paid off.

**Chicago FBI announces bust of child trafficking ring; press conference at 9 a.m. tomorrow** blared the headline.

"It happened. It worked, it's happening," Thor said. He clicked the link. The article had barely any more information than the headline, simply restating that the bust had happened and that more would be learned the next day.

"It's at eight tonight," Loki said. "We'll be back in plenty of time."

Thor looked at him hollowly. "I have never wanted to do anything less than leave here today. What if there's more news before then?"

"Good news will keep, no matter how hard it is to wait," Loki said gently.

"And it's my trip. I can't miss it. Fuck, I don't want to do this."

"I know, but you're you, so you will."

Thor nodded.

"Why don't you go ahead and shower while I cook?" Loki suggested. He had planned a fun hour or so before they had to leave, but all thought of that had fled.

Thor smiled at him. "Thanks." He disappeared to the bathroom and didn't return until Loki was putting their plates together. They both missed maple syrup, but they'd found coconut syrup at Tesco's that was good on banana pancakes, and it was becoming familiar.

Thor didn't talk as they ate, nor as they got a tuk-tuk to the van rental place. Loki didn't expect him to; there was too much on his mind, and their silences were no longer uncomfortable. By the time they reached the pick-up spot, he had himself at least vaguely pulled together. And once the van was full of exciting, chattering people, it was enough for him to join in occasionally and let Loki cover most of the chatter from the front seat.

It was an hour's drive up a narrow, winding road to reach the rafting company's headquarters. The jungle came right up to the sides of the road, a few tall vines managing to form an airy green canopy. There were abrupt breaks in the dense vegetation, revealing high waterfalls tumbling down jagged red rocks, barely glimpsed before they were gone. Loki, being in front, got to see two monkeys clinging to the trees and watching them curiously.

When they reached the headquarters, everyone piled out of the vans and went inside to lock up their belongings. Wallets, phones, everything ruinable went into the safe provided to them. Then they met their guides, who fitted everyone for life jackets and helmets and showed them a video on river safety.

The drive to their starting point was nearly as long as the drive out of Chiang Mai. Loki held Thor's hand the whole time, trying to look like he was merely excited instead of concerned. He'd give a squeeze and Thor would turn away from the window to smile weakly.

There were four rafts, each one with its own guide. Thor wanted to be in the last one to keep an eye on everything; he was one of only three people in their group to have done whitewater before, and even in the midst of his anxiety, he felt responsible. Malai, their guide, put them on the same bench, with Loki on the left and Thor on the right, in the third row. There was one more pair behind them, and Malai was in the very back, using her paddle as a rudder.

The first part of the river was pretty easy. They had a long stretch with no rapids at all, letting people get used to the equipment and how to move in the slightly restrictive vests. Once that had become familiar, the guides took them through some drills, maneuvers they might be expected to carry out based on that days water level and conditions.

They hit their first rapid perhaps an hour into the trip. It was a small one - Malai called out _two_ , to tell them that this would be an easy one, only one step up in the scale from calm water. There was perhaps a one-foot drop, and a few waves reached as high as the sides of their raft, and a lot of bouncing and even more laughter.

There were three more twos, and then their first three. Before they reached it, Malai had them raise their paddles and float while she gave explicit directions on exactly how it was to be shot, bearing in mind that she might have to make last-minute changes as she surveyed the day's conditions.

"We're going to keep our paddles up as we go over the fall, and as soon as we're over, Mandy and Tom," Malai said, talking to the two people in front of Loki, "you are going to put your paddles in and hold, while the right side paddles as hard as they can, and that'll swing us around past an eddy. Once we've cleared that, we'll be back in calm water and be able to turn ourselves forwards. Okay?"

She waited for everyone to nod their understanding. The fall was heard before it was seen; this drop was close to three feet, and the water below it churned and spun. Loki, who was sitting on Thor's left, got to enjoy it while most of the crew worked, just as he liked. There was a rush of adrenaline as the raft went over and then a dizzying whirl as the back swung around and they were spit out into water so calm it was hard to believe they were in the same river.

They shot one more two before stopping at a beachy area for lunch. The ground was covered in little river-worn gray pebbles, and someone from the company was there waiting with a picnic and plenty of water. Loki and Thor sat with John and Linda, comparing notes on how their guides had handled the larger rapid, and concluding that Malai had given them a more challenging approach.

"I'm glad, though. It was fun," Loki said.

Thor nodded. "Felt good to work my arms that hard," he agreed.

There was an hour planned for lunch, giving everyone some time to digest, before they piled back in the rafts. Next up was a four. The rafts fell farther apart for this one, giving space both for safety and to allow time for the guide in front to radio notes to those who followed. It was the only one of that level they would face today, and everyone listened intently as they received both their initial instructions and then the minor tweaks based on the first raft's report.

It was not only hair-raising, it was body-raising. The loops on the bottom of the raft were put to good use as everyone hooked their feet through. The raft jerked and bumped as the river churned around them. Malai was focused the whole time, her calm voice calling out constant directions of who was to paddle and when. And then it was over and the water was calm, bobbing them gently downstream.

"I can't tell if that lasted forever, or for a single second," someone said.

"One minute, forty-two seconds," Malai answered.

It was followed by another three, which felt almost easy now, and then a pair of twos.

"Another three and then it's smooth floating back to base," Malai announced. "For this one, I just want the front two people on each side paddling, it gets bumpy back here and I want our paddles to stay still. Okay?"

When they reached the white water, the front pairs began paddling as they'd been told, but the raft started to veer to the right. It felt off, and Loki looked over. Sam, who was right in front of Thor, was barely moving, her paddle flopping almost uselessly.

Perhaps if Thor had been at his best, he could have compensated in time. But Thor was far from his best.

"Stop paddling!" Malai called, seeing the problem the same moment Loki did, but it was too late. The raft spun to the right, plowing straight into a rock. It flipped, dumping everyone at once into the river. There was a blind scramble to figure out which way was up and then Loki found his jacket pulling him up, his head breaking through the foaming water. He glanced around for the others, but couldn't see anyone, so he set off for the shore. It was close, and the current was ebbing, so he reached it sooner than he had expected. Climbing out, he scanned the river, looking for the others. They were swimming, some others getting onto land, and...

Thor was on the rock, motionless. His safety gear was still on, but it had done nothing to protect him from whatever had blood flowing far too fast down into the river.


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The thing with a shitstorm is that sometimes it leads to a shitnado.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year, everyone!
> 
> Also, medical stuff squicks me out so while I usually do some research when writing something unfamiliar, I didn't even try with this. Apologies to people in the field for what will probably be jarringly bad reading for you.

On the shore it was chaos. Sam was sobbing hysterically. "My arm cramped up, I couldn't move it. Oh God, is he okay?" and Malai thrust the walkie into Loki's hand and waded back into the water and Dan was putting his hand on Loki's shoulder and saying "I used to be an EMT, man, I'm going to go help. Hang on, okay?" and Loki started to talk into the walkie.

The other guides were talking in Thai, sounding calm but concerned. Loki spoke over them. "There's been an accident in the last raft. Someone was thrown onto a rock and he's bleeding, please, we need help, he's not moving."

Emily took it. "I'll take care of that. You go to him."

Loki nodded and stumbled back into the water. God, it was cold, Thor had to be cold, he had to be in shock, that's what it was, why he wasn't moving, nothing worse, but if he was in shock they had to make him warm but that made blood flow faster and his mind just kept torturing him with the worst images as he made his way back out.

Dan was up on the rock next to Thor, Malai having moved off to make room. "His pulse is strong," he told Loki.

"He's bleeding so fast. Where's he hurt?"

"Heads bleed a lot. The rock got him on the chin. Can you help me turn him over?"

A steel hand clasped around Loki's chest and squeezed. "You're not supposed to move people with head injuries," Loki said.

"I know. But he's going to have to be moved to get him to the hospital, and ambulances don't come to the middle of the river. I need to turn him over to stop the bleeding. Malai said a rescue boat should be on its way."

Loki nodded, wondering vaguely if he was in shock himself as Dan counted to three and they turned Thor to his back. His hands were bloody and he was begging Thor to please be okay while Dan took off his shirt to press against the wound.

The roar of a power boat announced its approach, and Dan and Loki helped the two men move Thor's limp body into the boat. They rode off with him. It wasn't far back to where the vans were. The other three groups had already gotten back and were standing around, unsure what to do, as Thor was lifted from the boat and into the back seat of a van.

"We need to take a full load, there weren't any empty seats coming here," Dan prompted. Some people nodded and piled in. Dan got Thor's head resting on Loki's lap and sat himself at Loki's feet. Alex climbed into the driver's seat and they were hurling down the road, as fast as he could safely go, back to Chiang Mai.

"We need to try to hold him still, or at least protect him from the sharpness of the turns," Dan said.

Loki was only vaguely aware of the conversations around them. Someone telling him that they were in the outskirts of town, someone else giving Alex directions to the hospital. All he really noticed was how Dan's face looked more serious each time he felt Thor's pulse.

When they reached the hospital a team of orderlies came out and loaded Thor onto a stretcher. Dan and Loki followed him inside where a translator met them. "Are you family?" she asked.

"I am," Loki said faintly.

"I'm sorry, family only," she told Dan.

"I can wait out here as long as you need," Dan told Loki.

"No. No, it's okay. You must be freezing, and there's nothing you can do. Thank you," Loki said numbly.

The doctor joined them even before the nurses were done getting Thor hooked up to the IV and monitors. He asked a question. The translator turned to Loki.

"There was an industrial accident two days ago, and the hospital is very low on blood. The doctor wants to know if you are the same blood type as the patient?"

"I don't know," Loki said numbly.

"Allergies to any medications?"

"I don't know."

She told the doctor, who heaved a sigh. "He says a small transfusion of O-neg will be started right away, but he wants to run some blood tests on both of you to see if you can give more, and make sure you don't have conflicting antibodies."

Loki nodded and a nurse came and took some blood. He barely felt it. The moment Thor's was drawn, another nurse was hanging a deep red bag next to the bed and adding it to the glucose drip. Loki held Thor's hand and watched it go.

The transfusion bag was nearly empty when the doctor came back, looking irritated and speaking rapidly. Loki looked at the translator, anxious.

"The doctor says it would have saved a lot of time and money if you had told us you were brothers," she said.

Loki looked at them. "I'm sorry. I didn't think," he said numbly.


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The conversation begins.

Someone took him away to another bed in the ER and gave him a form to sign before taking his blood. The ceiling tiles were that white stuff with tiny bubble holes. He searched them desperately for constellations, focusing on the ceiling. There was Orion, more or less. There, near the wall, he found a reasonable match for the Pleiades. The donation took a long time, and at some point while hunting for the Little Dipper - he'd found the Big Dipper but he was two thirds the way across the ceiling and hadn't found the little one and he was starting to panic - he realized he was shivering with cold. A nurse put a blanket over him and rubbed his hands. She was short and middle aged with a sensible haircut and it had gray streaks that some people might have hated but they suited her and she had laugh lines around her eyes and she wore light blue scrubs that were kind of baggy and her shoes squeaked against the linoleum floor.

Afterwards she made him stay in the bed a few minutes and have juice and cookies. He ate methodically, three bites per cookie. One was coconut and one was pineapple and one had chocolate chips and he chewed each bite six times before swallowing. She hovered over him as he sat up and slid to his feet. The translator wasn't there, but she tutted over him clearly enough as she got out two hospital gowns and gestured that they were to replace his wet clothes. They were half-dried onto his body, and he was still shaking. She helped him undress and put the gowns on him, one of them backwards so that he didn't have an open flap as she led him back down the hall to Thor's bedside. She patted his arm before she left them alone. An orderly arrived a few minutes later with slippers and a styrofoam cup of green tea. It tasted terrible but he was grateful for its warmth and he clung to the cup, trying not to let it slosh onto himself.

A different nurse came in and hung up another bag. Loki sat and watched as his blood dripped into Thor's arm. He counted them because he couldn't think. Couldn't let himself think.

Thor's eyelids started fluttering and a machine started chirping and a bunch of nurses came in. They clustered around the bed talking. Loki stood up behind them to watch. Thor had opened his eyes and he was trying to look around but his head was fixed in place and he looked panicked, his breathing growing rapid until someone put something in his drip.

The translator appeared in the middle of the bustle. "You had an accident, but now you're in the hospital. As soon as the technician returns, the doctor wants to send you for some scans. His preliminary exam looked good, so he wants you to be cheerful," she said.

"Loki?" Thor said, and he sounded so lost.

"I'm here," Loki said. He stood up so Thor could see him. Thor's eyes swiveled towards him, seeking him out between the nurses who half-blocked his view. They finished up quickly and then the two of them were alone in the little room.

"The doctor said the weirdest thing," Loki said. He felt a burst of laughter brimming in his chest, begging to burst free. "They took some blood to see if I could be a match to donate to you and he said the weirdest thing."

All he wanted was for Thor to look confused. He'd even hit his fucking head, it should have been _easy_ to look confused, but he didn't, he _didn't look confused_ and it said everything.

"It's a mistake. They made a mistake," Loki said.

"My twin brother was kidnapped when we were four months old. The police never got anywhere and my mother never forgave herself. I grew up promising myself I'd find him."

"You're wrong."

Thor was speaking almost loudly now despite whatever drug they'd given him. "In that whole spreadsheet your father had, there was _one_ baby with no sale price. August twenty-second, 1983. Twenty-two-A-five-B-T-seven. Twenty point nine. Thirteen point zero. M. Black. Blue. Pale. Four months. Sweet."

"No. No. I saw that picture in your wallet. It was you holding two babies."

"Wh- _no_. That was Baldr. He was holding us. You know he's the oldest, you know that."

"No. I know you have two brothers. Three kids and that's the number in the picture, it's Baldr holding you and Tyr."

"Tyr was born a year after us."

Loki shook his head, backing away. "No, that's wrong. It can't be real. They did the test wrong, you read something wrong. I don't know. Something. Everybody's making mistakes. People need to be more careful, it's not okay to be wrong about this stuff, it's just not."

"It's the thing with twins," Thor said, talking over him. "There's so many things you have to do one at a time. Mom was in the parking lot at the grocery store, and she put the bags into the trunk while Baldr got in the car. She left you in the stroller while she put me in my car seat, and when she turned back to get you, you were gone. She still hasn't forgiven herself for that. She said I was loud and you were quiet, and if only she'd put you in first, I would have screamed bloody murder when they tried to steal me."

Loki thought of his mother, talking about when he was a baby. _The sweetest, quietest baby I'd ever seen,_ she used to say. _Who wouldn't want a baby like that?_ "I don't have blue eyes. My eyes are green," Loki said. It was the last argument he could find.

"Not when we were babies," Thor said gently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was remiss yesterday in forgetting to give credit - the rafting accident was Prettypearlnecklace's suggestion. I had to make Thor bleed a lot somehow and I feel like I rely too much on car accidents.


	35. Chapter 35

Loki sat down.

"Loki, _please_. At least come where I can see you," Thor said.

"I have to think," Loki told him. They stayed silent while the orderlies came to wheel Thor off for his scans. He got up and paced the room, circling over and over through the space where Thor's bed had been. Despite what he had said it was impossible to think, impossible to do anything but feel the tornado in his chest and try not to let it kill him.

Thor was brought back perhaps an hour later. Loki stayed standing, waiting to speak until they were alone. "It's why you got so weird, isn't it? I thought it was because you found out about what I did, about my... the criminal stuff, but it wasn't. It's why you were so weird about touching me when I tried to... oh, God. When were you going to tell me?"

Thor closed his eyes. "I wanted to tell you everything. I meant to, when I came over to your apartment. But how do you say that?" He gave a bitter laugh. " _Hi, I know we've been fucking but it turns out we're twins and oh by the way, this is now the second time everything in your life has been destroyed._ And then we were running and I was so focused on keeping you safe, and I tried to tell you we couldn't be together like that-"

"But you didn't tell me _why._ What did you think? That it would be better later? How could you possibly think that every day that passed could do anything but make this moment worse?"

"I don't know. I don't know what I planned. I made myself stop thinking about the future. I just wanted to protect you from feeling like this for as long as I could."

Thor's words echoed in his head, from the plane, from Hanoi. _I won't let anyone hurt you. I need to keep you safe._ Loki finally met his eyes. "You're older," he said softly.

"Fourteen minutes. Mom said I screamed nonstop until you were born and put next to me."

He held on to the bed rail. Thor's hand lay on the sheets. Loki had never seen his skin so white. It was like the transfusion had done nothing. He realized suddenly how very much he wanted to touch it, to take it between his own and rub the color back into it. "I must have done something so bad. I knew I wasn't good, but I didn't know I was bad enough to deserve this."

"No, ba-Loki. Neither of us deserved this. They robbed all of us. My parents lost their child. Mom blamed herself so badly I was half-raised by a nanny because she couldn't trust herself after that. You were taken away from your family and kept by people who were _horrible._ " Thor's voice was pleading.

"And you?" Loki asked quietly.

"And me? I grew up with this hole, right _here_ , where I knew you were supposed to be. And then I met you and you filled it up so perfectly, before I even knew. I'd never felt anything like that before. It hit me so fast and so hard, I'd never wanted anything in my life as much as I wanted you. And once I found out I couldn't make myself stop feeling it. I tried not to notice you and I tried not to want you and I _couldn't stop._ "

Thor's cheeks were wet. Loki felt a matching tear run, ticklish, down his cheek. He knew that void too, though he'd never had a name for it as Thor had. He blinked his eyes clear. "What's... what was my name?" he asked.

"Loptr. Not so different, really. It must have suited you, even back then."

"Loptr." Loki rolled the name around in his mouth, testing it with his tongue. "It sounds like a rabbit. Flopsy, Mopsy, and Loptr."

Thor gave him a weak smile. "We actually had bunny onesies. Mom has the picture on the mantle in the living room. They were brown and had floppy ears and white cottontails. It was what she dressed us in to take us home from the hospital. I don't think that was how they picked your name, though."

"So now what?"

"I don't know. Whatever you want. I need to make this up to you, however I can. I don’t want to lose you in my life however you're willing to let that be. And even if you're not willing to do a reunion, I need to tell Mom you're okay. She thinks you're dead, you see. She pretty much thinks she killed you."

Loki was just opening his mouth to answer when there was a knock on the door and an orderly came in. He gave Loki a sympathetic look and pointed at his watch.

Loki nodded.

"Will you come see me tomorrow?" Thor asked.

Loki looked down at him. His hair was messed by the brace and (probably because he'd shoved it out of the way while talking) the ice pack appeared to have done nothing for the swelling. His chin was a huge puffy mess of purple bruise and ugly scab and his eyes were red and they were so, so frightened.

"Yeah. I'll be back." He didn't know if it was the truth, but maybe it would help Thor sleep tonight.


	36. Chapter 36

There were actual four-wheeled car cabs waiting in front of the hospital. A smoother ride for recovering patients, he supposed. They rolled quietly through the darkening streets. He stared unseeing as the lights turned off in some businesses and turned on in the others. Neon lights flashed and glowed, offering drinks, massages, girls. He watched them go by like it was another world. He was halfway home when he realized he was still wearing the hospital gowns and slippers.

Muscle memory alone carried him out of the car, up to the flat, inside the door. He set his keys down in the basket kept on the stand by the door and went into the kitchen for some water. The microwave read 9:17. The press conference. He'd forgotten it completely. He drank three glasses of water and went to the living room to look at the news. He couldn't find a video, but there were clips and a transcript on a local tv station's website. He went straight to the transcript. He could read faster than people could talk and whatever they had to say he wanted it over with fast.

It turned out that Hill was the agent assigned to the investigation, just as he'd hoped. The whole thing was far longer than it needed to be, as far as Loki was concerned. It contained only two items of interest: his father and brother, along with dozens of employees across the U.S., had been arrested for child trafficking following the receipt of an anonymous tip. It had been kept quiet while the FBI followed every lead, questioning and re-questioning everyone they had captured.

"All the primary individuals involved in this ring have been apprehended and are currently in custody. Today's press conference is to broadcast our request that the tipster contact me as soon as possible. Thank you. I will now take your questions," Hill concluded.

None of the reporters asked anything he cared about knowing. All he could see was that one line on the screen: _all the primary individuals are in custody._ Did that mean they didn't even know about Loki? It was impossible. He was all over the records that Thor had cracked, and he had no doubt that once he had run away with Thor, his father and Helblindi would have tried to place every iota of blame upon him. So why did she not mention him?

He should eat, he knew that. He went back into the kitchen and found their dirty plates in the sink, waiting to be washed. It was Thor's turn to do the dishes. Loki washed them mechanically and left without eating. He went to the bathroom. Their towels hung next to each other on the towel rack, Thor's a thick fluffy cotton and Loki's a delicate microfiber, for his curls. He'd given up fighting them months ago; the Thai climate always won. Thor liked to tug on them and watch them spring.

It was impossible to stay here, waiting for morning and whatever it brought. He didn't know if he was going back to the hospital and sleeping tonight seemed impossible and he needed to be somewhere that he didn't see Thor everywhere he turned.

There was a new bar a couple blocks away. They'd kept meaning to go there, but hadn't yet. That would be safe. He dressed and left the apartment without looking back. It was dim inside, lots of palm fronds hanging from the ceiling. He took a seat at the bar and ordered a gin and tonic. He hated them, which meant he'd never drunk them with Thor. He was on his third when someone tapped his shoulder. "Excuse me, is this seat taken?"

Loki shook his head _no_ without looking. A man sat down next to him and ordered bourbon. "You look lonely," the man told him.

He turned. The man was gorgeous, thick dark hair that just hit his shoulders, warm brown eyes and the most exquisite cheekbones. "I am," Loki said.

"So am I. Maybe we can be lonely together. My name's Kam."

"Luca."

Kam proved easy to talk to. His company had moved him here two months ago from his home in Singapore, and he was still getting settled. He had a sense of humor as dry as the Sahara and lips as wet as the sea, and after two more rounds, he laid his hand over Loki's. "Would you like to come home with me tonight? We can put off the loneliness a little longer."

"Yes, I'd like that," Loki said, trying to make himself believe it.

They closed their tabs and wandered out into the muggy night. Halfway down the block, Loki took Kam's hand. Another block and Kam stopped him, tugging him into a dark doorway. He slipped a hand around the back of Loki's neck and Loki's stomach became a sickening knot. Kam leaned in to kiss him and he jerked away.

"I can't. I'm sorry, I just- I can't."

"Ah. You're trying to forget someone."

"I am. I'm sorry about this."

"I understand. I've been there."

"I better go."

"Yeah. Good luck with it. I hope things work out for the best."

Loki gave a hollow laugh. "I don't suppose you have any helpful advice on that?"

"Not a clue. You try to have a good night."

"Thanks. You too."

 

He sat on the couch, curling his feet under him, and turned on the tv, and it slowly became impossible to stop yawning. Maybe if he took some cold medicine, he could sleep a little, he thought. A couple pills and an hour later, they started to kick in. He went to the bedroom, but it was too stuffy to sleep. He was halfway to the window to get a breeze when he saw Hans on the dresser. That fucking bear. If only Thor hadn't given it to him, if he hadn't gone back for it... he'd probably be in prison now, but maybe even that would be better. Especially if he could have convinced them that he didn't have anything to do with the worst offenses. Maybe he could have turned state's evidence, gotten immunity for his testimony. He opened the window and threw the bear into the street.

The moment it left his hand he froze in shock. He stood at the window, staring out into the darkness. When he could move, he turned and ran for the stairs.


	37. Chapter 37

At least it wasn't raining. That would just have been too fucking clichéd, running around in the dark and the rain looking for the teddy bear his boyfriend had given him.

His brother.

He had four brothers and Thor was one of them. But this pain in his chest didn't feel like any fight he'd ever had with Helblindi. And the relief he found when he saw a furry brown foot sticking up from the shrubbery across the street didn't feel like anything he'd known before either.

He did manage to fall asleep after that, courtesy of the pills. He woke in the morning still holding the bear and already knowing he'd go back to the hospital.

 

There was a small flower stand across the street from the main entrance. He crossed over to it and wondered what to get. Not roses, because red said things he didn't know if he wanted to say and any other color said _I'm not buying you red roses_ and he wasn't sure he was ready to say that either. He settled on a few sprays of orchids, spikey yellow things with black speckles and a faintly chocolaty scent, because those just said _we're in the tropics_.

The aide at the main desk didn't speak English, so Loki wrote _Theo Harris_ in neat letters and in return he got a map of the hospital with a room circled. He couldn't come up with a smile of thanks, not with his heart thudding like it was trying to escape his chest, not with his lungs feeling like they were clenched in an iron fist that tightened with every step towards Thor's room.

He stopped in the doorway. Thor's eyes were closed and his face looked like he'd been in a one-on-one fight with the Terminator, but the neck brace was off. That had to mean something good. Well, that and the fact that his chest was rising and falling in long even breaths.

Before this, if anyone had asked Loki if it was possible for Thor to look fragile, he would have laughed in their faces. He would have been wrong. All that bulk, all that muscle... he still somehow looked tiny and delicate lying there, the thin gown twisted around his legs and so many machines clustered around him. 

Thor opened his eyes and a smile washed over his face, suffusing his whole being. "You came. I didn't really know if you would."

"I said I would."

"I thought you might have just said that to help me sleep."

Loki walked in. This room was bigger. Thor had a window. All he could see from the bed was sky, but it was better than a wall. "I got you flowers."

"They're beautiful. Thank you. They can go there," Thor said, pointing to the small dresser.

"You said I disgusted you. You said I made you sick," Loki told him.

Thor's face answered before he spoke. Sorrow, regret. "I had just found out that the guy I thought was perfect was a babysnatcher, part of the ring that had nearly destroyed my family. And then within an hour of that I figured out that he was my family. I would give anything to be able to take those words back."

"But you meant them."

"While I thought you were involved, yes. That felt like a double betrayal, and I know now that you didn't know we were brothers but when I found all those things at once, how was I to know? And when we were on the plane and you saw Helblindi, you said _my brother_ and for a second I thought you were admitting it."

"Awww, you found out you'd been fucking your brother and thought maybe he knew. You poor thing. I can only guess what that felt like because I have no doubt," Loki said, his voice turning into a hiss as he spoke.

"And we only met so you could destroy my work before having me killed," Thor answered hotly.

That was not what Loki had expected. He thought there would be apologies. Begging, maybe. Not that. "Yes, and haven't you punished me enough for it?" he asked.

"Merely pointing out facts," Thor said. "If we're going to fight we should lay all our cards out."

"Are we going to fight?"

"That's what we're doing right now," Thor said.

"I'm used to the kind with yelling. I like them better."

"Sad fights hurt more. I grew up knowing that," Thor told him.

"What was it like? Your childhood?"

"I've told you stuff before," Thor said. He looked confused at the abrupt transition, but willing enough to go along with it.

"Yeah, but those were moments. I want to know how it felt."

"It felt... I don't know, it's just the way things were. I wasn't allowed outside much on my own until way later than most kids, mostly once I started bulking up in high school. You look at my arms and see muscle. I see a ticket out the door."

"I didn't know."

Thor shook his head. "It's not something I volunteer. It makes my - our - parents sound crazy when really they were terrified."

"I saw the press conference." Another abrupt transition, he knew, but it was so hard to stay on one subject for too long.

Thor's face lit up. "What did they say?"

"All the top people are in custody, and they want to talk to you."Loki shrugged. "That's it, really."

"Can you bring me my phone?"

"I don't know where it is," Loki said, only realizing it at that moment. "I didn't get our things from the safe before we left the rafting place."

"Someone must have brought them back," Thor said. "I bet you have an email."

"I'll check it tonight. What do you think they want to talk to you about?"

Thor didn't look so bloodless today. At Loki's question, he flushed. That definitely wasn't what Loki had expected. He'd thought Thor would say they had technical questions about how he did it, something like that. Maybe a medal. Not this. "What?" he demanded.

"I... I deleted a few things about you. I wonder if they found some paper files."

"You deleted things about me?"

"The connection to Loki Anderson, the reports on how much money you brought in."

"Uh-huh. Why?"

"I couldn't let them find it," Thor told him. _Obviously_ , said his tone.

Loki barked a laugh. "So let me get this straight. You thought I knew I was your abducted brother who went on to do the same thing to other kids, _and_ you thought I knew we were brothers while I seduced you while _also_ planning to have you killed, and you still tampered with evidence in order to hide me from the FBI? Is there anything I missed?"

"I didn't really think all those things at the same time. I told you, I didn't know what to think."

"But you _did_  do that to hide me from the FBI."

"Yeah."

"I don't know if it's you who's crazy, or if I'm-"

"My everything," Thor said. "I told you, you're my everything."


	38. Chapter 38

"I don't know if I can be that."

"That's okay. I want you in my life, however you're able to be."

"But what you _want_... it's more than just brothers."

"I do. I love you every way I can love. But I'll respect your decision."

They met each other's eyes, Loki's gaze bearing all the turmoil that churned within him, Thor's all his love and all his fear. It was somewhat less than the ideal time for the doctor to stop in, but there she was.

"Mr. Harris? I am Dr. Vipavakit, you're in my care for today."

Thor greeted her as Loki rose. "I'll wait in the hall," he said.

"No, please stay," Thor asked.

She smiled a hello to Loki as she picked up Thor's chart from the foot of the bed. "Your scans all came back perfectly clear, and your vitals have held strong overnight. I'd like to keep you another day for observation, but if you keep up this progress you'll be going home tomorrow." She turned to Loki. "Will you be the one taking him home?"

He glanced at Thor and nodded. "I will."

They spent the rest of the day avoiding _talking._ The hospital gift shop had decks of cards, so Loki bought some of those when he went to the cafeteria for lunch. Both were exhausted and in pain and not ready for more; they knew more had to be said, but for now they really weren't up for anything more than gin rummy and caption-less soap operas.

Loki stayed until visiting hours ended again, and this time, when he said he'd be back in the morning, they both knew it was the truth. "I'll bring you some clothes," he said. He didn't know what else to do, as he hovered there over Thor's bedside - Kiss his forehead? Pat his hand? Nothing seemed to fit, so he just tried to smile at Thor like he meant it, and Thor smiled back.

 

While Thor was trying to sleep despite the noise of the hospital, Loki was hurrying home to check his email, going over to Emily's and collecting their things.

"You look wiped out," she said, smoothing her hand over his forehead. She was a retired historian who was pert and lively and not at all given to motherly gestures.

"That bad, huh?" he said ruefully.

"You'll sleep better tonight, knowing he's all right. Stay for dinner. We're making something out of a box, it's easy to double."

"Thanks. I'd like that."

She and Linda didn't push him to talk as they ate; they turned to him periodically, letting him feel included, but they carried on happily between the two of them. He'd realized, not long ago, that before coming to Chiang Mai he'd never really been around any long-term happy couples. Their banter, peppered with references to events years or decades in their past, was light. One could almost have mistaken them for sisters, they were so easy together.

 

Thor did get released the next day. Dr. Vipavakit was there again, and she had personally written down all the discharge directions for Loki. "Make sure you can read my writing, before I let you go," she said.

He skimmed down the list. "One week's bed rest and then he can return to light activity. No alcohol or medications other than the prescriptions you've written him. If he has any sudden pain, vision problems, nausea, or if his dizziness gets worse, I'm to bring him back immediately."

"Exactly. Take care of yourself, Mr. Harris," she said, shaking Thor's hand.

A nurse helped Thor dress while Loki looked awkwardly away. He was grateful. He'd have to get Thor undressed before putting him to bed, which would be even worse, but at least it was still a little bit away. He had hour before he had to face it.

Nope. Forty-two minutes.

"I can probably do this by myself," Thor offered, but his face was white and strained from the work of climbing out of the cab and walking to the elevator.

"It's okay. Boxers and t-shirt all right?"

"That's fine." Thor undid his light pants and let them fall to his ankles before sitting on the side of the bed. He leaned back on his hands, resting, while Loki knelt and took off his shoes and socks, trying desperately not to think of the many happier times that he'd been in this position. Once he got the pants free, Thor scooted himself back into the bed. He fell back with a sigh of relief.

"Do you want any blankets?" Loki asked. He really needed Thor to say yes, he really needed Thor to cover up, because seeing him like this... Loki wasn't feeling very brotherly. It gave him a sickening jolt of understanding what Thor had felt, back when he'd first found out. The _wanting_ wasn't something that could be turned off like a tap, no matter how hard he tried. His body was beginning to react as it always did to Thor's state of undress, and he could have wept with gratitude when Thor said yes, he needed a cover.

"Can I have my computer?" Thor asked once he was tucked in.

"You look tired. Why don't you nap, and then I'll bring it to you?"

"I'll feel better once I write Hill. I need to get things moving. You feel it too, don't you? It's time to go home."


	39. Chapter 39

Loki snorted. "That seems a little premature."

"I don't mean right now. I'm not even allowed out of bed for another week. But I feel like it's time to start working towards it. And we agreed when we came that it wasn't forever."

"I know. But I started thinking maybe we were wrong."

"I miss our parents. I miss Baldr and Tyr. I miss being _home._ "

"Well, while you're busy missing home, you might recall that I no longer have one."

"You do if you want. All you have to do is say the word."

Loki really didn’t know how to answer that, so he got up and brought Thor his laptop. "One email, then you promise to sleep."

"I promise," Thor said. The smile he gave Loki was unsure, like he didn't know what else to say.

"I'll leave the door open. Call me if you need anything."

"Thank you. Um... you know, if you'd be more comfortable, we can hire someone to help me this week."

"I'll take care of you. I'm your brother."

 

Loki sat on the sofa, listening and staring at the mountains. If only Thor had planned a hike, if only the weather had bad. He had been happy. Before Thor, he'd had little more than a vague sense that _happy_ was something more than just _not sad_. He could have stayed so happy if only they hadn't gone. And the worst of it: as much as this hurt, his instinct was still to throw himself into Thor's arms and let Thor be the one to make everything all better.

After a couple hours he went back down the hall. Thor was on his side, facing away from the door, but at the sound of quiet footsteps, he said, "Loki?"

"Hi. I just wanted to check on you. Go back to sleep."

"I wasn't sleeping. Come talk to me?"

Loki circled the bed and sat down on the far side. Thor's side. "What do you want to talk about?" he asked.

"I'm nervous. We need to work out our story, in case they did find stuff to connect you."

"Perjury on top of evidence tampering?" Loki said. He couldn't help the quirk in his lips as he spoke.

"That's why it has to be absolutely solid."

"What were you thinking?"

"You just found out about the extent of your family's activities this year. You were nervous about going directly to law enforcement because of your own past, so you came to Berlin, pretending to be on vacation but really to find someone at the hacker conference to bring them down."

Loki nodded thoughtfully. "And you erased me before sending things to the FBI because with my past, you couldn't be sure that my blackmail targets wouldn't use it as a chance to retaliate and frame me for worse than I'd done."

"I like that. Now we need to come up with details. How we met in Berlin, how that first conversation went..."

The conversation took all afternoon, going over the story with a fine-tooth comb, attacking it with a sledgehammer, until it withstood the most brutal and most delicate of attentions.

Sitting on the edge of the bed for a long time proved uncomfortable, and after maybe an hour he had kicked off his shoes and brought up his knees. At some point that turned into lying down. He was at the very edge of the bed and on top of the blankets but he was still lying down next to Thor and they were on their sides facing each other and it had seemed so natural when he did it but then the conversation hit a lull and he realized they were lying there together in silence, looking into each other's eyes. "What do you want for dinner?" Loki asked abruptly.

"Something cozy. Lasagne. Does Italian sound good?" Thor asked, reaching for his laptop.

After the initial letdown at Pizza Hut, they had come to learn that the expat community in Chiang Mai included people from all over the world who had decided that living in a tropical paradise was really quite appealing, and that running a restaurant was one way to do it. A few miles away was a Neapolitan place they'd instantly fallen in love with. It had the two things they most wanted: exquisite food and online ordering.

"Sure. Get me the baked tortellini."

Thor placed the order and set down the computer. "Can you help me up? I'm about to bust."

Loki got up as Thor swung his legs over the side of the bed. He slipped his hands behind Thor's shoulders to help him sit up. "Whoa," Thor said, putting a hand to his head.

Loki squelched a surge of panic. "Dizzy?" he asked calmly.

"Just a little, from sitting up. They said that was okay as long as it went away in a minute. It's already fading."

"Okay." They waited for Thor's head to clear, and then the two of them got him off the bed onto his feet. He swayed slightly and Loki put his arm around him without thinking. It felt good. Easy. _Baldr would have done the same for Thor. I would have done it for Helblindi,_ he told himself, though in truth he probably would have let Hel fall, and Baldr almost certainly wouldn't have felt this rush of heat surge through him at the touch.

 

Sitting up long enough to eat his dinner wore Thor out, and when he was finished he wiggled back down the bed with a long yawn.

"You should take another nap," Loki told him.

"Wake me when it's eight in Chicago?"

"I will."

That was a little more than an hour. Loki spent it wishing he smoked.

 

"Thor, wake up. It's time to check your email." The sun was nearly set, and the room had grown dim. The computer shone blue on Thor's face as he opened it. His eyes flew to Loki's.

"She wrote?"

Thor nodded.

"What's it say?"

Thor took a deep breath and opened it. "She doesn't even mention you. She’s offering me immunity from prosecution for the hacking if I’ll testify about what I found.”

“So the question is, does she know about me, and is using this as bait? If you go, they might still arrest you for messing with the evidence.”

“I’m not going without you.”

“Then it’s even more important that we find out what she knows.”

“I think we have to tell her. Then we’ll _know_ she knows, and that’s something we can act on. And if she does know, it'll look better if we're honest.”

“You want to tell her?”

“Not directly. I’ll send our story to Baldr and ask him to go see her. If he goes as my attorney rather than my brother, he’ll be safe.”

“Are you going to tell him who I am?”

Thor sighed. “Not yet. He’ll be mad later, but he’ll understand.” Loki watched as Thor typed his reply.

_Dear Agent Hill,_

_I’m sure you understand that I want to have my attorney, Baldr Odinson, involved in this discussion. I am contacting him and will ask him to work with you on my behalf. You should hear from him shortly._

_Best,_

_Thor Odinson_

“You told her your name?” Loki said, surprised.

Thor shrugged. “I didn’t see any point in hiding it now. The last time my real passport got scanned into a computer was when we crossed into Vietnam, and I'm using a Hanoi IP address.” He wrote a message to Baldr and passed the laptop to Loki to read it before sending.

“Looks good. Now we have to memorize this exactly.”

“We’ve done this much, we can do that too.”

Not ten minutes later, Baldr replied. _I’m meeting her at noon._


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my warning that pretty much everything I know about the legal system is from watching The Practice a really long time ago. Any attorneys reading, I apologize for everything.

"I assume I can't talk you into sleeping til then," Loki said.

"You can never talk someone into sleeping. Only into trying. But yeah, there's no point."

Loki sighed. "Didn’t think so. At least watch a stupid movie or something, let your brain have a rest for a while."

“Watch with me?” Thor asked. The excitement over the emails had made his eyes bright and hopeful and Loki felt a revolting urge to kiss him.

“I’m going to nap on the couch. I’ll set an alarm. I don’t know if I’ll hear you yell, but your phone’s by the bed, so you can call me if you need anything.” He knew his tone was brusque but it couldn’t be helped. He watched as Thor’s face fell. _Now you see how it feels_ he though viciously, and tried to tell himself it was justice.

He set his alarm but didn’t sleep. It didn’t matter if his eyes were open or shut, Thor’s pained face hung in his gaze. He knew he was sending the same mixed signals Thor had sent him, back when they first fled, but he couldn’t help it. He supposed Thor hadn’t meant to do it then any more than he did now. He couldn’t stop thinking and the couch was too short to straighten his legs and it was so tempting to crawl into bed and watch the movie.

 

Loki’s alarm went off at one. It would have to be at least an hour before they heard anything from Baldr, but he padded back to the bedroom anyway. His legs were cramped and uncomfortable. A movie was playing, something with a lot of yelling and shooting, but Thor was ignoring it. He was on his side, watching the door. Watching for Loki.

"You're walking funny," Thor said.

"The couch is too short."

"You don't have to- I mean, this is a king. There's room for both of us to have lots of space in between."

Loki turned away. The window was still open to catch the night breeze, fragrant from the tumble of blooming vines below. The sky was overcast, just a couple of stars breaking through to twinkle down. " We'll see," he said. "Anyway, isn't it about time to start obsessively refreshing your email?"

"I doubt their meeting will be that short, but you're right. I should," Thor answered. It was something Loki teased him over. Had teased him over when things were good. And, apparently, still did.

Loki sat at the very edge of the bed, leaning against the headboard and his legs blessedly stretched out. The only sound was Thor's mouse as he clicked over and over. At last, it arrived.

_She was seriously pissed about you tampering with the records, as she should be. I know you were just trying to protect your contact but this could ruin the whole case. And these are the people who took Loptr, aren't they? I knew something was up when you started upsetting mom with all your questions. If those people walk because you didn't think to come to me before you acted it's going to be a long time before I can talk to you again. I know he was your twin, but I'm the one of us who remembers him. I remember it happening and I remember losing him and I remember Mom screaming and I remember not sleeping for a week because you wouldn't stop crying for him. However much you want to act like it, you're not the only one who lost a brother._

_Agent Hill is going to talk to her superiors about further immunity offers. The only way that this is going to result in a conviction now is for you and your companion to come testify. As your lawyer, I would advise you to not return to the states without a promise of full immunity, but as your family, if you don't do every fucking thing you can to see these people in jail I will never speak to you again. If you would prefer a different lawyer, I can recommend a colleague who will give you excellent representation._

_Baldr_

"I didn't know he remembered," Thor said softly.

Loki looked at him. His face was raw, his eyes wet, and it _hurt_ to see him like that. Loki put his hand on the back of Thor's. "He'll forgive you. When he learns you found me, he'll forgive you."

"Yeah, but until then..." Thor shook his head. "He was only three. That must have fucked him up but good."

"It fucked us all up. But we'll get there. You should write him back." Loki squeezed his hand before he let go.

Thor sighed. "Yeah. You're right."

_Dear Baldr,_

_Of course I still want you as my attorney. Please understand that when I deleted that stuff I didn't have time to think things through, I barely had time to get my companion and myself away in safety. I wish I had talked to you from the beginning. You can't even begin to know how much I wish it. If my actions jeopardized the prosecution in any way, I will never forgive myself. However, I am not willing to return unless the two of us here have a guarantee of full immunity from prosecution._

"Are you serious?" Loki hissed. "After all this, you can't do a little time to help bust them? Tell him I'll do it. Tell him at least one of his brothers isn't a total chickenshit."

"Loki! Of course I'm not serious. But the bar for law enforcement to search email is way lower than other forms of communication. Trust me, okay? Just til I finish my messages."

"Just til you finish them," Loki said.

Thor continued. _If, because of this, you would prefer not to represent me, I will understand, but ask you to wait a couple days before deciding. Please believe I want to help. Love, Thor_

"A couple days is going to matter?" Loki asked with a snort.

"It'll give Steve time to deliver this for me," Thor answered, already typing again.

_Dear Steve,_

_I have to ask the biggest favor ever. Please print out the attachment and take it to Baldr's office without reading it. I promise one day I'll explain. Thor_

Thor opened a new doc and started smacking the keyboard with his palms until the whole first page was filled with random characters. "In case he has cheap paper," Thor explained. "The second page won't show through." He began typing on page two. _Baldr, I will come testify no matter what, I swear. I just don't want them to see that in my message to you. Immunity or not, I'll come._

The words spilling across the screen made Loki release the breath he didn't even know he was holding. He watched Thor fill the third page with more randomness and attach it to the email.

"Okay?" Thor asked. He sounded broken.

"Okay," Loki said softly. It took everything he had to squelch the impulse to lean over and kiss Thor's cheek, to see it plump up with a radiant smile. "Do you think you can sleep now?"

Thor looked at him. _He knows_ , Loki thought with rising panic. _He knows I wanted to. Fuck, I can't, what if he-_

"Will you stay? I promise I won't... I mean, I don't want to be alone. That's all."

It was anything but _all_ , but Loki was exhausted and he was hurting too and he couldn't stop himself nodding and saying that yes, he would stay.

 

When he woke in the morning, the room was cold and Thor was watching him.

"Hey, you should be asleep," Loki told him. A week ago he would have reached over and smoothed back that lock of hair that was straggling across Thor's forehead.

"I can't. My chin hurts too much, I need another pain pill," Thor said. He spoke stiffly, trying not to move his jaw.

"You should have woken me."

Thor started to shake his head and winced in pain. "You looked peaceful. I couldn't disturb you."

"I'll get it. Do you mind if I close the window? I'm freezing."

"Go ahead. It got chilly overnight. Would you help me to the bathroom again? I tried to go by myself, but I feel so shaky."

"Of course I'll help you," Loki told him.

Loki helped him down the cold hall, and Thor's body felt _so_ warm against him.


	41. Chapter 41

Thor had one message from Baldr. As he read it, he just… _shrank._

_I don't see how a day is going to matter. If your stupid stunt ruined our chance to get him back I'll never forgive you._

"God, I wish I could tell him," Thor said.

"One thing at a time. If you tell him now he'll know our story is a lie. He'll know we only met because you came looking," Loki told him.

The immensity of _meeting the family_ was beginning to loom, and he found it to be more and more horrifying with each passing moment. What if he couldn't do it, he wondered. Thor seemed to think that Loki would just show up and everything would be unicorns and cupcakes after that, for everyone. Even with everything that had happened in his life he was still a fucking optimist. Loki knew people better than that; hell, he'd made it his life's work to know people's weaknesses. And if this was how Baldr was, putting so much importance on finding him, the parents would almost certainly be far worse. The weight of their hopes was almost physically crushing. His chest went tight, like his lungs were being squeezed until he could barely get a breath. They would expect Loki to be perfect; they'd had decades to build him up in their minds, and it was too much. He couldn't be that for them. How would they feel when they found out that instead of a brain surgeon or something ridiculously perfect, Loki had been a petty blackmailer, turning other people's ill-gotten gains into his own? Maybe they'd be better off left wondering, or thinking he was dead. 

Thor had been rambling on, unheard over the roar of Loki's thoughts. "...they’re going to love you so much, the very second they meet you," he finished.

“Well, maybe I don’t want to meet them. Did you even consider that as a possibility?” Loki spat.

Thor blinked in confusion. “I didn't. Why wouldn’t you?”

Loki jumped up to look down at Thor as he answered, his raised voice trembling. “A million reasons! Maybe Baldr sounds a lot more like a dick than you made him out to be and after Hel I don’t really feel the need for another dick brother in my life! Maybe I actually loved my mom and I don’t want a different one? My mom was nice, Thor. I know it was fucked up how she got me, but I loved her, and now you want someone I’ve never even met to just step right into her place like she never even existed? Or maybe I’m just _done_ with families deciding things for me! I never asked for _any_ of this.” The last words he could only choke out, his words snagged on shattered air. He tore from the room, ignoring the sound of Thor calling after him.

The door was supremely tempting. _Just go_ , urged a voice in his head. It was only the cold that stopped him. He was in boxers and a t-shirt and even here in the living room where the windows had been closed overnight he was shivering. He sank onto one end of the sofa and pulled his feet up, burying his face in his knees, and let it out. Everything he'd been putting aside as he focused on getting through the next minute all churned up and spilled over in a shaking, sobbing mess.

It felt like hours. He cried for the mom he thought he'd known, but she'd turned out to be just another kidnapper. He cried for what had been his own version of a normal life, now lost irrevocably. He cried for the childhood dreams that maybe he could have followed if only he'd grown up with his biological family.

And then all that fell away, and he cried over one single, brutal fact: that the one man who suited him better than anyone else ever possibly could was also his brother.

When his tears were exhausted, he rose and went to the bathroom to splash water on his face. Thor had stopped calling for him, he didn't know when. He must have exhausted himself too. He padded silently to the bedroom door to check on him.

Thor was waiting for him. "You're right," he said before Loki could speak. "No one has ever given you a chance to say what you want. I know you want to help with the trial, so let's just get through that and then see where things stand. If you want to meet them, I'll help. If you decide not to, I'll respect that. And about us... you know how I feel and what I want, but I promise I won't give you any more pressure."

Loki could feel the blood surging through his veins as Thor spoke. The very same blood that was in Thor's veins. He took a deep breath. "I wish you would," he said.


	42. Chapter 42

"Do you mean-" Thor began uncertainly.

Loki nodded. "But ask me. I need you to _ask_ me," he said.

Thor held out his hand. "Would you please come here, baby? I miss you so much."

Loki had thought he didn't have any more to cry, but he was wrong. He collapsed onto Thor's chest, sobbing, and Thor pulled a blanket over his freezing form and wrapped his arms tightly around him, and Thor was crying too and gasping, "Oh, Loki, I thought I'd lost you forever. That look on your face in the hospital when you told me you knew... you were a million miles away from me and I didn't know if I'd ever get you back."

"I know, I know. It's how I felt when we first ran, and you kept telling me you didn't want me anymore, that you didn't feel the same as before."

"I came so close to ruining everything."

"But you didn't. It's not too late. It's not too late for us." Loki raised his head and then they were kissing, cold salty kisses that turned warm and _so_ sweet.

Loki broke away to gaze down upon him, and Thor stared back. The redness of his eyes only made their blue more vivid, the wetness only made the love shine more brightly. "I love you," Thor said. "I'm going to spend the rest of my life telling you that, if you'll let me."

"I will," Loki said, and warm kisses turned hot and he felt Thor getting hard against him as his own cock grew thick and stiff against Thor's leg. He pressed down into it and felt Thor arch up against him. "Is this okay? You still have several days before you're even allowed light activity," Loki asked.

"It's okay. And you're still taking care of me," Thor said, his voice lightly teasing.

"Of course I am," Loki said. "I'm your brother." He shoved the blanket away and got up, undressing as Thor's eyes devoured him. He was so careful of Thor's injury, so gentle as he pulled Thor's shirt over his head. His boxers came off more quickly and Loki sank back down, skin to skin as he had thought they would never be again. He settled up higher than he had before, their cocks pressing against each other, and he curled his hips, going half drunk at the feel of Thor's skin. He shifted to his elbows and knees, moving his hips almost lazily as Thor reached between them to wrap his broad hand around them both at once.

Thor couldn't move his jaw enough for kisses as deep as they wanted, but this burning press of lips was enough, kissing and panting and gasping as Thor brought them off together. Loki knew that he ought to be sickened but he just wasn't, he had tried to convince himself that it was sick but he couldn't. This was _right_ , this was how they belonged. Made together and made to be together and there was no love nor peace for either of them without the other.

"There can never be me without you," Loki whispered.

"There can never be me without you," Thor answered.

They came together, drinking each other's cries like drowning men.

Loki was peppering Thor's face with kisses before he could talk. "I love you, I love you," he said when he could.

"I love you too. I love you so much," Thor said. "Can I ask what changed your mind?"

"You can ask anything, always. I might not tell but you can always ask. But I hadn't made up my mind yet, to have changed it."

"Then what made you?"

"It's hard to decide anything when you feel like others are deciding everything for you. I needed to be told it was up to me. And I needed to be _asked_."

"Of course," Thor murmured. "I'm so-"

Loki pressed his fingers to Thor's lips. "No. No more of that. No more _sorries_. You were doing your best. Your idiotic best, but I know you were trying."

"I really was, you know. Even when I wasn't saying things I should have said, I was trying not to keep deciding everything for us."

After a moment's pause, Loki burst into laughter. "That stupid suede whip. It's why you stopped being so weird after that day in the store," he said.

Thor looked embarrassed. "Yeah. I was trying to be protective, and when you yelled at me I realized I wasn't considering your own wants. I was so focused on you being my little brother I wasn't always thinking of you as a person. You made me realize I had to see you as both."

"How do you just let it go like that? I don't feel wrong about this," he said, grinding his hips against Thor's, "but I feel like I'm supposed to."

"Time, mostly," Thor said. He grinned. "Practice."

Loki laughed and rested his forehead on Thor's. "Good to know."

"In the meantime, would you help me take a bath? I felt bad about asking before, but now I really need it. My stomach's starting to get crusty. It's almost like someone came all over me."

"Gimme a couple minutes," Loki said with a snort. He went to the bathroom and started the tub filling before going to the kitchen to make a stack of quick pbj's, as they still hadn't had breakfast and Thor really had no business going hungry. By the time he had them made and grabbed a couple mango sodas from the fridge, the bath was about ready. He turned off the water and went to collect Thor.

Thor seemed to be having an easier time getting up today. He was a little stronger, and he didn't need to sit on the side of the bed quite as long before he was able to stand up. Loki didn't know if Thor still needed a stabilizing arm around his waist, but it didn't matter. He put it there all the same. Loki stood with his feet firmly planted as Thor held on to him while stepping into the tub. "I'll sit in the back, and you lean against me. I don't want to worry about hitting your chin with my head."

"Thanks," Thor said. He sat carefully, Loki guiding him down.

"God, that feels so good," Thor groaned.

"Temperature's okay?"

"Perfect."

"Alright." They had a small wicker chest in the bathroom, and Loki dragged it over next to the tub and put their food on it before climbing in behind Thor and wrapping his legs around his waist.

From how quickly they ate, neither had realized how hungry they were. When the plate was empty and the bottles drained, Thor leaned back against Loki's chest, sinking farther into the water with a pleased sigh and letting his head rest on Loki's shoulder. Loki pressed a kiss into his hair.

"Does this mean we're okay?" Thor asked gently.

Loki gave a soft hum and rested his head against Thor's. "It means we will be."


	43. Chapter 43

They sat together until the water began to cool before Loki helped Thor wash and stand up under the shower to rinse. By the time they got back to bed, Thor was yawning and grimacing in pain each time.

"If you take a nap, you'll quit yawning and your chin won't hurt so much," Loki pointed out as Thor reached for his laptop.

"I just want to see if Baldr got the note from Steve."

He clearly had. _I needed time to think. I'll continue to represent you. Family sticks together._

"Think you can sleep now?" Loki asked.

Thor nodded. "Will you nap with me?"

"I'm not tired, but I'll stay with you. I'll be right back."

Loki was gone two minutes tops, but Thor was already nearly asleep when he returned with a book. He slid into his side of the bed and Thor rolled to face him, curling one hand loosely over Loki's upper arm. "Love you," he mumbled, and he was out.

After the fourth time skimming blank eyes over the same paragraph Loki put the book down. There was far too much in his mind to be drawn out of it. What he had told Thor was true: they _would_ be okay. It was something of a shock to discover that he truly believed it. Trust and faith did not come easily, but he had found them, tiny glowing embers beneath the ashes of all he’d lost.

 

They both trod gingerly the next few days. Neither was foolish enough to believe that it would be easy, nor were they foolish enough to doubt that it was worth it. Conversations about things like feelings and the future came in short bursts, their difficulty balanced out by lighthearted films and bantering stories, by kisses and caresses that filled the most blissful hours.

"I'm sorry I'm not up to more than this yet," Thor said, dancing his fingers over Loki's cock.

"Make it up to me later," Loki answered, arching his back and gasping.

Thor discovered that Loki's nipples were as exquisitely sensitive as his own. Loki discovered that he could make Thor come, as he himself could, by no more than delicate tongue-flicks against his frenulum. And then came Thor's first 'light activity' day, and Loki slid down onto his cock and rode him so slowly his still-sore chin wasn't jostled once. It felt _right_ , having Thor inside him, just as right as it felt when, a few days later and with a careful arrangement of pillows, he for the first time knowingly slid inside his brother.

It made the difficult things bearable, but it didn't make them any less difficult. It was no one's fault. It was the way things were. Like when Loki asked Thor to tell him more about Baldr when he was in a mood better than his still-irritated emails, and Thor lost himself in reminiscence until Loki had to make him stop.

"What's wrong?" Thor asked.

"I used to daydream about having an older brother take me to baseball games," Loki said.

"I thought you hated baseball."

"I do. But all those other things you said - yelling at the batter, eating Cracker Jack - I would have liked that. When I was a kid."

"It's never too late," Thor murmured, and drew him into a merciful kiss before he had to answer.

Baldr was beginning to seem more easygoing, too. Not that Loki didn't sympathize with his initial anger, of course, but the emails in recent days were sounding more like the good-natured and relaxed brother Thor had always described.

"What can I say? The wheels of justice turn slowly, man, but it's better than getting crushed under them," he had replied when Thor expressed his frustration at the pace of things. "Just be glad Hill is on my side. She's been at the prosecutor non-stop to get immunity for the two of you."

Thor also got a lot of emails from his parents. "Baldr says he's working hard to bring you home safely. He says that the thing you did that put you into hiding will make us proud." Their messages had nothing about finding Loptr, for which Loki was unspeakably grateful.

Tyr also wrote, though he was every bit as laconic as Thor had said. "Enjoy whatever tropic you're in while you still can," he said, and attached a picture of Chicago's gray late-winter slush. Loki liked him; he seemed less emotionally demanding than the others, and the fact that he was the only one of them who wasn't there to lose Loptr meant he didn't have the same emotional stakes riding on a possible return.

Two weeks after Thor came home, he at last had the energy to go out for more than a walk around the block. "How about we go to that new bar down the street?" he suggested.

"You're still on pain pills," Loki pointed out.

Thor shrugged. "I don't care, I'll drink juice. I'm starting to go stir crazy."

"Sure, as long as if we see anyone we know, you promise to tell them I didn't do that to you." Thor's chin had lost nearly all the swelling, but the sickly purple mottling had faded into even more sickly green and yellow and Loki had actually brought home ten different tubes of concealer but Thor had refused to use any of it.

"I'm pretty sure everyone we know had heard all about the accident," Thor said, staring pointedly at the abundance of flowers that filled their apartment. Sam must have sent at least six bouquets herself, each with a long, abject apology tucked into the card. _I feel badly for how guilty she feels. It's not like she could help getting an arm cramp. Maybe I should tell her she doesn't need to do this,_ Thor had said when the third one arrived. _Shut up, they make the place smell amazing,_ Loki had answered.

When they arrived at the bar, Loki scanned the crowd, but Kam wasn't there. Not that he would have known what to say, really, but it would have been nice to thank him. _Well, maybe another night,_ Loki thought.

But there wouldn't be another night. They got home to find an email from Baldr. _Full immunity against any and all potential charges except perjury._

Thor looked at Loki, who nodded. _We accept,_ he wrote back.


	44. Chapter 44

It was only to be expected that Thor would have an easier time leaving. He had always viewed this as temporary, a place to wait in safety. At first Loki would have agreed, but that was only at first. It had been so easy to settle into having a home with Thor, and it wasn't like there was anything for Loki to go back to. And the last couple of weeks, these days since Thor had held out his hand and said _Please_ … Loki had never been an optimist, had never understood those people foolish enough to look on the bright side, but in these recent days he had actually begun to let himself hope.

And now they were boxing up everything that wasn't to return to the States. The expat club had a small storeroom of supplies - pots and pans, vases, the little things that didn't come with furnished apartments and weren't important enough to carry away - and they were dropping things off that afternoon. They had the next day to clean the apartment and a going away party at the club that night, and the morning after, Sam (still gravely apologetic) was driving them to the airport to catch a flight to Bangkok.

"We'll still be together. Whatever happens, we'll be together," Thor said, coming up behind Loki and pressing a kiss to his shoulder. Loki was on the balcony, staring out, when he knew he should be boxing things because Thor still wasn't up to too much exertion.

Loki nodded. "I don't like you travelling like this."

"The doctor said it'd be okay as long as you carried the heavy luggage."

"It's still tiring. Even in the best circumstances, it's tiring. Chiang Mai to Bangkok to Tokyo to Chicago without a break, that's rough."

"We don't have a choice, not if we want to help with the trial."

"We could have asked about going to the embassy and testifying over Skype."

Thor heaved a sigh. "I want to look Farbauti in the eye. I want to look at him and have him _know_ that I know, even if I'm not saying it there on the stand."

Loki turned to face him. "I know. I just worry about you."

"Then you'll have to fuss over me when it's over. Maybe you can fan me with a palm frond and feed me some peeled grapes," Thor said with a teasing smile.

"Fat chance," Loki snorted.

 

Loki really did do his best, but he'd never cleaned an apartment before, and Thor was still going a little dizzy when he bent over or moved too quickly, so they did what they could and agreed to tell Ms. Suttitat that they didn't need their deposit back.

The party went just as expected, based on the others they'd attended - Tyrone gave his slideshow with commentary that had half the room doubled over laughing and the other half demanding to be told what they'd missed by not joining that particular event; Lin sang the same thing she always sang but since she'd retired from a life of touring the world's leading opera houses, no one argued; Giovanni and Andrea passed around slices of their newest to-die-for cake, and people mingled and they said their goodbyes and that was that.

They did a last check of the apartment when they got home. They'd get breakfast at the airport, so the fridge and pantry were empty. All their clothes except what they had on and the things set aside for the next day were packed. They bathroom was empty except for those things they'd need in the morning. The dresser was cleared; the artwork they'd chosen to keep was packed safely in one suitcase, along with Hans and the few photos they'd printed and framed.

The bed had never been uncomfortable before, but it was impossible to find a good position that night. Furthermore, Loki knew the only reason he was hungry was because they didn't have anything to snack on, but knowing that didn't help anything.

"Can't sleep?" Thor whispered.

"I'm sorry. I can't stop thinking."

"It's okay. I can't either." Thor scooted closer, wrapping his arm around Loki's chest and pulling him close. Thor's breath was warm in Loki's hair as he spoke. "I meant it when I said one thing at a time, but it's hard not to think ahead."

"And I still don't know what I'm going to do about meeting them."

"It's okay. You don't have to know. And when you decide, I'll support you whatever you choose. You know what I want, but I can't even begin to guess what it's like for you."

It was the right thing to say. Far better than what most people would say, _I understand_ or _it'll be okay_ when one was patently false and the other was unknowable. They'd agreed _no more lies_ and it was a comfort that Thor was holding to it, even in moments like this.

"I know," Loki said softly.

He didn't remember falling asleep but the next thing he knew was Thor shaking him gently and saying, "It's time to wake up, Loki. It's time to get ready."

They spent forever in the shower as though it were possible to advance-clean before the grubbiness of travel, and packed their toothbrushes and sheet set (because they didn't really know what else to do with used unwashed sheets, and there was room in their luggage) and left their keys on the table in the entryway, and then they were gone.


	45. Chapter 45

Perhaps it would have felt less surreal had they reversed their course, taken another long series of trains and buses back the way they had come. As it was, the luxury they travelled in for their return was a near polar opposite to the slow, sweaty discomfort in which they had left. But maybe it was better, to feel that they were still moving _forwards._

The Chiang Mai airport was busy but not hectic. Bangkok was both. Between exhaustion and nerves, Loki was incredibly glad to be one of the first to board the plane to Tokyo.

"I know this had to be ridiculously expensive, Loki," Thor said as the flight attendant brought them cocktails to ease the wait while business and economy were boarded. "I would have been fine."

Loki, true to his _you can ask, but it doesn't mean I'll tell_ , had refused to answer how much the tickets cost. They were the last thing he'd bought before moving his money back to Switzerland and closing his local account. "You're still recovering. The doctor agreed with me that the more comfortable you could be on the planes, the better," he answered. He reached over and took Thor's drink. "And no booze for you."

Thor grinned at him. "Yes, sir."

Loki smiled back. "I like that. Keep it in mind for later."

And _later_ it would be - they had agreed to be sequestered upon their arrival in Chicago. There would be no _sir_ or anything else fun until the trial was over. They would have to soak up all the limited closeness they could get on the plane.

The arm rest between their seats was fixed, so they put a pillow on it and held hands the whole way to Tokyo.

Loki had planned an extra-long layover in Japan; he didn't know how tired Thor would be, and he didn't want him to have to hurry if he were already worn out. It gave them time to have a leisurely dinner, slurping bowls of noodles so different from those they'd eaten just the day before, and they still had over an hour to relax in the first-class lounge near their gate. They sipped green tea and nibbled on mochi and Loki tried not to think about the future while Thor could think of nothing else.

 

The flight to Chicago was nearly twelve hours. "Flying against the rotation of the earth is so much better," Thor sighed as they took their seats. "This is faster than LA to Beijing was."

"We should just always fly east from now on," Loki teased. "We can go to Vancouver via Berlin and Hong Kong."

Thor rolled his eyes and leaned over. "Sometimes you are _such_ a little brother," he whispered in Loki's ear.

"Am I being annoying? Tell me how you'll get back at me," Loki whispered back. The butterflies in his stomach were fluttering like mad and there really were few distractions in life equal to having Thor whispering filthy promises in his ear.

Thor was in the middle of describing something involving lots of soft rope when the safety announcements began. "Well, here we go," Thor said.

"Yeah. Here we go."

This plane had a different configuration, and they were able to raise the arm rest and sit next to each other. They started a movie - _The Martian_ , which was nice and long - and soon the flight attendant came by with lacquer trays for each of them, covered in small and beautifully designed snacks. They didn't really know what most of it was, but it was tasty, and as soon as their food was gone the trays were whisked away and replaced by flutes of champagne.

The cabin lights were turned low as they reached the middle of the movie. When it ended, Thor said, "I think I might try to sleep, unless you want to watch something else together."

"No. You're right, we should sleep."

Their seats reclined fully, and with a pillow stuffed into the gap between the headrests, they could almost cuddle.

 

Loki hadn't really expected to fall asleep, but he did. He woke to the smell of bacon and eggs and realized with a start that the familiar smell had become foreign. It tasted good, though, and even the coffee managed to be drinkable. He was in the middle of his third cup when they started the descent into O'Hare.

They had been told that there would be representatives from the court waiting at the gate, so they weren't surprised when two pairs of people - both men and women, and three different races, but somehow all of them looking identical, with their serious faces and sensible suits - approached them. "We're here to see you through security and to your hotel," one of the agents said.

"I was told I could see my family? They're waiting at baggage claim," Thor said.

"That has been cleared. But not for you," one said, turning to Loki.

"No. Not for me," Loki said.


	46. Chapter 46

It was impossible not to think about the last time they had flown in to O'Hare together. But where last time, Loki had tried desperately to find Thor, he now wanted just as much to avoid him. Or rather, to avoid seeing the family reunion that would occur when he got to the lower level to wait for his bags.

"I'd like to use the restroom," he told his handlers. "You go on ahead, Thor. I know you want to see them. I'll be fine."

Thor looked sad but accepting. "Okay. Just remember that even when I'm not with you, I'm _with_ you. And when this is over they'll all be locked up and we'll be together."

Loki nodded. "I know," he said.

"Please don't discuss the case," said one of the escorts. It was ridiculous, of course, but they didn't look like the sort to deviate from orders no matter how ridiculous.

Loki smiled at Thor. Thor smoothed the hair off Loki's cheek and was gone.

He spent longer in the restroom than he needed, washing his face, combing his hair, straightening his clothes. When he couldn't really put it off any longer, he nodded to the agent who had followed him in and they continued on down the long hallway. He was taken through an unmarked doorway when they got near customs. There were two people ahead of him, both of them in handcuffs.

" _Really_?" he said.

"Protocol. You're in protective custody, but it's still custody."

The customs agent asked only the briefest questions, seemingly taking the presence of the FBI as surety for allowing Loki back into the country before stamping his passport and sending them on their way.

Fortunately, Thor had already gotten his bags and gotten himself and the family out of the way before Loki arrived. With the escorts, there would be no mistaking who it was that Thor had been away with, and he didn't even want them looking at him yet.

It was _freezing_ outside. Loki had worn the same clothes he'd had on when they left - his jeans were far warmer than any of the pants he'd gotten made in Thailand - but clothes suitable for a Midwestern spring did nothing to protect him in January. He was hustled into a car that screamed G-man and then they were gliding through the slush-covered streets of Chicago.

"Will I be allowed to use my computer?" Loki asked.

"In your hotel?"

He nodded.

"Yes, but no internet."

"What if you watch me? I really need to order some winter clothes before I have to go back outside."

One of them - the one on the left, the only way to distinguish them - made a call. "You can shop while we watch."

The car pulled up at the back entrance of a hotel and they hurried inside. It was even colder in this alley, the wind whipping bitterly through the narrow spaces between the skyscrapers. They rode up the freight elevator and went to Loki's room.

At least it was a suite. Loki ignored them as he opened his bags and unpacked. They'd have to get used to it being warm, he thought, as he finished putting away his light linen clothes and turned up the heat. One of them sat next to him when he opened his laptop, her eyes never leaving the screen as he browsed store after store. There was really only so long he could shop, though, and when he closed his computer they took it away, opened it, and removed the wifi card.

"How many days until I'm called? Do you know?" he asked.

"At least two."

He nodded. Two days at least before he could even start, and who knew how long his questioning would take? At least he'd chosen express shipping, so he wouldn't show up in court in jeans and an old t-shirt, shivering half to death. The last thing he needed was to look scared.

 

Two days passed in television and room service and longing for Thor. On the evening of the second, one of them got a call. "You're to be ready at seven tomorrow," he was told.

It was impossible to sleep, knowing he'd have to face his father in the morning. The saving grace was that he would not need to make any attempt at hiding his utter revulsion. In the morning he showered and dressed methodically and found he needed no coffee; the adrenaline pumping through his veins was already more than enough to wake him up. He was in a fog as they went back down the service elevator, into the car, and almost before he knew it, they were at the courthouse.

The waiting room was cold and devoid of comfort. He sat in a hard plastic chair for an hour staring at a plain white wall before someone came to get him. He was led down a hallway with wooden panelling and worn linoleum, through a door and into a box, and then he was looking at his father and swearing to tell the truth.


	47. Chapter 47

“I’d gone into my brother’s office to ask him a question. He had his headphones in and didn’t hear me at first, and I saw something on his screen before he noticed me and closed the tab. I didn’t realize what it was at first. I only saw it for a couple of seconds. But the way he hid it so fast, it made me curious, and I kept thinking about it. I don’t think it was until the next day that I realized what it was, that it was tracking children. I knew that our activities weren’t laudable, but I had no idea that there was anything this bad. I couldn’t let it go on, but I didn’t know how to stop it. Angrboda made sure that dad had access to everyone’s work, but we couldn’t see each other's. Probably trying to avoid things like this happening. I had to do something, so I decided to find someone who could get in to the system and get enough evidence. I found out there was a bunch of hackers meeting in Berlin, and I hadn’t been on vacation in a while. It was easy to say I wanted a little time off. I hung around the conference hall, and the second day I saw a guy give a talk… he seemed nice, and he was from Chicago, so I went up to him after his presentation. I told him what I thought I’d seen, and he didn’t give up until he got it. But he must have triggered something – I don’t know how they knew, but they did – I got a phone call that our records had been broken into. So he sent copies of the files to a bunch of law enforcement and we ran.”

He didn't look at the audience, not even for a second. _They_ had to be there, watching. Even if Thor weren't going to be testifying, with their own family history, of course they would be there. Nor did he look at the jury. He desperately wanted to know how they were reacting – were they sympathetic? Or would they focus on that _our activities weren’t laudable_ and were now viewing him as a criminal as well? – but he kept his eyes on the prosecutor, as he had been told to do. He watched the prosecutor stand to begin his questioning.

“Was this what you saw?” he asked without preamble, picking up a stack of paper labelled _Exhibit C_ and handing it to Loki.

He took it and nodded. “It is.” He handed it back.

“in the interest of full transparency, would you please tell the jury what your own participation in the family business consisted of?”

Loki had been told this would happen as well; they didn’t want to let the defense have any _gotcha_ moments. Better to lay all his cards out. “I blackmailed corrupt law enforcement and politicians. I found evidence and for a price I kept quiet.”

“I see. And is this why you choose to mail the files and flee the country, rather than handing them in directly?”

“Partly. I was worried about retaliation, and the person who got into the system was worried about being charged for the hacking.”

“So why are you here now?”

“We were told that our testimony was crucial in obtaining a conviction.”

“And so you agreed to come back. Tell me, have you been offered full immunity in return for your testimony?”

_And there it was._ “No, I have not.”

“But you decided to return and risk prosecution yourself, because of how strongly you believed in the accused’s guilt.”

“Yes.”

“Thank you. No further questions, your honor.”

The defense attorney rose. This would be interesting. What Loki wouldn’t have given to be a fly on the wall when his father met with him. “Isn’t it true that you became romantically involved with this hacker?”

“Yes, it is.” Not that Loki had known what to expect, but that wasn't it. At least this would be interesting.

“You were obsessed with him, in fact, weren't you?"

"Objection, your honor. This has no relevance to the case," the prosecutor interrupted.

"I am merely trying to establish the facts of the witness' motivation," explained the defense attorney.

"I will allow it, but don't push your luck, Mr. Thompson," the judge told him.

"Were you obsessed with him?"

"We became involved quickly, but no, I would not call it obsession. As we became involved, I continued to carry out all the duties my father had given me." Loki stared at his father, daring him to say just what those duties were.

"My client has a long and public history of benevolence. His entirely legal company has always been a patron of the arts and a sustainer of several programs for underprivileged-"

The prosecutor objected again.

"At least let him get to his question, Mr. Richards," the judge said, a tinge of annoyance in his voice.

"Thank you, your honor," Thompson said. He somehow managed to look greasier every minute.

In fact, you were jealous of how much money your father was giving away and you decided that you and your lover would fake a bunch of records so you could get the money for yourself, didn’t you?”

Loki blinked. Of all the attacks he’d anticipated, this was not among them, though in truth, he couldn’t think of any solid charge they could make without admitting that Loki had been sent to trap Thor and eventually have him killed. “No, not at all. And now that you’ve seen how much money my father was really bringing in, you’ll see how little he actually gave. And really, now that you’ve seen what else he was doing, maybe someone should take another look into any missing children associated with the charities which he financially supported.”

He was still being careful not to look at the jury, but he could hear them fidgeting, heard one of them give a quiet gasp. He just kept his eyes on the attorney before him who was now visible deflating.

“No further questions, your honor.”

Loki looked over to Richards as he stood. “The prosecution rests.”

And with that, he was dismissed.


	48. Chapter 48

The agents were there waiting for him when he left the courtroom. "When does Thor go?" Loki asked as he let himself be led away.

"This afternoon," he was told.

"I want to wait here, then. I want to see him when it's done."

"This was only the first trial. You're to be sequestered until they're done. You did sign a consent form."

"But I've already said everything. Why keep us apart now that there's a record of our testimony?" he protested. The worst part was that he did remember signing a bunch of forms. There had been so much back-and-forth, so much discussion in unfamiliar terms, so much of _everything_ that at some point he'd just stopped taking it in and just signing whatever Thor signed, and Thor had signed based on whatever Baldr said. Neither of them had been willing to give up any more of their last hours in paradise than was absolutely necessary.

He didn't get an answer to his question. He was simply told to hurry. "The car is waiting for us and it's holding up traffic."

Loki sighed and walked faster. They were almost to the exit when the heavy brass doors swung open and there was Thor. He had agents on either side of him, too, and he was guided towards the metal detector, away from Loki, but no one could stop them from looking at each other. Thor met his eyes and raised his hand in greeting. Loki tried to smile as he waved back. It was only a moment before they were past, but it was enough to keep going a little longer.

And when they got outside, there was almost no traffic on the small side street where their car waited. He glanced at the one who had told him to hurry and saw a tiny smile quirking her lips. Maybe they weren't all _exactly_ the same.

 

Knowing that helped for maybe five minutes, tops. "Can we just see each other? Even if we don't talk? Just let him come over for dinner and you can watch us and we won't say a word." _Sorry, no._ "How long are these next trials supposed to take?" _It depends._ "Can't you see that I can't take much more of this?" He didn't ask that one out loud, but it seemed to be the one they heard. An hour later there was a knock on his door. One of the agents opened it and let in a woman in a suit several steps above those his guards were wearing. She had long brown hair held neatly back and moved with brisk efficiency. "Mr. Laufeyson. I'm Agent Hill," she said, holding out her hand.

"I didn't think I'd meet you," he said.

"I wanted to thank you in person. The number of arrests on my orders... well, it's safe to say that our country is a little bit safer and my career is made."

"In that order of importance?" he asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"If I didn't hold them in that order of importance, I would have been one of your blackmail targets long ago."

Her voice was wry, and it made him like her. "Are you allowed to answer my questions?"

"Maybe not everything, but more than your security detail."

"You said a little bit safer. How dangerous is this? Should Thor and I disappear again when these trials are done?"

"There's too much going on for any one bust to do more than a little bit, but that doesn't mean it's not big. After your father's trial is completed, you'll be called to testify against Helblindi and Angrboda, and then you'll be released. We expect that to be done within the next three weeks. But that's just the beginning. I have nearly a hundred more people awaiting trial who were arrested based on the evidence the two of you provided. Everyone who ever received a payment related to this case has been identified. Twelve were already in prison on other charges, three have been killed. There are only four we haven't found, all of them in the southwest. We believe they've been tipped off and fled to Mexico. All in all, I would say that you are much safer now than when you were making a living off shady cops."

"I didn't have anyone to protect before," he said. "And what about all of them? They have to have it in for me."

Her face went taut. "Strangely, your records seem to be missing from both the files sent to me and those retrieved by our forensics team. Almost like someone was protecting _you_."

He sat silent, waiting. He knew this game, going silent until the other person felt compelled to fill it in.

At last she heaved a sigh. "Still, you've both been granted immunity from anything to do with that, so it's a dead end for me. I don't like dead ends."

"No one does."

"No." She paused. "As much as they have it in for you - which I'm sure they do - and as much as cops will defend other cops... you risked a lot to come back and put away some of the lowest of the low. I think they know if they turn on you, they can't count on their buddies backing them up this time."

"So that's the safest I'm going to get."

"I assume you still have whatever it was you held over them."

He gave a noncommittal shrug.

She grinned and rose to her feet. "I guessed as much. I know this is rough now, but when it's over... you really will be done."


	49. Chapter 49

_Done_ sounded like an impossible dream, he thought that night as he stared at the ceiling instead of sleeping. The hotel didn't have black-out curtains, and the orange glow of the streetlights kept the room too bright for his liking. And he had three more weeks of this. Maybe more, if Hill was wrong.

And anyway, when this was done that was still only the beginning. There was still the other stuff to figure out. Thor wanted him to meet them, wanted them all to be one big happy family. It was hard to see him as anything other than painfully naïve. The truth was that they probably hated Loki already for putting Thor into this sort of danger. They had to have been there in the courtroom - with their history, there was no way they would have missed a trial like this one, even if Thor weren't involved - and they'd heard what he said. _I used to blackmail. I found a hacker who seemed nice... he was from Chicago._ That was what they would remember about him. A petty criminal who dragged their golden child into a mess that made him flee for his life. _Predatory scum,_ that's what they would think of him. And really, how wrong would they be?

 

Breakfast was eggs Benedict. Again. It was good, but the food in this hotel was for people on vacations, not people who were trapped in their rooms for weeks on end. "I need to use the gym," he said abruptly. "You have to let me use the gym. You heard her yesterday. I'm going to be stuck in here almost a month. You get to rotate out and go... do whatever it is you do."

To his surprise, they agreed easily. "We'll go with you, of course, and it will have to be scheduled so that the two of you aren't there at the same time, but you can go."

Thor must have asked already. It must have already been decided. But for this pair to know... "Are you sometimes Thor's guards?" he asked.

"We rotate postings to reduce the risk of personal involvement."

That was a yes, it had to be. "How is he?" 

Nothing. 

"Oh, come _on._ I'm not asking you to pass notes in the middle of study hall. I just want to know how he is."

"Lonely. He talks to us more than you do."

That made him smile, a little. "I believe you."

They let him go that afternoon. No one else was in the room, leaving him his pick of machines. There were no free weights - Thor wouldn't like that, he thought, Thor always preferred them to weight machines - so he went to the treadmill, hoping he might fine traces of Thor's warmth lingering in the handrails, but he didn't.

He ran and ran.

 

He had thought he might sleep better for the exercise, but he didn't. The traffic purred its way through the streets far below, teasing in its contentment. The more time he had to think, the worse off he was, and _thinking_ was what kept him awake, kept him thinking more. After the things he had done, would being their _long-lost son_ be enough? He'd spent his life working with the people who had ruined theirs, after all. No, they would hate him. They would hate him, and each day it became harder to trust that when it came time to choose, Thor would pick him instead.

He went back to the gym the next day, and the day after, letting burning lungs and screaming muscles distract him for as long as he was permitted to stay. That set the pattern for his half-life here: losing himself in the day, fall back into his own vicious mind at night. His guards started looking worried, frowning at the circles under his eyes that were darker every morning, suggesting that he sit in the sauna instead of spending so long on the rowing machine.

He barely even slept better after they told him that his father had been convicted on all but two charges, and was facing a minimum of twelve life sentences without parole. And two days later, he was putting his suit back on to go sit in that cold barren room until it was time to go sit in the wooden box and stare now at his brother.

Helblindi had a different lawyer. No surprise there - he could hardly be expected to continue with the same defense attorney that had failed their father so completely - and this one had chosen a different tack. Where Farbauti had looked angry, Helblindi looked hurt.

"Did you even consider the possibility that your brother was being used, just like you were?" Hel's lawyer asked when it was his turn to cross-examine.

"I have no doubt that he was. But it doesn't mean that what he did wasn't wrong," Loki said levelly.

"My client has already testified that the day you found him looking at the incriminating records, he had been simply poking around out of curiosity, and the reason he closed it so quickly was because you had caught him looking at something you knew he wasn't supposed to see."

Loki snorted. "There's no way he saw anything he wasn't meant to. My dad's computer security person used multiple layers of top-level encryption, and Helblindi isn't that smart. He didn't see anything he wasn't supposed to see. And if it weren't for him being careless, I wouldn't have, either."

"How are we to know that you weren't the one committing these crimes, and are now framing him to protect yourself?"

Helblindi had been trained well, nodding along and looking wounded.

"If I were acting in self-preservation, I wouldn't have come back to the States for this trial."

Helblindi got eighty years, with no chance of parole for sixty. Knowing that didn't help him sleep any better at all. Angrboda's trial started and Loki began to think of what to do when this was all over. Thor was going to leave him. He should have known that all along; he had been distracted, drunk on their closeness, and foolishly let himself believe that there was a way they could be together.

The night before he was to appear in court for the final time, they told him that once he was finished he was free to go. He packed his things before bed. As soon as he got back, he would grab his bags and be gone. He had been such a child, to ever hope that there could be a future with Thor. Now it was time to put away fairy tales and live the rest of his life.


	50. Chapter 50

   He wasn't taken to the courthouse until after lunch this time, but when he got there at least he didn't get stuck waiting in that same worn and sterile room he'd come to know too well. Instead he was ushered straight to the courtroom and into the witness box. 

   "We've already heard from Ms. Eisenberg that while she handled computer security for the firm, she had no involvement in any of its transactions, and she had no way of knowing the nature of the enterprise," Richards said. He was lead prosecutor on all three trials. It had to be exhausting, but he was up for reelection and this was the sort of thing that would make or break a campaign. "Would you agree with that assessment?" 

   "No, not at all. Along with keeping our servers secure, she got into other systems as needed. She even got into your records once, trying to find a weakness in your office. And she regularly brought me reports on bank transactions, and I saw her giving the same sort of thick folders to my father and brother." 

   After Richards said he had no further questions, the defense attorney rose and took the floor. 

   The questions were different this time. They barely tried at all to pin things on Loki. No.  

   This time they were trying to pin things on Thor. 

   "Is it not true that you fled the country with Thor Odinson, who knew my client while they were in college together?" 

   "Yes. That's true." 

   "Did he ever happen to tell you that the two of them had been in a relationship, and when she broke things off, he swore that one day he would get back at her?" 

   Loki blinked. "No. He didn't tell me that." 

   "I see. Did he happen to tell you that he was one of the few people - perhaps the only person - capable of breaking her work?" 

   "No, he didn't." 

   "And that if he could break her work, he could mimic it? Build something incriminating into coding she had designed to be purely innocuous?" 

   "No," Loki said.  

   "And did you ever see the contents of those folders she delivered to others?" 

   "No." 

   "So the only crimes you know for a fact she committed were those done at your instigation." 

   "Yes, but-" 

   "No further questions." 

   

   The lawyer's words echoed in his head the whole way back to the hotel. Thor, in a relationship with Angrboda? True, she was smart and quick-witted and had strikingly good looks... Loki could hardly say that she wasn't Thor's type. But it had come as a shock to hear. It wasn't that he expected Thor not to have had a life before Loki entered it, but that much overlapping was something else entirely.  

   _Not that it mattered,_ he told himself sternly. Thor was in the past now and that was where he had to stay. Loki was just going to go up to his room, pick up his bags while the agents took care of the room bill, and he was going to ride the elevator back down and walk right past them and go away.  

   He hadn't quite planned where yet. For now, there was another hotel a block away, and he would stay there while he figured things out.  They'd put the wifi card back in his computer, so once he had his new place he could start looking. He'd been happy in Chiang Mai. That was a starting point. There was no going back there, of course, but there had to be more places like that. Enjoyable, affordable places with other people who had chosen fun and freedom over the drudgery of home.  

   The elevators doors slid open with a loud chime and Loki stepped out. His room was down a long hallway and to the right. The carpet was thick and hid the sound of footfalls, and he padded silently back to where he turned.  

   Thor was standing there, leaning against the door with his eyes closed. He looked thinner, and his hair had grown, and he stood between Loki and everything Loki still owned in the world. He hadn't even taken his wallet with him. _Before,_ he could have turned and run. A lost wallet meant little enough back then. But now all the people who could take care of it were in prison, sent there by his own words. He couldn't run. He could only stand there and try to breathe as Thor opened his eyes and said, "Hi, baby." 

       


	51. Chapter 51

"You're here," Loki said stupidly.

Thor nodded. "I testified before you this time." He pulled away from the door, straightening his spine with a sigh. "I've been waiting here ever since I got back. I was afraid you might disappear."

Loki elected to go for bluster. "Why would you think that?"

Thor approached him, reaching up to smooth his hair back from his face and fuck, he couldn't help nestling his cheek into Thor's warm palm. "Because I know you," Thor said gently. "You've had way too much time to think and not nearly enough of me reminding you that my heart can only ever belong to you."

And then Thor's lips were on his, so soft at first, and then not soft at all and he was pulling Loki towards the door and Loki was fumbling with the key card, letting them in entirely by feel and it slammed shut as Thor tugged him into the bedroom.

It wasn't even sex, not really. Or not entirely. It was taking all he had consigned to memory and bringing it back to life, resurrecting it phoenix-like from the ashes of his own merciless thoughts.

He was barely aware of Thor drawing his clothes away, but the hands and lips that followed were vivid, each touch set in the most gloriously sharp relief. Thor loved him with caresses and whispers and kisses until the past weeks of agonizing doubt were utterly forgotten.

"You're still so dressed," Loki murmured. Thor had settled onto his side and had one blissfully thick arm draped over Loki's waist, holding him close as they kissed and kissed.

"What are you going to do about it?" Thor teased.

"I suppose I could chew your clothes off, but that would take a long time," Loki said, raising a contemplative eyebrow. "And burning them seems likely to injure you."

"I guess you're just going to have to use your hands." Thor heaved a loud sigh.

Loki rose to his knees, laughing. "Sit up," he said. "I can't get that shirt off with you pinning it down."

Thor sat up, his gaze heavy on Loki's face as Loki ran his hands down the line of buttons, undoing them swiftly and shoving the shirt away. "I like how tight this is, but it still has to go," Loki said, tracing a fingertip over Thor's undershirt. Thor raised his arms obediently and Loki pulled it off. He was going to undo Thor's slacks but Thor gathered him back into his arms, skin to skin, and Loki couldn't help the sob that escaped his throat, this was _right,_ this was _so right,_ how could he have forgotten-

"Sssh, sssh," Thor soothed, stroking his hair. "That's over now."

"I just want _everything_ to be over," Loki said.

"I know. Me, too."

"What happens if we tell them and they can't handle it?" Loki asked.

"I will choose you," Thor said simply. "I will always choose you."

Yes, of course he would. They were a pair, and Loki would not let himself forget again. He drew away from Thor's embrace to loosen his belt and slacks and draw them away, taking his slimly clinging blue boxers with them. "You wore these our first time together," Loki said.

"Tony brought some of my clothes for me. These got in there by pure luck," Thor said.

"I like them. But I like them better off."

"I can't imagine why," Thor said. He spoke offhandedly, but his cock was lying thick and heated against his belly and his eyes burned over Loki's skin as Loki leaned down and pressed his lips to it. Thor gasped, his head falling back and his cock bouncing gently at the attention. Whisper-soft kisses were followed by greedy wet ones around the shaft, working his way slowly upwards until he reached the tip and slid down. It was heavy on his tongue and tasted lightly of salt and musk and he took more and more, pacing himself and careful to keep his breathing even, until thick, dark-gold curls tickled at his lips.

He sucked rapturously, his gaze skimming up Thor's body. The pillow had shifted up towards the headboard, and it tilted Thor's face forwards, giving him a hint of a ridiculously endearing double chin. Loki could feel his own eyes crinkle in the smile his lips couldn't make.

"Oh, Loki, that's-"

"Mmmm," Loki agreed. He eased back to tease at the slit with his tongue, lips tight around the thick head. His fingers drew lacy patterns on the insides of Thor's thighs and up, over his balls and across the smooth patch of skin behind them. He didn't move again until his mouth grew salty and the precum was thick beneath his tongue. Then he drew away, his mouth open and a long, glistening thread shimmering between his bottom lip and Thor's cock.

"Fuck, I love it when you do that," Thor breathed.

The delicate strand at last broke, leaving a thin line shining across Thor's leg. Loki leaned down and followed it with the tip of his tongue until he had Thor in his mouth again, bobbing his head and sucking intently now. Thor's hands came up to tangle in his hair, holding him in place as his hips began to jerk, thrusting helplessly into the slick heat that welcomed him so completely.

Thor came with a soft, broken moan that seemed to go on forever. It was low and warm and rich and Loki wished he could bottle it and keep it always. He didn't move away until Thor was beginning to soften between his lips.

"Come up here," Thor asked, tugging at him weakly.

Loki crawled up the bed and curled up next to him. "Not too out of practice?" he teased. Thor laughed and tilted his head up for a kiss. Loki leaned down and met it, opening before Thor's probing tongue. _He's tasting himself in me,_ Loki thought with a shudder of pleasure.

"If anything, even better for the wait. Not that I want us to wait so long ever again. As soon as I can move I'm going to have you seeing stars."

"Shit, the room!" Loki realized, jolting up. "I was supposed to get my bags and go."

"It's okay. I stopped at the desk and told them to start charging it to my card."

He sank back into Thor's embrace. "Oh. Good. I don't want to let you out of this bed for days."

"That sounds like heaven."

 

In the morning, Loki relented on it, but only slightly. Just enough to wash and eat. They showered (together, of course, and for so long it was a miracle they didn't use up the entire hotel's hot water supply) and ordered room service breakfasts. Maybe twenty minutes after placing the call there was a knock on the door and Thor opened it, expecting their food.

Outside stood two police officers. "Thor Odinson? Officers Jacobs and Bosco, Chicago PD," one of them said as they both held up their badges. "We'd like to ask you and Mr. Laufeyson to come in for questioning."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was mean. I know, and I'm sorry.


	52. Chapter 52

"Are we under arrest?" Thor asked.

"Just some questions, sir. Is Mr. Laufeyson here?"

"I'm here," Loki said, rising from the sofa. So much for Hill's _this is the safest you've ever been._ He'd had one night. _One_ night. At least they'd had that. He didn't remember these two, but he had taken money from so many. It was impossible to remember them all. "Please don't hurt him, he had nothing to do with it."

They looked at him with expressions far more confused than he'd expected, but before they could answer, Thor spoke. "I'd like to call our lawyer," he told them.

Bosco nodded. "You can tell him to meet you at the DA's office." _Oh_. That was... not the response he'd expected. Loki felt the tightness in his chest relax just a little.

"I'd like to give him your badge numbers," Thor told them as he picked up the phone. They held them out again. Loki could hear the ringing. _Come on, come on, pick up,_ he urged silently.

After what felt like forever, Baldr answered. "I need you to meet us at the DA's office. We're being taken in for questioning," Thor said. "Do you have a pen and paper?" After a pause, he read off the names and numbers from the badges and Loki relaxed a little more. He was more used to numbers being hidden - badges refused, sleeve patches covered up - not shared openly. Especially not with lawyers. 

He didn't let himself relax too much, though, not even once they pulled up in front of the courthouse and were taken to a new floor, down a hall to the office where Richards waited for them.

"Ah, gentlemen. Please, come in," he said, holding the door open.

They went in and sat down. "We're waiting for our lawyer," Thor told him.

Richards smiled and took the chair - larger, higher - behind his desk. "Of course you are."

They sat silently in wait. Loki found himself bizarrely grateful for his father's training; he relaxed his body and kept his face light and easy. Cool as a cucumber. No one needed to know how fast his heart was racing, or how hard it was to breathe. He gave an ostentatious yawn, because he could.

"I'm so sorry to be boring you," Richards said. "I'm ready to begin at any time, of course."

"Oh, no. We'd hate for you to feel rushed. But the officers arrived before our breakfasts. Perhaps you could find some coffees, while we wait?"

Loki could see Thor struggling to contain his smile. Thor was making no effort to join the discussion, content to let Loki hold the lead in what was clearly more his milieu than Thor's. It felt good, feeling Thor's trust like this.

Richards looked sour, but he leaned forwards and pushed a button on his desk phone.

"I like black with sugar, and Thor takes cream," Loki said before Richards could speak. He knew this was serious - the steel hand around his chest had barely even begun to ease its grip - but some things were too much a part of his nature to let them go.

"Baldr takes both," Thor said quickly. _God, I love him,_ Loki thought.

The DA's face soured further, but he spoke into his intercom and in a few minutes a tray of coffees was brought in.

Baldr arrived when their styrofoam cups were nearly empty, and they had drunk slowly. It was the first time Loki had seen him in person. His hair was darker than Thor's, with strands of blond woven into the brown, and though he was older than Thor he looked like he still hadn't quite shed his baby fat. Until this moment, Loki hadn't fully grasped the fact that this questioning was, in fact, the first time he would meet another family member. Baldr's words from that phone call rang in his ears. _I remember when he was taken. You're not the only one who lost a brother, Thor._ He wondered how Baldr would feel if he found out who Loki was. Whether he would still be looking at Loki with that look of concealed disdain.

"I'd appreciate doing this quickly," Baldr said. "I've already cancelled three appointments at the last minute, I'd prefer not to cancel any more."

"Of course. Time is precious for people who bill by the hour," Richards said smoothly.

Baldr didn't take the bait. "Might we begin?" he prompted.

Richards nodded and rose and then, strangely, dragged his chair out from behind his desk, so that it was in line with the three of them. He stepped back behind it, typed something, tapped the mouse a couple of times, and swiveled the monitor to face them. He circled back around and took his chair as they waited for the white noise filling the screen to resolve into an image. When it did, they saw a view of a doorway, seen from high above. Part of the frame was intermittently covered by what looked like a piece of cloth, blowing in the breeze. There was a sign above the door, but the angle was too steep to make out the words.

After perhaps a minute of it, Baldr asked, "Did you have any _questions_ for my clients?"

"Just a moment. We're almost... ah. Yes," Richards said just as a figure entered the screen. A tall man, slim, with long dark hair worn back from his face. He stood idly on the pavement as a stack of suitcases were piled next to him and a bellhop came out and loaded them onto a cart.

"I was simply fascinated by your story of travelling to Berlin and finding the perfect person to help you," Richards said. "Everything seemed to happen with quite remarkable ease. So I contacted the Berlin police, who were kind enough not only to confirm that one of their street cameras had a view of your hotel's entrance, but were also good enough to send a copy of the footage for the entire week you were there. I was fascinated to discover that the only times you appear were when you first arrived - which we have just seen - and again when you left to return to the airport. You did not go in or out once, your entire time there."

"Do you have questions?" Baldr asked again.

"Only one." Richards turned to Loki and Thor. "You do remember agreeing that you would be immune to all prosecution except for perjury, don't you?"


	53. Chapter 53

Loki could feel the tension singing through his muscles, but he stayed silent, waiting for Baldr to take the lead now. They had wandered away from Loki's grounds into the unfamiliar.

Baldr laughed.

"You find this amusing?" Richards demanded.

"Well, you see, Mr. Richards, I don't think you're going to prosecute my clients," Baldr said, leaning casually back in his chair.

"You don't? And why would that be?"

Baldr turned to look at them. "Well, for a start, they're both very handsome men. Those really are the sort of faces that get a lot of attention, don't you think? Imagine how many people would stop and look at a poster with those two faces on it. And then just think if they read the text beneath. _These men risked everything to help break up a ring of child kidnappers. Now Thomas Richards wants to send them to prison too._ I bet that would be a pretty effective poster for your opponent, and I don't think you're willing to risk this election over it."

"I also successfully prosecuted the leaders of that ring, don't forget."

"Oh, I won't. But the public has such a short attention span, I've found. Haven't you?" Baldr smiled amiably.

While Baldr sat impassive, they watched a thousand moods between irritation and fury pass over Richards' face until at last he settled on grim determination. "Thank you for coming in," he said.

The three of them rose, Baldr leading them out the door after shaking the DA's hand. It wasn't until the door closed behind them that he released his hold on himself. "Thor, may I speak to you privately?" Baldr asked. His voice was trembling with half-contained rage.

Thor looked at Loki. "No. No, I don't think so," he said.

"Fine, then I'll say it in front of him. You disappear for months, and when you come back we get to see you for ten minutes before you're hidden away for almost another month, and when you're finally released, all we get is a text saying that you'll see us soon? You're smart, Thor, you're really smart, but you act before you think. I can't keep bailing you out of things, not while you have yourself tied up with something like this," he hissed, waving his arm at Loki. "A professional blackmailer who worked with a kidnapping ring. Don't try to tell me that your interest in this case was just to do good. I have friends in Richards' office, I know how far back their activities went. These are probably the same people who took Loptr, you know that as well as I do, and now I find out that your inside connection didn't _connect_ with you over getting them caught. What, he was hot so you didn't ask questions until it was too late?"

"That doesn't matter now," Thor said quietly.

Baldr stared at him in horror. "Do you even hear yourself?" He shook his head. "I can't believe this is you talking. Do you have cab money?"

Thor nodded.

"Then I don't need to spend another second in your presence. Good." He turned on his heel and stalked away down the hall. It was beige and dingy and echoed with his footsteps.

 

Their breakfasts were waiting for them when they got back, cold and rubbery oatmeal that looked good only next to the colder, more rubbery eggs. They had ridden back in silence, not wanting to talk where others could hear.

"I'm sorry," Loki said when the door shut behind them.

Thor sighed. "It's not your fault. He doesn't understand, that's all."

"But it's decided now, isn't it?"

"What is?" Thor kicked off his shoes and stabbed at a quivering yolk like it was to blame for all his troubles.

"You have to tell them. I wasn't sure before, but now you have to."

"I'm not going to do it without your okay."

"They're important to you. I can't really say that I understand how that feels, but I believe it. And you're important to me. So you have to tell them."

Thor took his hands. "Thank you," he said sincerely. "This means so much to me."

Loki nodded. "I know. Call your mom and set up a time, and then we'll take a bath and forget for a while."

"And about you meeting them...?"

"I don't know yet. Can I wait and see how it goes?"

"That's fair. But you promise you'll wait here for me? I'll come back whether they can deal with things or not, I swear."

"I promise."

Loki sat next to Thor on the sofa as he picked up the hotel phone - their old phones had been shut off while they were away, and they hadn't been allowed to reactivate them - and called his parent's house. Their parent's house. He reached over and took Thor's hand as it rang.

"Hi Mom."

Loki could hear a woman's voice, excited, maybe angry, but couldn't make out her words.

"I know. I'm sorry, I had things I had to do... yeah, I know he's mad at me. Look, I miss you, and I need to talk to everybody. Can you get everyone over to the house tomorrow?... No, I can't today, there's some stuff I have to take care of... sure. Tomorrow at ten. I'll be there. I love you."

Thor hung up the phone and took a deep breath, blew it out hard. His hands were shaking.

"Are you alright?" Loki asked.

"I thought this would be the end. I thought we'd get the family stuff settled and we'd be done. But now with this perjury thing, what if he just waits until after the election? It's starting to feel like we'll never be _done_."

“He can’t really do that, you know. Not without risking all those convictions. Baldr knew it, too. That's why he made light of it talking about the campaign.”

Loki could see the realization strike. “Then why go through all that? You’re right, of course, but I don’t understand.”

Loki understood. _To show us that he could._ “To make things more difficult. He couldn’t charge us, but he could make trouble between you and your brother.”

“That’s… that’s a really shitty thing to do.”

"Come on. Hot water'll make you feel better," Loki said.

"You'll make me feel better," Thor answered.


	54. Chapter 54

Loki had thought he would be the nervous one. Not to say he wasn't nervous, of course, but after Baldr's explosion back at the courthouse, it was starting to look like this would actually prove to be harder on Thor. And he was the one who had to face them. The one who had to tell them.

It meant that when they got into the tub, Loki was the one who needed to do the distracting. It was big, and though he would have killed for some flower petals to float on top, he couldn't argue with the air jets that were _perfectly_ positioned all around them. They started out cuddling, but it was never difficult to draw Thor into kisses, and from there it just took a well-aimed shoe to turn the jets on and soon he had Thor shaking and moaning against him as he slowly coaxed Thor's body to open for him.

Thor sank down onto him, settling on his lap. Their movements were slow and easy, rocking, rocking. It made it last forever, filling the bitter time with something sweet. Thor twisted around in Loki's embrace, eager for kisses, his wet hand tangled in Loki's hair. Loki's hands roamed over every inch of wet slippery skin, never letting go.

They came together, clouding the churning water and drinking each other's cries like wine.

"No," Loki said when Thor reached for the level to start the shower. "I don't want to rinse off."

The look Thor gave him then... it was soft and sharp and hungry and sated and utterly, completely pure, and if Loki had any remaining doubts, he didn't anymore.

 

They went out for dinner, torn between desperately wanting to stay in bed and desperately needing to be out of that hotel for a little while. Neither had any particular place in mind; it was enough to bundle up and walk through the slush-filled streets together until something looked good.

They wound up at a Thai place. Even if they couldn't run back, they could at least pretend for a while. The server complimented them on their pronunciation when they placed their orders.

"We lived in Chiang Mai for a few months," Thor explained, giving Loki a fond look.

"We liked it very much," Loki said.

"I've never been there. I'm from the south, but I've heard that it's beautiful."

"It is. Orchids everywhere."

It was easy to get lost in reminiscing. Thor's drunken noodles were a dead ringer for those from their favorite cart at the night market, and Loki's curry was rich with coconut and bright with peppers. When those were gone, their server brought them desserts that weren't on the menu.

 

"What do I _say_?" Thor asked when they got back to the room.

"There's two ways you can go. You can say you found me and then tell them about us, or you tell them about us and then tell them who I am."

Thor nodded. "What do you think is better?"

"I don't know them."

"No." Thor sighed. "Maybe it's best to tell it like it happened."

"Though... they'll have to know it's me you're talking about. They must hate me now, after everything I said on the stand. I wasn't the worst, but still."

"What? No, Loki... didn't you look at the observers?"

"I didn't want to. I didn't want to face them before I had to."

"The courtroom was closed, due to the nature of the case. Baldr is the only one who knows any more than that we had to escape together because we had helped bust a trafficking ring, and he won't have told them anything he heard in privilege."

Loki let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. "So they aren't going into this already hating me?"

"No," Thor said, laughing gently. "All of them except Baldr, it's quite the opposite."

"Oh." It didn't make this _easy_ , but compared to what he'd feared, everything he'd dreaded these past few weeks... it was better. A lot better.

"I'll go and I'll tell them I met someone. I'll tell them I fell in love."

 

Loki walked Thor to the El and stood below until his train rattled away. He had to get on over an hour before the family gathering; the house was out in the suburbs, and the nearest station was a fifteen-minute drive.

It was impossible to sit still, impossible to do anything besides pace the room and ignore the tv he'd turned on in a vain hope of distraction. He paced and paced and watched the clock.

Nine-forty. He was getting off the train. Nine-forty-five, getting a cab. And then it was ten, and he was there. Did he still have a key, or would he have to knock? Or would they be watching for him and spilling out the door into the snow to hug him that much sooner?

It was easier to focus on the minutia. Think about all of the little things rather than his racing heart and sweating palms. Thor's hair was longer than when they left. He was pretty sure it was blonder, too, lightened by so much time beneath the tropical sun. His eyes looked bright blue but actually they were pale blue with lots of dark blue flecks and he looked so happy when they settled on Loki's face.

The walls in here were textured and painted cream. The trim was gold and brown and it matched the tall, slender vase that held a branch of pussy willows. They were fake, but a good quality fake, the soft buds made of plush velvet. He ran his thumb over one. Ten-o-three. Fuck.

The knock at the door made him jump. He hadn't noticed Thor's room key lying about, and by that point -twenty after twelve - he'd been over the room well enough to know, but maybe it had fallen out of his pocket somewhere. He dashed to the door to find a housekeeper, standing there with her cart.

"No, we don't need it today, thank you," he said.

How he survived the wait was a mystery, but time plodded on, as it will. He was gazing blankly out the window when he heard a card dip into the lock.

Thor looked... exhausted, exhilarated. "They want to meet you," he said.

Loki swallowed hard. "I don't know if I can do this. I'm not ready-"

"Think how much you want everything to be over," Thor soothed. "Just this one last thing and it's all done."

"I know that. It's not the same as being ready."

"Trust me, I understand. Every single stop on the way there, I wanted to jump off my train and get the next one straight back. But it went okay, and we're so close now. Loki, we're so close. We just have to do this one last thing."


	55. Chapter 55

Thor got Loki’s coat - black like Thor's, but longer, and more narrowly cut - out of the small closet by the door. Loki let Thor put it on him, followed by his hat. Thor held out his gloves. "I don't think I can put these on you very well," he grinned.

Loki took them and put them on. "You'll tell me what you told them? What they said?"

"I'll tell you everything on the way there. I left Mom's car at a meter, and I didn't have much change. We should go."

He let Thor take his hand and they went to the elevator. It had just three people but they were carrying what seemed like six people's worth of suitcases, but they managed to fit inside. The sidewalk, when they got outside, was nearly as busy as the elevator had been, and they had to walk single-file to the car.

"This is it," Thor said, stopping by a small Honda. It wasn't particularly new, but it was well-maintained, and despite the years of salt it must have endured, no rust marred its soft aqua paint. He unlocked it and circled to the driver's seat while Loki opened the passenger door to find a small bag on the seat. "Mom sent you a sandwich."

"A sandwich?" Loki repeated, half-dazed, as he picked it up and got inside.

"That's mom for you. She apologized for it just being peanut butter, she was trying to hurry."

"That's... that was nice of her." Loki twisted around to set the bag on the back seat as Thor pulled into traffic.

"Yeah, I didn't really think you'd want it, but taking it seemed faster than convincing her not to do it."

Loki gave a faint smile. "Tell me what happened?"

"They were all waiting when I got there. I figured they would be. We had coffee and first they wanted to hear about the trial. There wasn't really that much to tell, though, you know? So then I just started at the beginning."

"Not the suitcase," Loki said quickly.

"Not what was _inside_ the suitcase." Thor shot him a smile, taking his eyes off the slick road for the briefest second. "But I started before that. They knew I did some computer stuff in my free time, but they didn't know what it was. So I told them about the security testing I did on the websites of charities - like, I'd try to crack the security and if I found a weak spot, I'd notify them so they could fix it. I was doing that one night and I saw Angrboda's work mixed in, clear as day."

"Oh!" Loki said.

"Huh?"

"They said in court, you and Angrboda used to date?"

Thor chuckled. "For like five minutes, over ten years ago. She was always too interested in what she _could_ do, instead of what she _should._ Tell me that hasn’t been bugging you all this time?"

"I got distracted. I forgot until now," Loki admitted.

"Good. It's really not worth the bother of thinking about it," Thor told him.

Loki nodded. "So you found her work?"

"She'd cracked it and put in her own backdoor. Tighter security than there had been before, for everyone but her."

"So you broke it."

"I followed her trail back to what looked like a respectable business, but by that point I knew something was being hidden. Something big."

"Two weeks before Berlin," Loki said.

"Yeah. So then I told them about going to the conference and meeting people, talking about this new thing I was working on, and that on the way back I met you in the airport, how I'd never been drawn to anyone like that before. And then we met up to trade back our bags, and we hit it off. I said I didn't know it was possible to fall in love so fast."

"Neither did I," Loki murmured.

"And that day I finally got in, I found you first. I found the identity that had been built for you. But then I kept digging, and found the records. It took me a minute to realize what I was looking at. Even once I did it was like my brain was trying to stop me from understanding. Cause I just..." Thor trailed off with a sigh.

"It's okay. Go ahead."

"I didn't want to know that about you. I didn't want you to be him. But once I saw it I couldn't go back. I don't even remember finding your entry but there you were. A black-haired boy taken the day Loptr was kidnapped, and no price..."

Loki reached over to put his hand on Thor's leg. Resting. A weight to keep him there in the car, grounded and safe.

"Tyr realized first. He doesn't have the same feelings about you as the rest of us. I hope you don't mind," Thor said with another quick glance.

"I think I'm counting on it, actually."

"The others were so _fixated_ on me having found something about you, they sat there staring at me. Mom started crying, and Tyr asked me if there were any others without sale prices. I told him no, and he said, 'your boyfriend has black hair, doesn't he?' And I said yes, and then it clicked and they realized it too."

"And?"

"Mom started crying harder, and Dad got up to make more coffee - he's still dealing with me coming out when I was twenty-three - and Tyr looked the same as he always looks."

"What about Baldr?" Loki cared about all their reactions - it was impossible not to, if they were to be his family - but it was different with Baldr. Loki'd met him before, seen the depths of his disgust.

"He seemed okay. I mean, I'm sure he's not totally comfortable with us being how we are, but he understands about why we lied. I think maybe he's better, even. Even with the - you know."

"Incest." It was the first time either had said the word aloud.

"Yeah. Anyway, I waited for dad to get back with the coffee, and then I told them that they could choose between both of us or neither of us. That I couldn't lose you again for anything. Um, Loki?"

"Yeah?"

"You're hurting me."

"Oh. Sorry." Loki relaxed his fingers where they were digging into Thor's leg. "I'm here, so that means they chose both?"

Thor nodded. "It does. They weren't thrilled, but they did. Dad got all awkward and asked if we couldn't try just being brothers," - here Loki snorted, and Thor gave a wry smile of agreement - "and I said no. I told them I love you every way there is to love. And then Mom started crying even harder and she got up and made you a sandwich and gave me her keys and said to bring you home."


	56. Chapter 56

The adrenaline flood worsened as Thor moved into the exit lane. "How much farther?"

"About three minutes. I asked them to wait inside, to stay in the living room."

"Thanks."

They finished the drive in silence. It was the sort of suburb that got used in 80's movies; winding, tree-lined streets were full of well-kept houses, their front yards full of snowmen. Loki glanced up at the street name as Thor turned into a cul-de-sac. _Glencoe Lane._ The street where Thor grew up. Their destination was at the end. It was two stories, a white Colonial with a gray roof and shutters and a cheerful red door. Through the pines at the side of the house, Loki could see a wooden deck where the ground sloped down to a small lake.

"It'll be okay," Thor promised. Loki gave him a dubious look. "It really will."

Loki sighed and opened his door. Thor came around and took his hand to go up the walk together. It would have seemed long if it weren't for what waited at the end.

Thor flipped through the keychain until he found the right key and unlocked the front door. A murmur of voices fell silent as it swung open. Thor went in and held it open for Loki. The click of the latch behind him sounded terribly final. Thor took off his coat and tossed it on the wooden chair by the door, his hat and gloves following suit. Loki put his own on top, more neatly.

They held hands as they went down the hall and through an arched doorway, Thor in the lead. The room was ringed with people, sitting and waiting. Baldr was there, looking much nicer than he ever had before. Tyr looked curious. They were easier to look at. There was also a man with white hair and beard and an eye patch, who seemed like he was trying to appear amiable. There was a choked noise and Loki turned to the woman sitting in front of the window. She had long blonde hair shot through with streaks of silver. She was very pretty and he couldn't decide if she looked happy or sad.

"I always hoped you'd find each other," she said. Her voice was sweet and melodic.

He tried to smile at her. "And we did."

"Thor said you were nervous about meeting us, especially with... the way the two of you are together," she blurted out. "I can't say that I understand, but after everything that's happened, all we can do is make the best of things as they are. If this is your best chance at happiness - for both of you - then the rest of us will learn to accept it. We talked it over, and that is a promise, from all of us."

He glanced around to find them all nodding in agreement. "Thank you," he said.

"He also told us you didn't care for hugs from people you don't know, but might I shake your hand?" she asked, rising to her feet.

Loki stepped towards her with his hand out and she took it. Standing closer, he could see that her eyes were wet and red. "You are welcome to call me Frigga," she said gently. He had worried about that, about her maybe wanting him to call her _mom_ like Thor did. He wondered if Thor told her, or if she'd guessed.

"And I'm Odin," said the older man, as though Loki couldn't tell. Loki shook his hand, and then Baldr's and Tyr's. They had left the loveseat empty, and Thor and Loki sat down together.

"So, Loki, tell us about yourself," Odin said. It felt bizarrely like in tv shows where the partner gets taken home to meet the parents when things start to get serious.

Somehow he forgot everything. "What would you like to know?" he asked. The worst of the flood of nerves had ended, leaving him utterly blank.

"How about we tell you about us first?" Tyr mercifully suggested. "I'm Tyr, I'm currently in grad school studying military history, and I like cross-country skiing and war movies in my dismally limited spare time."

"I like history," Loki answered. "What period are you studying?"

"I'm writing my dissertation on the 845 Siege of Paris."

"That sounds interesting."

"I think so, but I'm biased," Tyr agreed.

"And I'm Baldr, your lawyer, and I'm really glad I didn't scare you off. I wouldn't have acted that way if I'd known. I feel horrible."

"It's okay. I understand."

Odin and Frigga told him about themselves. He didn't really have all that much in common with any of them, but then, he didn't with Thor either, and they could talk happily for hours. At least he'd picked up a few things to talk about, things similar enough to mention. He tried to focus on them but it was hard not to watch the clock as they rattled nervously on. They took over an hour before falling silent and waiting for him.

"I like Jeunet and Caro," he began, turning to Frigga. She had said she liked French films. "And I really liked exploring all the historical sites in Thailand, and we went on some good hikes in the National Park." That covered Tyr and Odin. "I also like not having to go to court anymore."

Baldr burst into laughter. "Sometimes I'm right there with you," he agreed.

Thor turned to Loki. "Would you like me to show you around? The lake is really pretty in the winter."

Loki nodded and stood, trying not to let his face show how grateful he was for the reprieve. They really were nice - he actually liked them - but it was just so _much_.

"Take your time. We'll get lunch ready," Tyr offered.

"Thanks," Loki said. He watched as they filed out through the door at the back of the room. Frigga kept turning back like she couldn't stop looking at him until Baldr pulled the door firmly shut.

"That's the kitchen, where we _won't_ be going right now," Thor said.

They bundled back up and stepped out the front door. The brisk air made him feel a little less shell-shocked. It had started snowing again, big, fat flakes that clung to their eyelashes and broke the sunlight into tiny rainbows. They walked around the side of the house, tramping through the snowdrifts and up the steps onto the deck.

"It's not frozen," Loki said.

"The wind stirs it enough that it usually stays liquid. We got lots of deer in the winter, coming for the water. When it does freeze over, dad goes out with a hatchet and chops it up so they have a place to drink. See that bale of hay?"

"Mm-hmm."

"Mom puts out food. She says it's so they won't eat her landscaping, but the truth is she loves them."

It made Loki think of the carrots he used to sneak outside for the rabbits that lived under the neighbor's shrubbery, and he smiled.

"Are you doing okay?" Thor asked, turning toward him.

"I am. It's just weird. I feel like I'm supposed to feel things I don't feel."

"You can't be expected to instantly have emotions for people you never even knew existed. I don't think anyone imagined anything else. There's only two things you need to feel right now." Thor brought Loki's hands to his lips and kissed his gloved fingertips. "Do you love me?"

"Yes."

"Do you believe I love you?"

It was a leap of faith. He hated those. And yet all they'd been through... all the danger and unhappiness and long lonely weeks... there was only one reason Thor would have gone through all that. "I do."

"Then everything else... we'll figure it out. We have time to figure things out. What matters is that we're a pair, you and I, and we always will be."

Thor tilted his head down and met Loki's lips and they stood there, kissing in the fresh snowfall. Loki slipped his hand into Thor's.

It fit perfectly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for joining me in this story, and thanks so much for reading and for all the amazing feedback! I'll miss these two, but I think we're leaving them in a good place. :)


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